5 Dumbest Moves Ladies Make

Shout out to all the wonderful people reading this blog

Sometimes in life, even the smartest people make not so smart moves. Reasons include ignorance, feelings and emotions, adventure, trial and error, feeling like your case is gonna be different and all. And even though we don’t want to admit it, we’ve all made dumb moves at different points in our lives (me too) and done things we’re not so proud of. However, there are some dumb moves that are common to us ladies. Why are they common? Because a lot have ladies have made these moves in the past and a lot of them still keep making these same moves presently.

Now I’m not here to judge anyone or call anyone dumb. Just wanna show you a few of the dumbest moves we ladies make with the hope that the vicious cycle of these heart breaking moves comes to an end (so help me God). In no particular order, let’s check out these dumbest moves.

#1 Dumbest Move – Giving Sex to Get Love or Keep Him

Yea, right. Ladies have done this and keep doing this. Some ladies try to use sex to get a guy-and it actually gets some of them.  The problem is, it usually gets you the wrong kind of guy: the sex maniac, the serial cheat, the chronic bachelor with no intentions of settling down or Mr. Booty Call. Some ladies give sex to “keep” the guy. Usually, it’s because he has been saying things like “We’re going to get married anyways, why hold back?”, “If you love me, show me that you love me”, “Honey, do you want me to go after other ladies out there? Why are you my girlfriend?”, “Just one time, pleeeeease. It will bring us closer” and so many other pick up lines. 

Other ladies give sex thinking it will make the guy love them more and stay faithful to them. But unfortunately, sex doesn’t make a guy love you, love you more, stick with you or stay faithful to you. Those things are a product of personal choice (the guy’s personal choice). The media and pop culture has taught us otherwise so we keep making these dumb moves.

#2 Dumbest Move – Playing House

Playing house means playing “husband and wife” by moving into his house. At first, things seem rosy and great until the “see-finish syndrome” sets in. You know that point he begins to take you for granted and doesn’t appreciate you anymore. That point where you begin to demand more commitment and he keeps putting it off. That point where he wonders to himself how you didn’t have high standards for choosing to move in with him; that point where the fights increase daily and he doesn’t care if you move out of his house because he’s tired of you anyways. Ladies still keep making this dumb move. Except you don’t intend to do anything serious with him, moving into his house is a dumb move that won’t make him marry you.

#3 Dumbest Move – Changing Yourself in Order to Get or Keep Him

He told you he likes a girl that does this or does that; he wants to get married to a girl that acts like this or that. So you start “remixing” yourself to become his ideal woman, the girl of his dreams. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with upgrading yourself and continuous self-improvement. But losing your identity and changing to become someone else will not profit you. In the end, you lose your uniqueness becoming someone else. What happens when the relationship eventually ends and you’ve acquired habits or should I say vices that cause trouble for you in subsequent relationships???

#4 Dumbest Move – Asking Guys Out

Before you crucify me, hear me out. In our age and time, it’s not uncommon for girls to ask guys out. Why? Because they’ve got the boldness and they can. You may be thinking “what’s wrong with that” but I dare say everything is wrong with it. Not every guy is mature enough to handle that (some guys turn the fact that you asked them out into public gist). Guys also like to choose for themselves-not the other way round. If you’re so eager to get a guy to notice you or date your, there are other subtle ways to drop a hint that shows you like him or you’re open to a relationship which will save you the flipside of asking him out. What is the flip side? That moment when he feels he’s seen a girl that he wants and decides to move on telling you “after all, I didn’t ask you out…”

#5 Dumbest Move – Missionary Dating

Missionary dating means dating someone whose character you’re not presently comfortable with the hopes of “changing” him. We’re so guilty of this. Yes, no one is perfect and it is possible to influence another person to change, but trying to change another person will only lead you to frustration. If you don’t like him the way he is, why are you with him? I hear ladies say things like “I’ll change him”, “I’ll make him do …”. So they think they can nag, cajole or threaten the guy to change. No man likes to be nagged, to feel controlled or to feel like you’re trying to change him. Actually, no one does. Smart guys just go with the flow pretending to change just to get you to fall even deeper and later show you their true colour. Missionary dating never changes anyone, except God decides to use you to influence a change in his life but that is only possible if the guy himself is willing to change because we all have a free will. Save yourself the heart break, girl.

Trade the Dumb Moves

If you’re presently making such dumb moves I’m here to tell you this: all you’re gonna get is frustration. Make a detour; many have failed and are still failing for applying these moves. Trade the dumb moves for smarter moves. Do the opposite. Don’t be deceived: a guy will stay with you and be faithful to you if he chooses, not because he’s had sex with you. Moving into his house or changing yourself won’t help either. Having a penchant for asking guys out or missionary dating will only get you hurt many times over.

