A relationship without trust is like
a car without tyres; it goes no where.
Hello
to all my readers! The month of August has been a refreshing one for me. I
spent the early days of the month preparing for an empowerment camp (Word WYN
camp) which I eventually attended from 8th-15th August so
I wasn’t able to do any blogpost. But I’m back now so expect a regular flow of
blogposts. I got some juicy excerpts from the camp and they’ll start rolling in
from tomorrow. Meanwhile, today let’s talk about TRUST.
Trust
is one of the pillars of any relationship. Without trust, what began as a sweet
relationship could turn out to be a nightmare and a thorn in the flesh. Where
there is a lack of trust, there’s always SUSPICION.
Suspicion is okay if there are reasons to be suspicious. However, when you have
trust issues, you’re suspicious by default. You suspect your beau even when
there is no reason to be suspicious; what’s more, suspicion has become your
habit, pattern of behaviour, mindset and an attitude you adopt in all your
relationships. Today’s blogpost is an eye-opener to help you see if you tend
more towards suspicion rather than trust in a relationship. As you read them,
examine yourself to see if you’re guilty.
#1-You go berserk when
you see your beau with someone of the opposite sex
If
you find out that each time you see your beau standing or talking with anyone
of the opposite sex, anger, rage and jealousy begin to stir up within you to
the point where you begin to harass either your beau or the “stranger” with
your words or actions, you clearly have trust issues. Hello! They’re just
having a conversation; they’re not doing anything suspicious. There’s nothing
wrong with talking with someone of the opposite sex. Moreover, you didn’t find
them kissing or in a provocative pose, did you? Sorry dear, you can’t be the
only one of the opposite sex your beau talks to on the earth except you guys go
to another planet made for just the two of you. If this is the way you react in
all your relationships, it’s a clear sign you have trust issues.
#2-You interrogate your
beau over everything
Now
this one’s a biggie and it’s quite annoying if you ask me. It’s okay to ask
your beau questions about things you don’t like now and then. But you’re out of
line when you interrogate your beau over every little thing. When I say
“interrogate”, I mean questioning every call he receives to know who and why,
consistently checking phone call logs and text messages to question them,
questioning every move he makes, interrogating him over why he failed to visit
you as he promised etc. If you’re guilty of this, you’re no longer a beau but a
POLICE and no one likes to undergo such interrogation daily cuz it screams
loudly that you don’t trust them.
#3-You accuse him of
cheating without proof
 |
| No one loves to be accused of cheating when they aren't. |
Even
in the law court, no one is charged to court without evidence that incriminates
them. Accusing your beau of cheating on you based on flimsy excuses such as
reduced calls/texts, consistent calls from a particular person, rumours from
girlfriends, distance (if he’s in another town), hearing a female voice in the
background when he calls etc are all clear signs of a person with trust issues.
Yes, these actions may be quite suspicious at times and lead you to think he’s
cheating, but if you didn’t have trust issues, you’d handle it more
appropriately by calmly asking him questions instead of outrightly accusing him
of being unfaithful.
#4-You only trust your
beau when you guys are together
If
you fall in this category, you clearly have trust issues. It’s true that when
you’re apart, you can’t see each other and therefore you can’t tell what the
other person is up to. A pure mind that trusts always believes the best of the
other person till proved otherwise. But a suspicious mind belonging to one who
has trust issues immediately feels “when he’s not with me, he’s cheating”. Duh!
If he’s that much of a cheat, why are you with him anyways??? Is he a baby
whose sexuality you now control by your presence??? Then get ready to follow
him everywhere (which won’t stop anyone bent on cheating from cheating).
#5-You’re quick to
believe suspicious rumours about whoever you date
Sometimes,
rumours contain truth; but at other times, they may be engineered by people who
don’t want you to be with your beau. You can’t stop these rumours from getting
to your ears but you can control how you react to them. If you always quickly believe
every rumour you hear about who you’re in a relationship with without
investigating to know if it’s true, it’s a clear sign you have trust issues. In
your head, you’ve always suspected that he’ll cheat so hearing such a rumour is
like a confirmation of something you’ve always know.
Let’s Call a Spade a
Spade
Hello
dear, stop lying to yourself and to your beau that you’ve been acting out all
of this hysterical signs because you love him. No dear, you’ve been doing all
these things because you don’t trust him and it’s not as a result of what he’s
done, but due to your inability to trust (trust issues). Your inability to
trust is a psychological imbalance that needs to be addressed. If you don’t
deal with it, it will lead to other obsessive compulsive behaviours such as
outbursts of jealousy, sadism, rage etc. What’s more, failure to deal with your
trust issues will make you a thorn in the flesh of your beau and eventually
destroy the beautiful relationship you’re trying so hard to protect. If you’re
wondering why you find it so hard to trust and how you got to this point, stay
tuned to the blog as we talk about Trust Issues:
How Did I Get Here tomorrow. xoxo
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Are
you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship
matters and life in general? E-mail me
on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.