8 Reasons Why You’re Losing Friends Fast

Hey there, I trust you’re having a beautiful week. I’m having a favour-filled week, all thanks to God’s favour. 

There is no smoke without fire; every occurrence you see on the surface is triggered by something. Today, I’ll like to talk about things that make it difficult for a person to retain friends. It’s easy to put the blame on every other person and claim that they’re juts haters. But, a little soul searching may reveal that you have a hand in it. Read this with an open and sincere heart and you’ll get the best out of it.

1 - You can’t keep a secret

Yep! This is one of the major reasons why a person loses friends. Friendship requires you to be trustworthy and to be a friend one can easily confide in. Whether or not your friend tells you not to disclose his/her words to others, discretion should let you know that sensitive matters about your friend should remain a secret. It should not be disclosed or used as example when teaching or preaching. So, when you have a habit of making your friends personal matters public news/announcement in the name of “gisting” or you have a habit of exposing your friend’s secret when you’re having a misunderstanding, you earn yourself the reputation of CNN and backbiter. With time, word soon spreads around that you’re not trustworthy and even though you keep making new friends, you’ll keep losing them. Instead of looking for new friends, work on this aspect of yourself first. 

2 - You’re too judgemental and critical

It’s good to speak the truth in love. But when you’re excessively critical and fond of dishing out sarcastic remarks to your friends in public or private, you make yourself a thorn in their flesh and you know, nobody loves to have a romance with thorns. Friends seek comfort in each other; the world out there is already filled with harshness, your friends do not need another dose of harshness from you. You’re not a judge; you’re a friend – there is a difference between both. Most of it lies in your manner of approach. Friendship is not just about being honest, it’s about being tactful and speaking the truth in love. 

3 - You use people

People are not fools; they may act like fools, but eventually the reality hits them someday and they get the real picture. Everyone wants to be accepted and loved for who they are. That is why things are meant to be used and people are meant to be cherished and appreciated. So, if you’re fond of reaching out to the people in your life only because of what you can gain from them and you’re never available for them either, you’re actually using people. If you only act nice and contact people when you want to get something from them, you’re actually a user of men. If you make using people your comfort zone, you will eventually lose a lot of quality people from your life. 

4 - You’re too clingy

When you can’t stay on your own and must be in the company of people, you’re clingy. And when you’re too clingy, you’re like a crab that clings to everyone it comes in contact with to the extent of causing discomfort. Being clingy may be tolerable from children but as we grow older, it is expected that you should have a life of your own and be able to give your friends the breathing space to live their own lives too. As much as you want them to hang out with you, you need to understand that they cannot be at your beck and call all the time, even though they love you. It is immaturity to expect them to be available for you always. You must learn how to accept people and take their availability to you as their tight schedule permits.

5 - You’re a liability

Do I need to explain this??? I think it’s self-explanatory. In simple words, no one wants a parasite for a friend – someone who drains them dry and cannot be useful to them in anyway. Your friends are not ATMs you can keep withdrawing from daily. You have to make yourself a blessing and an asset too. 

6 - You’re envious and competitive

Friends are supposed to be supportive of each other, not envious and competitive. You mustn’t have everything your friend has. Or are you twins??? The most dangerous friend anyone can have is someone who is envious and competitive; someone one who wants to have what they have at any cost. Both character traits open the door to negative influence and can turn a friend into a foe eventually. It’s okay to learn from or be inspired by your friend’s achievements. But when you exhibit envy and compare yourself with / compete with your friend, you are a recipe for disaster waiting to happen and any wise + experienced person will immediately start avoiding you.

7 - You’re full of complaints and negativity

Ha!!! There is nothing that saps the life out of you like having negative people and complainers in your life. When you’re trying to build up your faith and maintain a positive attitude, like a pin prick on a balloon, they puncture your faith. They empty their negative energy on you via complaints and put too much excess baggage on your life. Even the Lord God could not put up with the continuous complaints, murmurings and the negative attitude of the Israelites in the wilderness. These two patterns of behavior will not only affect your friendships and relationships, they will also cut you off from the goodness of God because. See (as surely as I heard you say, so will I do unto you) for more details. 

8 - You’re no longer compatible

One of my old friends used to say “twenty friends can’t play together for twenty years”. What that means is that friendships don’t always last forever, even if you guys make a vow that you will stay friends forever. Though you may not quarrel, you may eventually start drifting apart due to incompatibility (both of you now have a different outlook on life as well as different goals), tight schedules, increasing responsibilities or distance. If this happens, don’t take it too personally – it’s not the end of the world. Just open your heart to the new people around you and build new friendships.

So What Next???

See what areas of your life you need to amend so that you’ll stop losing quality friends, acquaintances and destiny helpers. Have a great day.

P:S Do you have any questions or comments about this blogpost? Do you need counsel concerning relationships? Do you have any private issues you want to raise? Would you like to be featured as a guest blogger here? Would you like to advertise with us? Email me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com
 

Evidence Grace is the founder and head-blogger at Sister 2 Sister Nigeria. She's passionate about seeing people get it right in life, destiny and marriage. A woman of many gifts, and talents, she is focused on fulfilling God's purpose for her life, becoming ALL God has fore-ordained her to be and spreading the gospel to the ends of the earth. Her marital status?Keep your fingers crossed.

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Man Check: Is he who you think he is???

Shout out to all the wonderful people reading this post. See y’all in the month of May.