P.S. These are the 5 dumbest moves I think ladies make. Can you think of more?

Keep your eyes glued to our twitter handle @sister2sisterni and our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria for more interesting updates this month. We’ve got a lot of interesting stuff coming up this month.

2 People You Need To Fall in Love with this Season

Shout out to all the wonderful people reading this blog

Being in love or falling in love is one of the sweetest feelings in life. You know what I mean: the euphoria, the enthusiasm, the joy, laughter, fun and fuzzy feelings that go with it. Some of us are even in love with “the feeling of feeling in love” so much so that we just can’t stay without being in a relationship. But this time there are two people you need to fall in love with and it’s not what you think.

#1 Person – GOD

We all know God loves us. We all like to say “I know God loves me because he’s been very kind to me”. We all like to be the “beloved”, someone special before God. But it’s time to make a switch. How about becoming a lover of God? You’ve been falling in love with all kinds of people. How about falling in love with the one who knows just how to love you right and touch you in ways you’ve never been touched before? There’s something about falling in love with God: it satisfies that deep ache in your soul for the kind of love no human being can ever give; the kind that liberates you from that human tendency to demand from humans what only God can give. The truth is, humans are imperfect and fallible so their love for you is also imperfect and fallible; it can change at any time. But God’s love is everlasting.

 Falling in love with God also increases your capacity to give or receive love. In other words, it enhances your human relationships because it makes you kinder and more understanding. It frees you from making unrealistic demands from loved ones (like wanting them to be there for you or available to you 24/7; only God can be there for you in that manner). There’s always this glow about you that makes you so attractive and irresistible when you fall in mad passionate love with God because you know that the greatest one loves you and will never leave you. Trust me, I’m speaking from experience.

#2 Person – YOURSELF

Loving yourself is the best gift you can give to yourself this season. You may not be the finest, you may have flaws and weaknesses that make you cringe. But the worst thing you can do to you is to not love yourself. Stop thinking that you’re not good enough, pretty enough or whatever. There is no perfect person and there will never be a perfect person on this side of the universe. You’ll be surprised to know that that person you envy or wish to be like also has things about them that they don’t feel too good about (everybody does). 

When you don’t love yourself, it reflects in your carriage; your self-confidence and makes you vulnerable to abusers and users who may seek to manipulate you with false love for their gain. It makes you put up with crazy stuff and do crazy things that are harmful to you. You start looking for people to validate you, to love you and make you feel special. No one can give you self-love. Yes, they may love you, but they can’t make you love you. You are a beautiful unique individual worthy of love. As you look inwards you will see how beautiful you are outwardly and inwardly. Make loving yourself a priority this season.

Take a break from running around looking for who to love or who to love you. Make loving God and loving yourself a priority this season and watch how attractive, confident, radiant and alluring you’ll become. There’s nothing as attractive as a woman in love with God and in love with herself. Xoxo

P.S: Keep your eyes glued to our twitter handle @sister2sisterni and our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria for more interesting updates this month. We’ve got a lot of interesting stuff coming up this month.

Vashti, Oh Vashti! Here Comes Your Fall!

Shout out to all those who constantly view this blog. What would I do without you? Xoxoxoxoxoxo

First things first: Haaaaaapppppyyyyy new month. I so love new beginnings. They come with a breath of fresh air and lofty hopes…you know that sort of thing. May this month be better than the last one for us all. As the month of May begins, here’s some food for thought to help fine tune you and I and position us correctly for the month. Are you ready?

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Vashti…dear Vashti…

Vashti was a queen whose story could be found in the book of Esther (in the Bible). You may or may not know her story. She’s actually been dead for centuries, but I’m not talking about that Vashti. I’m talking about this Vashti…I mean the one reading this blog post right now. ”Who, me?”, you say. Yes, you. You are the Vashti I’m talking about. “But my name isn’t Vashti”, you think to yourself. Well, that may not actually be your name, but with the things you’ve been doing lately, you’re so much like her.

What makes you our modern day Vashti? Check yourself to see if you fit into any of these profiles:

• ·     You’ve been dishing out consistent disrespect (both in public and in private) to the man in your life.

• ·         You talk nasty to him not minding who is present, making him look like a wimp.

• ·         You do things for him only when you feel like it.

• ·       You talk nasty to your boss and give him/her attitude because you wanna prove you’re a “no nonsense person”.

• ·     You don’t take instructions/orders where you work because you feel you’re so smart and you love doing it your way.

