Congratulations
to all the newly-weds and couples reading this. You’re living the reality of
what most singles dream and wish for. The more they (single people) see you,
the more they pray to be in your shoes. However, with the high rate of divorce
these days, it sometimes gets the singles wondering and skeptical of toeing
that line. When you got married to your spouse, I’m quite sure that you were
all smiles, making those vows, hoping the fairy tale experience of the wedding
would never end. When you buy a brand new car, it looks really great; but it’s
how you handle and maintain that car that will determine if it will look great and
not pack-up in the years to come. The same thing applies to your marriage: you have to make it work. It’s not enough to get married, it takes
extra-work to stay married and I mean happily married.
Marital Adjustment Is
Important
http://psychologicaldictionary.org
defines marital adjustment as the process during which partners in a marriage
adapt and change to their new roles in order to complement each other and
function as a team. This process ought to start after tying the knot and is
widely accepted by psychologists as one of the factors crucial to the
stability, sweetness and success of a marriage. Now the two big questions are: have you adjusted to your new status as a
married person and are you adjusting
to your spouse’s personality daily?
Yes,
your status changed on paper and you probably have a ring on your finger, but
are you acting in line with the demands of your new role? There are patterns of
behaviour that were tolerable when you were single but will ruin your marriage
if you don’t let them go. Such things include discussing details of your
marriage that should be kept secret with your “friends”, taking huge/serious
decisions especially with regards to your career &finances without consulting
your spouse, insisting on having your way all the time, doing things only when
you feel like it and many more. Ahn! Ahn! Your new status as a married person
does not permit these. Staying out late unnecessarily and having strange friends
of the opposite sex indiscriminately will only land you into trouble with your
spouse. Don’t be a married person living like a single person; it will
gradually ruin your marriage.
Study
your spouse, find out what they like, how they like it, what makes them hurt or
angry and how they act when hurt or angry. Discover what they like in bed and
see how you can bring it on; discover their soft and hot buttons and everything
about their personality and temperament and see how you can adjust positively. Find out their love language and speak it.
Do Everything You Can
Upgrade
your looks and your skills all round. Have a regular check to be sure there are
no weeds of bitterness, nasty behaviours, unforgiveness and taking each other
for granted growing in your relationship. Don’t forget to pray over you, your spouse
and your marriage because when men pray,
God acts. If people go to the extent of getting “juju” to make their
marriages work, why can’t you get yours by “getting God”? Check to see if your
communication with each other is not broken and reduced to talks about the kids
and what happened at work alone. Take time out of your busy schedule to spend
exclusive time with your spouse. If you keep putting the blame on how busy you
are, you’ll wake up one day and discover that you guys have become two
strangers living as housemates. Just like you regularly check your tyres, your
engine oil and the fuel level of your car so you can change or refill them,
check yourself and your relationship with your spouse to see what you can do to
improve things. It’s quite crazy the attention we give to our cars and jobs to
ensure they’re in top shape only to ignore our spouses and marriages.
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to the desk-top version. Have a sweet week.
Are
you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship
matters and life in general? E-mail me
on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and
I’ll be glad to help.