And the beautiful month of April comes to an end…I do hope the month was nice to you. Today, I’m doing the second part to a post I did days ago titled Man Check: Do you have a check list. It’s actually meant for those who are in a relationship or about to go into one to do a routine check on the man they’re dating. Today, we’re doing a routine check to be double sure he is who you think he is. Why? Because you don’t want to go into marriage thinking you’re with Angel Johnny only to wake up and discover you just married Demon Johnny, lol, your worst nightmare.

Have you ever fallen into a pot-hole or gutter before you, not because you were blind, but because you were gisting with someone, talking on the phone, thinking of something else or because it was dark and you had no flash light? Yes, right? Now I’ll like to ask a question. Did you fall because you were blind? Of course not. Your eyes were functioning properly but some other factors prevented you from seeing well enough so you entered the pit. In the same way, no one deliberately wants to date or marry Demon Johnny. They usually pick him thinking he’s Angel Johnny only to discover he’s something else. So today, I’ll be giving you a few pointers to use in checking if he is who you think he is.

Pointer 1: His Friends

Who are those he calls his friends? Who does he listen to, confide in, run to when in trouble and take advice from? Whether we admit it or not, the friends we keep influence us a lot, so a wise person ought to choose his/her friends wisely. We may argue that we’re not easily influenced but it is a proven fact that evil company corrupts good manners. No one chooses when or how to be influenced, but we can choose who influences us. If your man has friends who you’re not comfortable with because they have vices, you should be concerned. For instance, if he has friends who constantly drink, womanise, cheat on or beat up their girl friends/wives, and he’s comfortable with them, those are danger signs. All it takes is for them to steadily keep cajoling him and for both of you to have a squabble in the relationship and he’ll be walking down that road in no time. What about those he hangs out with regularly? Even if he doesn’t call them his friends, the fact that he spends time with them regularly opens him to their influence. What’s the bottom line, you know a lot about him when you watch the company he keeps.

Pointer 2: His Version of “Unwinding”

Where does he go to when he wants to unwind? What does he do if he wants to unwind? I’m not here to condemn any one’s version of unwinding but if what he does to unwind is not in line with who he is or who he says he is, you gotta watch closely. If his version of unwinding is strip clubs and he says he’s a Christian or he’s God-fearing or whatever, you better wake up. Girl, he’s just a church-goer. A God-fearing man wouldn’t have that on his list of how to unwind not to talk of actually going there.

Pointer 3: The Way He Treats Sub-Ordinates, His Siblings and His Mother

This is a veeeeery huge pointer. If your Mr. Lovey-dovey treats people under him with inhumane actions and nastiness without provocation, if he treats his siblings too harshly all the time or treats his mother harshly, disrespectfully, and doesn’t show her love, its points to very deep things. It shows he’s actually a harsh man and all that lovey-dovey he’s showing you are just an act to get you. It’s only a matter of time (when he eventually gets too familiar with you) and you’ll start seeing his harsh side. Also, the way he treats house keepers, waiters, and people beneath his status who do menial jobs for him tells you if he’s arrogant, bossy, dehumanizing etc.

Pointer 4: His Anger

Everyone gets angry. Everyone feels like beating or strangling people when angry. But guess what, not everyone kills people when angry. Why? Mature people learn to handle and control their anger. If he’s always quick to fly into a rage and can’t seem to control his anger with people around him, you should be concerned. There is no way you will hang with him and not get him angry someday. Can you endure such angry outbursts? He may be treating you like an angel now but what will you do when the demon of his anger descends on him and he beats you up claiming “it was the devil”?

Pointer 5: Random Statements He Makes

Oh yes, you can discover a lot about the man you’re dating from the random statements he makes. I’m talking about those unplanned statements he makes in unguarded moments like “My wife won’t work o! I don’t want her to suffer” or, “I don’t want a career woman” or “If my wife ever tries that, I’ll beat her black and blue” or “I don’t want a woman who wears ……., fixes ….., uses ….. I want a woman who is natural” etc. Of course he’s entitled to his opinion and preferences and who are we to deprive him of that but these unguarded statements are pointers to the deep volcano rumbling within his personality.

Pointer 6: His Beliefs and Values

I’m not referring to the cultural beliefs and values of the place he comes from. He may be from a particular place but may not accept some aspects of the cultures and values of his people. I’m talking about his personal beliefs and values. What beliefs and cultural values does he hold dear? What are the things that mean the most to him? You can tell these from the random statements he makes, as I earlier mentioned.

Pointer 7: Is He Submitted To God?

I had wanted to tag this pointer “his relationship with God” but I felt it would create some confusion and probably mislead you, so I chose “Is he submitted to God instead”. I’m not asking if he goes to church, prays, fasts, sees visions, prophesies, speaks in tongues, is born again etc. I’m referring to someone whose life is submitted to God, who allows the word and spirit of God direct and rule his life. Why? You can never go wrong with someone who is submitted to God. How do you know he’s submitted to God? From the steps he takes and how he takes them. Or have you forgotten that it is written, by their fruits, you shall know them?

So What Next?

Now you’ve read all these pointers, use them to do the necessary check on the man in your life and be sure he’s who you think he is. The ball is now in your court. Like I said in the first sequel of the post series titled "Man Check", if you’re just dating him for dating sake, you may not need what all these. But if you intend to take the relationship to the next level, probably switch gears to courtship/marriage, then you should do some serious man check.

P.S: Thanks so much for reading. Don’t forget to share this post with all the pips in your life. Happy New Month. See ya in the month of May. Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked.

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