It is the boundaries you set that
protect you when you can’t protect yourself.
Warning: This post is for those who are of
age and are in a relationship or about to get into one; those who wish to
maintain sexual purity in a relationship for one reason or the other. You may
or may not agree with what is contained in this post but it is in your interest
to read it. If you read it with an open heart instead of a closed mind, you
will gain a lot. In all, time will prove the truth of these words; the truth is still the truth, whether you
think it’s true or not. If I sound too explicit here, pardon me; all I’m
doing is trying to pass across a message.
Hehehehe!
I wasn’t trying to scare you or go all spooky on you; just wanted to prepare
you for what you’re about to read. First things first; what are boundaries? In
the context of this blogpost, “boundaries” here means benchmarks you shouldn’t
cross in a relationship if you intend to maintain sexual purity. A lot of
people enter into relationships with the “no-sex” boundary; as in, there will
be no sex in the relationship until marriage (da kind thing). By the “no-sex”
rule, they mean there will be no “penetration” in the relationship. On the
surface, this looks like the coolest of all boundaries you can have in a
relationship; but in reality, it is the weakest
of all boundaries! Why do I say so? Because most of the people who started with the “no-sex before marriage” rule
eventually ended up breaking it with
time. If you intend to maintain sexual purity while dating, here’s what
your boundary should entail:
Boundary 1: No Kissing
When
I say kissing, I’m referring to what you would call a “French kiss”. Shout out
to all my kissers in the house that would give up anything except kissing in a
relationship…I know this sounds brutal but please hear me out first. It always starts
out with an “innocent kiss” and then “one thing led to another” and then they
did it. If you’re serious about maintaining sexual purity in your relationship,
your boundaries should begin with no
kissing instead of no sex. This
is because that so called “simple” act of kissing is actually the trigger that
pulls the gun that eventually lands you in bed together after you’ve “lost
control” and one thing has led to another. You may claim kissing is just an act
of affection and showing someone you love them; you may even claim that you’ve
kissed many times before and it didn’t lead to sex. But the truth is that each
time you kiss, your self control is dropped a notch lower, hormones that
prepare you for sex are released repeatedly, the fire of your libido is
increased, and if you keep it at it, you will eventually break the “no sex
rule”, I guarantee you that. Then, you’ll wake up one day and wonder how you
got to where you are. Check it out; when you first started your kissing game,
it would last for a few minutes; then it graduated to a few more minutes and
then all the hand movements started rolling in. See baa, the bottom line is
this; the no sex rule works best when the no kissing rule is in place; that is
if you’re serious about maintaining sexual purity.
Boundary 2: No
Unnecessary Hang Outs in Enclosed Spaces
The
emphasis here is on the word “unnecessary”, “enclosed spaces/rooms”, and may I
add “sleep overs”. This is a boundary you need to establish as you advance in
the relationship. Why? Because as you advance, your familiarity level and
comfortable-in-each-others-presence level increases, which is actually a good
thing. However, if this boundary is not in place, it could land you in a
situation you never expected. Let me remind you that you are attracted to the
person you’re dating and there’s a level of chemistry between you two right now
(unfortunately, it doesn’t wait till you get married to surface). I know you
also have self control and you “know yourself” (believe me, I feel you on this
one). But the truth is everyone has “weak moments” and all the enemy of your
soul needs is one weak moment, the existing attraction/chemistry between you
two and the right environment/situations to set you up and succeed. Yeah, yeah,
I know; you’ve tried it before and nothing happened baa? Wait till you try it
in a weak moment and see what happens.
Boundary 3: No Confused
Friendships with the Opposite Sex
The
emphasis here is on the phrase “confused friendships”. Let me first state that
there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex as long as you
have and know your boundaries: friends, not
friends with benefits (except that’s
your reason for the friendship). You can’t be successfully be friends with
someone you have feelings for or you’re attracted to who is also attracted to
you or likesssssss you; that is called setting yourself up. Except you set
boundary 2 and keep it in place, you will end up in something you never
expected and detest yourself and your friend for it.
Boundary 4: Watch What
You See and Think
As
harmless as it seems, what you see, watch, read and think is also important.
The garbage in, garbage out principle applies here. You can’t be feeding your
soul and thoughts with materials of explicit sexual content continuously and
not have cracks in your self control. It may be as “small” as reading a few
EXPLICIT romance novels, looking at a few pictures or romantic/sexual scenes
and imagining stuff, fantasizing about kissing and smooching and all that
stuff. But these are the little things that puncture your self control by
stirring up sexual oriented desires in you unconsciously that set you up later.
Ever watched a romantic scene or read a romantic novel and faintly wished you
were the one or experienced stirrings within you? That’s what I’m talking
about. How else did you come to think that kissing and romance should be part
of a relationship? Wasn’t it from what you saw on TV and the things you read???
Oh Men! I Don’t Like
These Boundaries
Yea!
I feel you; these boundaries will apparently cramp your style shey? That’s why
they are boundaries for those who really
wanna remain sexually pure while dating. Provs 6:27 says “can a man carry
fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned?” I say, can a man pull
the trigger of a loaded gun at himself and not be shot/wounded? When it comes
to maintaining sexual purity, the wisest book on earth says FLEE; [flee every appearance of evil (1
Thess 5:22); flee fornication (1Cor 6:18)]. The problem is instead of fleeing
away, most times, we’re either fleeing to it, negotiating with it, and forming
self-control, macho, I-can-handle-it and I-know-myself until the deed is done.
Make em’, Keep em’
Making
these boundaries is the first, step; keeping them is the next and important
step. By strength shall no man prevail; it takes the grace of God and the Holy
Spirit (the spirit of self control) to keep them. God will not zip up your
trousers, tie your skirt around your waist, stop you from entering secluded
places or stop you from kissing but when you set these boundaries, and ask for
his grace, he will empower you to keep them. Remember Isaiah 59:19 – “when the
enemy shall come in like a flood, the spirit of the Lord shall lift up a
standard against him”? It is the standards you raise that the Holy Spirit will
use to preserve you when the enemy comes like a flood to sweep you off your
feet. Do your part by setting the right boundaries and keeping to them and he
will do his part by supplying the ability to keep them.
Did
you enjoy this post? Do you have more useful tips on this topic? Feel free to
leave your views in the comment section.
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Are
you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship
matters and life in general? E-mail me
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