A relationship without trust is like a car without tyres; it goes no where.
As
I promised yesterday, today’s post is dedicated to those who have discovered
that they have trust issues and they’re wondering why they find it so hard to
trust. For some people, they’ve always found it difficult to trust for as long
as they can remember. For most people with trust issues, their inability to
trust in relationships arose at some point in their lives due to certain
circumstances/situations. In the same way that a diagnosis + lab tests enables
a doctor get to the root cause of an illness, this post will enable you
discover the root of your current trust issues so you can get help and be free
from it. Below are five factors that lead to an inability to trust in
relationships (trust issues).
#1-Your ex cheated on
you or ditched you for another person
Unfortunately,
despite all the sweet words and promises to love you forever, relationships
come to an end sometimes because one party cheated or your beau left you for
someone prettier, taller, richer etc. When this happens, it leaves you feeling
empty and broken hearted with an inability to trust in subsequent
relationships. You become suspicious because you usually feel your new beau may
cheat on you or ditch you like your previous beau did.
#2-Low self-esteem
When
you have a low self-esteem, you feel you’re not good enough for the one you’re
dating and constantly feel threatened when a lady you feel is more endowed than
you comes around your beau. This in turn leads you to display some or all of
the signs that show you have trust issues (click here
to read the 5 signs that show you have trust issues). Self-esteem is
definitely something every girl needs for all round stability. (click here to read self-esteem:
something every girl needs)
#3-Someone close to you
has been mistreated in a relationship
This
is actually the major root cause of trust issues. A lot of people currently
having trust issues witnessed firsthand someone close to them (such as their
parent, sibling, friend etc) mistreated in a relationship by a partner who was
unfaithful and untruthful to them. Even though they were not directly affected,
watching their loved ones go through such a nasty experience has made them
develop a defense mechanism to prevent them suffering what their loved ones
suffered. This eventually manifests as a high degree of suspiciousness and an
inability to trust.
#4-You have been
unfaithful
People
who have been unfaithful previously in past relationships tend to be very
suspicious of their current partner’s moves because of their guilt and
experience at cheating. They’re quick to identify and suspect actions similar
to the ones they used when they were unfaithful and this makes it difficult to
trust because they feel they’re about to get played.
#5-You’re a pessimist
Pessimists,
as we all know, are people who generally look on the darker side in every
situation. Pessimists tend to focus on the negative probabilities/what ifs that
may occur in a relationship. For instance, when they call their beau and he’s
not picking the call, instead of thinking up positive excuses such as “he’s too
busy to answer”, “he probably isn’t close to his phone” etc, their mind
immediately races to thoughts such as “he’s avoiding my calls because he’s with
another lady” etc.
You Need a Total Mindset
Renewal
Now
you can see the root cause of your inability to trust, it makes it easier to
deal with it. Instead of making excuses to justify your trust issues, acknowledge
it and receive help instead. Let go of all that has happened in the past and
discard that suspicious mindset. Give everyone you meet the benefit of the
doubt. Stop making Paul pay for the sins of Peter; quit judging everyone you
meet by past experiences. Allow them to reveal themselves by their actions and
treat them accordingly. Speak with a counselor; ask someone to hold hands and
agree with you in prayer. Make up your mind to learn to trust again and
gradually, your ability to trust will be restored. Your present beau should not
suffer for the sins of the jerks that hurt you in the past. Let go of all your
insecurities and receive healing so you can enjoy your current relationship. xoxo
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Are
you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship
matters and life in general? E-mail me
on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.