• ·   You don’t know when to observe “protocol” so you act the same way you do everywhere.

• ·   When you’re angry, you go ballistic, turning into a tornado (or should I say, Hurricane Vashti,lol).

If you fit into any of these profiles, you’re the one I’m talking about; you’re our modern day Vashti.

So what’s all the fuss about Vashti?

Vashti had it all. She was the queen, not the queen of a village, town, city or country, but the queen of an empire that ruled countries across continents. But she lost it in a moment. Why? She was used to having her way, doing what she felt like, whenever she felt like it. She was used to always insisting things go her way. She never understood the importance of observing “protocol”. Why not? She had gotten away with it many times before, so she felt she could always get away with it. She wasn’t thoughtful enough to discern that time was up for her nastiness and the last step she would take would become the last straw that broke the camel’s back. If you think I’m talking in parables, google Vashti or read up her story in the book of Esther so you get a clearer picture.

Vashti, Oh Vashti! Here comes your fall.

If you fit any of the profiles I earlier mentioned, it is time for you to do a 360-degree turn around. “Pride”, they say, “goes before a fall”. You’ve been successfully getting away before now with all that crap. But I announce to you, if you don’t amend your ways, your fall lies by the corner. What was Vashti’s fall like? She lost her crown and position after her last bout of disrespect and foolishness finally got the attention of the powers that be, the people that had the right and ability to engineer her downfall.

Shew! Wetin this girl dey yarn today? (meaning: what is she blabbing today.) Is she Ok?

Hello there, I’m perfectly Ok. Just trying to remove the scale from your eyes blinding you to the fact that your nastiness is getting out of hand and will soon bring you trouble. It’s time for you to throw all that away and learn some courtesy or don’t the man in your life and your boss in the office deserve some respect and courtesy? You’ve been doing a lot of PDA (public display of affection). How about you start doing more of PDR and PDC (public display of respect and public display of courtesy)? Oh…you think that’s pretence? No, it’s not. I’m talking about you amending your ways for good.

You can disagree with me all you want. You can justify yourself and your actions all you want. But you can’t stop what happened to Vashti from happening to you cuz Karma is such a bitch and seed-time/harvest will never cease, as long as the earth remains. 

In simple language, all your girl has been trying to say is this:

• Respect the man in your life and treat him nicely

• Stop disrespecting him, especially before other people. It’s belittling!

• You don’t have to do things for him only when you feel like it. Sometimes go out of your way to respond to his requests.

• Stop bossing your boss, throwing tantrums with that grouchy attitude of yours. It’s expired, abeg. Learn to follow orders. It’s not about you; it’s about what is right. Make things easier. Change your attitude.

• Sometimes it’s not about what you say/do but how and when you do it. Some annoying things you do in private become a nuisance when done in public. You may raise your voice or talk harshly in an argument at home with your man but when you carry that to the public place, you tell us how ill-mannered, out of control, insensitive, immature and disrespectful you are. The public place is different; it has its own protocol; Observe it!

• Learn to control your anger, for God’s sake. You are not Hurricane Vashti!

The men in our lives deserve better. The bosses we work with also deserve better. If you value your place in his life and in that job of yours, you’ll be ready to make the necessary changes, before you eventually lose your place. A word, they say, is enough for the wise.

P.S: It’s a new month. Use this opportunity to turn a new leaf. Need help to change? May God give you the grace you need. xoxoxoxo

Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked.

Follow us on twitter @sister2sisterni and like our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria

Man Check: Is he who you think he is???

Shout out to all the wonderful people reading this post. See y’all in the month of May.

And the beautiful month of April comes to an end…I do hope the month was nice to you. Today, I’m doing the second part to a post I did days ago titled Man Check: Do you have a check list. It’s actually meant for those who are in a relationship or about to go into one to do a routine check on the man they’re dating. Today, we’re doing a routine check to be double sure he is who you think he is. Why? Because you don’t want to go into marriage thinking you’re with Angel Johnny only to wake up and discover you just married Demon Johnny, lol, your worst nightmare.

Have you ever fallen into a pot-hole or gutter before you, not because you were blind, but because you were gisting with someone, talking on the phone, thinking of something else or because it was dark and you had no flash light? Yes, right? Now I’ll like to ask a question. Did you fall because you were blind? Of course not. Your eyes were functioning properly but some other factors prevented you from seeing well enough so you entered the pit. In the same way, no one deliberately wants to date or marry Demon Johnny. They usually pick him thinking he’s Angel Johnny only to discover he’s something else. So today, I’ll be giving you a few pointers to use in checking if he is who you think he is.

Pointer 1: His Friends

Who are those he calls his friends? Who does he listen to, confide in, run to when in trouble and take advice from? Whether we admit it or not, the friends we keep influence us a lot, so a wise person ought to choose his/her friends wisely. We may argue that we’re not easily influenced but it is a proven fact that evil company corrupts good manners. No one chooses when or how to be influenced, but we can choose who influences us. If your man has friends who you’re not comfortable with because they have vices, you should be concerned. For instance, if he has friends who constantly drink, womanise, cheat on or beat up their girl friends/wives, and he’s comfortable with them, those are danger signs. All it takes is for them to steadily keep cajoling him and for both of you to have a squabble in the relationship and he’ll be walking down that road in no time. What about those he hangs out with regularly? Even if he doesn’t call them his friends, the fact that he spends time with them regularly opens him to their influence. What’s the bottom line, you know a lot about him when you watch the company he keeps.

Pointer 2: His Version of “Unwinding”

Where does he go to when he wants to unwind? What does he do if he wants to unwind? I’m not here to condemn any one’s version of unwinding but if what he does to unwind is not in line with who he is or who he says he is, you gotta watch closely. If his version of unwinding is strip clubs and he says he’s a Christian or he’s God-fearing or whatever, you better wake up. Girl, he’s just a church-goer. A God-fearing man wouldn’t have that on his list of how to unwind not to talk of actually going there.

Pointer 3: The Way He Treats Sub-Ordinates, His Siblings and His Mother

This is a veeeeery huge pointer. If your Mr. Lovey-dovey treats people under him with inhumane actions and nastiness without provocation, if he treats his siblings too harshly all the time or treats his mother harshly, disrespectfully, and doesn’t show her love, its points to very deep things. It shows he’s actually a harsh man and all that lovey-dovey he’s showing you are just an act to get you. It’s only a matter of time (when he eventually gets too familiar with you) and you’ll start seeing his harsh side. Also, the way he treats house keepers, waiters, and people beneath his status who do menial jobs for him tells you if he’s arrogant, bossy, dehumanizing etc.

Pointer 4: His Anger

Everyone gets angry. Everyone feels like beating or strangling people when angry. But guess what, not everyone kills people when angry. Why? Mature people learn to handle and control their anger. If he’s always quick to fly into a rage and can’t seem to control his anger with people around him, you should be concerned. There is no way you will hang with him and not get him angry someday. Can you endure such angry outbursts? He may be treating you like an angel now but what will you do when the demon of his anger descends on him and he beats you up claiming “it was the devil”?

Pointer 5: Random Statements He Makes

Oh yes, you can discover a lot about the man you’re dating from the random statements he makes. I’m talking about those unplanned statements he makes in unguarded moments like “My wife won’t work o! I don’t want her to suffer” or, “I don’t want a career woman” or “If my wife ever tries that, I’ll beat her black and blue” or “I don’t want a woman who wears ……., fixes ….., uses ….. I want a woman who is natural” etc. Of course he’s entitled to his opinion and preferences and who are we to deprive him of that but these unguarded statements are pointers to the deep volcano rumbling within his personality.

Pointer 6: His Beliefs and Values

I’m not referring to the cultural beliefs and values of the place he comes from. He may be from a particular place but may not accept some aspects of the cultures and values of his people. I’m talking about his personal beliefs and values. What beliefs and cultural values does he hold dear? What are the things that mean the most to him? You can tell these from the random statements he makes, as I earlier mentioned.

Pointer 7: Is He Submitted To God?

I had wanted to tag this pointer “his relationship with God” but I felt it would create some confusion and probably mislead you, so I chose “Is he submitted to God instead”. I’m not asking if he goes to church, prays, fasts, sees visions, prophesies, speaks in tongues, is born again etc. I’m referring to someone whose life is submitted to God, who allows the word and spirit of God direct and rule his life. Why? You can never go wrong with someone who is submitted to God. How do you know he’s submitted to God? From the steps he takes and how he takes them. Or have you forgotten that it is written, by their fruits, you shall know them?

So What Next?

Now you’ve read all these pointers, use them to do the necessary check on the man in your life and be sure he’s who you think he is. The ball is now in your court. Like I said in the first sequel of the post series titled "Man Check", if you’re just dating him for dating sake, you may not need what all these. But if you intend to take the relationship to the next level, probably switch gears to courtship/marriage, then you should do some serious man check.

P.S: Thanks so much for reading. Don’t forget to share this post with all the pips in your life. Happy New Month. See ya in the month of May. Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked.

Follow us on twitter @sister2sisterni and like our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria