4 Signs You’re a Fault Finder

Who is a fault finder? A fault finder is someone who has employed him/herself to find the fault(s) in a person or situation and made a habit/career out of it. Sometimes such people call themselves “critics” etc. but in reality, they’re just bad belle people trying to put everybody down by showing what is wrong with them. Today’s post is a soul searching post designed to open our eyes to this toxic behaviour and habit of fault finding. Before you deny it, rule things out, and justify yourself, read through these with an open and sincere heart.

#1 – You ALWAYS notice what’s wrong in a place or person before you notice what’s right

Aha! If in every situation, you have the habit of noticing what’s not working in a place/what’s inadequate and the flaws in people first before you notice the positive sides (or you don’t notice them at all), you are a confirmed FAULT FINDER. Yes ke! Just like google, all you do is find stuff and unfortunately, it’s only the bad stuff you know how to detect. You’re soo good at pointing out the wrong stuff (which is not too bad in itself if you handle it rightly) but unfortunately, you lack a solution for it and don’t know the right way/manner to communicate what you observe so people are most times pissed at you and what you have to say, even though it’s the truth.

#2 – You complain more than you show gratitude

Ask any positive minded person, complainers are like irritants; hanging around them irritates and dampens your spirit. Even God almighty hates it when we complain and murmur. If most of your statements tend towards complaining about what is wrong too much, instead of finding things that are working in your life to be grateful for, your level as a fault finder is really increasing. 

#3 – You find it HARD to give compliments but EASY to criticise

Do I need to explain this? It’s quite self explanatory. Check yourself; if criticizing comes easy to you and giving compliments and encouragement seems like an upheaval task, it’s obvious that you’re a fault finder (remember, fault finders not only find but focus on faults as well).

#4 – When people compliment others, you unconsciously point out their faults

This one is something that happens unconsciously. If you find out that when people say something good about others, you always have a “but-clause” to add telling them something not so good about the person, you’re a fault finder. When someone says “she’s beautiful, intelligent etc” and you add “but she has a bow leg, flat butt etc”, and you do this habitually, it’s obvious that you are a fault finder. 

Help! I’m a Fault Finder

If you read through these and discovered that you’re a fault finder, it’s time to make a change. The last time I checked, the only accuser of the brethren and certified fault finder/bubble buster is called SATAN. You’re not his offspring so you shouldn’t be toeing his line. If you must point out the negative stuff in situations and people, let it be done in love as 1 Corinthians 16:14 says “let everything you do, be done in love.” That way, they can accept what you say and make a change, because they know you’re coming from the angle of love and not the angle of criticism alone. Take a 360 turn around and learn to focus on the positive sides of situations/people, show gratitude, give compliments and refrain from all those but-clauses. You also have you share of faults that people (and even God) have learnt to tolerate. Have a lovely weekend.

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Got questions, suggestions or private comments? Wanna reach me? Facing a relationship dilemma and in need of counsel? I’m just an email away; email me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com

Coming Up Next Week

-Running on E? Here’s What to Do

-Twists and Turns- Episode 4

Plus

-5 Reasons Why a Good Man Will Leave You (Guys Edition: Hear what they have to say. I bet it will blow your mind.)

You don’t wanna miss it! Stay hooked to the blog!!!

5 Signs You’re Running on E

Hello there, thanks for always stopping by at the blog. To all die-hard fans of the blog and new visitors alike, I wish you a peaceful happy weekend. I apologise for my inability to post episode 4 of twists and turns this Tuesday; a fresh episode will continue from next Tuesday so please expect it. It’s been a hectic week with work and a little travelling, hence the long silence. But I’m so glad I can drop this blogpost today for your reading pleasure.

“Running on E” is a term used to refer to running on empty (like a car without fuel) or being seriously stressed out and inching closer towards a breaking point. It’s impossible to drive a car when the fuel tank is completely empty (we all know that don’t we?). Before a fuel tank becomes totally dry/empty, it first reads “E” after which, if you don’t refuel, the car grinds to a sudden halt no matter how fast it is. When the fuel in a car is finished, whether you like it or not, you must stop to refuel. The same is true about your spiritual, emotional, mental and physical well-being. Here are six signs that show that you’re running on E and inching closer to a breaking point. 

#1 – Easily irritable and upset

When you begin to get pissed off at every little thing, easily take note of what is out of order at work/home and get provoked at harmless statements and situations, it’s a huge sign you’re stressed out. Running on E has a way of making you notice how bad everything around you is so you get angrier, more depressed and stressed. When your tank is full, you feel enthusiastic, bubbling with life and appreciative of everything such that you don’t really notice the negative stuff and they don’t bug you so much.

#2 – Negative thinking

Negative thinking usually accompanies running on E. When you’re at this point, it’s easy to begin to feel unappreciated, neglected and unloved by loved ones and imagine wrong things that are not actually there. Creativity is very hard at this point. All you notice are the things that are not working and hurtful things. So when next you catch yourself beginning to feel unloved, uncared for, and you start noticing that “no one calls you” as well as finding it hard to be innovative and creative, it could be a sign that you’re stressed out.

#3 – Constant tiredness

Yea, I’m talking about feeling tired even after long hours of sleep and rest that should otherwise make you feel refreshed; plus, feeling like quitting everything and running away to somewhere quiet where you can just rest. These thoughts are a signal that you’re stressed to the point where ordinary rest is insufficient and you need to refuel and refresh.

#4 – Constant headaches

All the hum drum of daily living usually leaves us with headaches that a good night’s sleep, alongside a few mild pain killers, are sure to relieve. But when the headaches become persistent for many days, it could be a sign that some issues (usually emotional or mental) are stressing you out constantly and running down your batteries. 

#5 – You find it hard to pray or show up in the house of God

One major side effect of running on E is that it affects your relational skills badly, and your fellowship with God is not exempted. When you find your zeal to pray dropping and the thought of showing up in the house of God to worship becomes cumbersome, as if it were another annoying house chore, it is a HUGE sign that you’re running on E. When you get to this point, you need to do something and do it quick!

So What Do I Do

If you find out you’re running on E, it means you need to refuel your soul and refuel it FAST before things start crashing down in your life. I’ll share what to do to refuel when you’re running on E in another post coming up next week so stay tuned. Have a lovely weekend.

Follow us on twitter here and like our facebook page here. 

Got questions, suggestions or private comments? Wanna reach me? Facing a relationship dilemma and in need of counsel? I’m just an email away; email me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com

Coming Up Next Week

-Running on E? Here’s What to Do

-Twists and Turns- Episode 4

Plus

-5 Reasons Why a Good Man Will Leave You (Guys Edition: Hear what they have to say. I bet it will blow your mind.)

You don’t wanna miss it! Stay hooked to the blog!!!

5 Reasons Why a Good Woman Will Leave You

Hello there, how’s the month of November treating you? Great, I hope. Slowly but surely, the year draws to an end. My prayer for you is that before the year runs out, that which you desire most will be granted to you.

Today’s post is dedicated to the guys, to help them understand why a woman may end up leaving you, even though she loves you. Most guys believe that the only reason a woman would love you and still leave is because you never hammer (you’ve not hit it big financially). However, this is not always the case, (trust me, I’m a woman so I know) especially if the lady has loved you for years, even while you didn’t have much. So if money is not the reason, then what could it possibly be? Just chill, I’m about to let the cat out of the bag. 

Reason #1 – You Don’t Have a Focus

This is like the biggest reason. It’s understandable when in your younger years; you’re moving here and there trying to find your feet in life. But if at your latter years, you still appear not to have a focus and direction for your life, no woman will want to have anything serious to do with you, even if she loves you like crazy. So, don’t be carried away with the knowledge that she loves you. Find God’s purpose for you/your direction in life and plunge into it. That way, she’ll know she’s not with a vagabond; who wants to enter into a car with a driver that doesn’t know where he’s going to? A good woman will stay with a man who is focused and knows where he’s going to in life, even if he doesn’t have much presently. Quit bending her ears with talks of how you love her and put this in place otherwise, you may end up losing her.

Reason #2 – You’re Becoming More Incompatible Daily

It’s true that misunderstandings are part of relationships but if after years, you still can’t understand each other, and you’re becoming more and more incompatible daily, your relationship will disintegrate fast. Two cannot walk together except they agree (Amos 3:30); if you’re disagreeing more with each passing year instead of understanding each other more, the constant friction will eventually wear you out. Strive to understand each other more and you just might save your relationship.

Reason #3 – You’re Irresponsible

Responsibility is all about knowing what is required of you by virtue of your age/position/duties and meeting it, SIMPLE! Understandably, there will be times when you can’t meet up with what is required of you, not to worry, a good woman understands this and she wouldn’t consider you irresponsible for that. However, if you don’t seem to understand your responsibilities or you understand them but you don’t try to meet them, YOU’RE IRRESPONSIBLE. If you’re financially irresponsible (you’re a spend thrift or you’re stingy and insensitive), sexually/emotionally irresponsible (unfaithful) or any kind of irresponsible, she may be tempted to leave you, even though she loves you. Why? It’s hard to respect irresponsible people and even harder to keep on loving them.

Reason #4 – You’re an Enemy of her Dreams

You may be or claim to be “the love of her life” but if for any reason, you become the enemy of her dreams/vision/aspirations, your love for her will eventually become meaningless. It’s just like telling a parent you love them but you hate their child/children. No parent will remain your friend when you hate their kids. Likewise, even though you guys seem to love each other, your constant opposition will gnaw at the fabric of your relationship and she may wake up one day and leave you.

Reason #5 – You Still Wanna Sow Wild Oats

By “sow wild oats”, I mean living a wild roller coaster life with dangerous adventures which also involves sampling other women. When she loves you, she may stick with you and give you time, hoping you’ll change and quit that life. But if you refuse to man up, get a life and become responsible, all those shenanigans could get too frustrating for her to say. 

There! Those are the reasons a good woman will leave you, even if she loves you to pieces. Love is important in a relationship but if any of these reasons start occurring and you’re not doing anything to remedy the situation, you’ll wake up one beautiful day and she’ll call it quits with you.

So guys, do you agree with these reasons? Ladies, do you agree with these reasons? Are there any possible reasons a good woman may leave a guy that I did not include? Don’t hoard your thoughts; share them via the comments section. 

P:S: Did you like this post? Share it with somebody else to enlighten them; especially the guys so they understand why a good woman may leave them.  

Got questions, suggestions or private comments? Wanna reach me? Facing a relationship dilemma and in need of counsel? I’m just an email away; email me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com

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Twists and Turns-Episode 3

Episode 3

Iye ran to the window to check out the source of the noise, she suspected it was Tamuno but she had to be sure it was her. The car came to a screeching halt that made even Bukky block her ears.
" Who is the mad man now?, she queried and to answer her question, the door opened and Tamuno stepped in screaming their names excitedly as if they were not standing in front of her.
" Hey babes what's up? My God, I had the fun if my life today. Bukky I can't stop thanking my stars for making you my friend. How else could I have had such an opportunity huh!" She flung her bag on the bed ignoring the stunned look on her friends’ faces.
"Tamuno who brought you home and why did you want to pluck out our ears with such a noise huh?" Iye asked aggrieved.
" Oh please spare me o, can't I have fun again? You will thank me if you know who", she said pulling off her shoes while Iye exchanged confused looks with Bukky.
Bukky felt something was not right, she jumped from the bed and went to have a look at the car and suddenly her knees went weak, her hands felt clammy and she needed to support her weight before her legs betray her. She had not yet composed herself when the door opened gently and that devilish grin was on his face again. A million questions ran through her mind but her tongue felt glued to the roof of her mouth.
'What in God's name is he doing here and why was he with Tamuno and how come he had a wide grin instead, not looking guilty at all? Could he have gotten what he wanted from her?’, Bukky thought to herself as she felt a gag in her throat and a rumble in her stomach as if she would puke the next minute. Tamuno cared little about love but she was all for fun and pleasure especially when it involves cute, rich guys like Osas. Oh dear God don't let it be true.' She thought she would faint when he confidently gave her a hug.

Tamuno rolled her eyes in jealousy but then she was not a betrayer, she only met him on the road and she was shocked when he asked if he could take her out for lunch, she had said yes before realizing she should have turned him down. Well she didn't sleep with him though she knew she wouldn't have the strength to say no to him if the opportunity ever came up. She had not heard the gist of his last date with Bukky so she didn't know what transpired. Bukky was too innocent for him but the stupid girl was too naive to see that and no matter how she tried to tell Bukky that men are not worth the stress, she still went about like a love sick princess in search of her prince charming. “Prince charming my foot, there are no princes and there is no such thing as love”, she thought to herself. She used to be that naive but not anymore…

Being in JSS 3 felt like being the most senior student of the school. They delighted in breaking all the rules there was to break from wearing tight and short skirts instead of the knee length ones the school provided. The senior boys had eyes on them and oh, how they loved the attention they got. Even though she was a big snub, the only guy she liked was Bayo, the labour prefect. He seemed like a very good guy and she honestly thought he liked her. She usually felt her skin crawling in excitement whenever he approached her. He always had something nice to say to her and though she looked like a naughty girl, she was still very naive.
She always imagined him being her boyfriend though she knew he liked her as a younger sister. Her friends teased her frequently, always telling her that her school father is a bully and she always defended him by saying it was because they were not doing their labour work.
On the day of her final JSCE exams, they were to go home after a night party thrown by the social prefect to send them forth. She was so excited when Bayo pulled her aside, she knew the senior girls hated it when their mates paid more attention to the younger girls but she cared less. She felt like Cinderella when out of all the girls at the party, he chose to dance with her. That was the best day if her life until she discovered something was not right. The light had gone dim and the music was slower, she felt him pulling her closer and dragging her in a certain direction until she realised they were in the inner room of the social center.
" Senior Bayo, why did you bring me here, let's go and join others. My friends might be searching for me now", she said in a panicky voice as she felt his ragged breath on her neck.
"Tamuno come on girl, you know you are safe with me and I will not do anything to hurt you." He said running his hand down her spine squeezing her closer to him.
" Yes but why are you doing this?", she asked trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach.
" Because I love you, because I am crazy about you and I can't bear to lose you when you leave. Believe me, I have had sleepless nights thinking about you", he replied without letting go of her.
"Really?", said Tamuno as she noticed her voice sounded like someone else's. Something told her to push him away but his hand held her firmly, he put his hand under her skirt and even a fool knew what that meant. He touched her roughly and she struggled to pull away begging him to slow down, she even tried shouting but she knew no one heard her because of the very loud music. She cursed and begged her pleas fell on deaf ears, muffled by the hormones raging within him. The memory of the pain she felt not just in her genitals but in her heart felt so fresh as a loud voice brought her back to reality
"Tamuno!!!"….

To be continued….

P.S: Twist and Turns continues next Tuesday. Read, invite friends to read and share cuz it's only gonna get hotter. 

Read Older Episodes Here 

Episode 1 2 

Pheobe Omiwole is a motivational speaker and a talented writer who uses her pen and voice to affect the world and the lives of men. She also has a personal blog where she writes really inspiring stuff. Check out her blog on  http://www.pheobeomiwole.WordPress.com

For the Guys: 20 Things You Should Know About Her

Hello there, how’s the month going? Like a dream, the month is slowly drawing to an end and so is the year. This post is dedicated to the guys and to everyone in a relationship. In short and concise terms, it gives direct insight that will help you understand the lady in your life and how to handle her. Happy reading!

1. Just like the mirror, what you give her is what you get in return. Show her love, she’ll reciprocate; play her, you get played.
2. She might seem hard, aggressive and difficult outwardly, but she needs love, support, encouragement and kindness to tame her.
3. Every good woman longs for a responsible man who will make her feel secure and allay her fears.
4. Give her security and she will pick up a gun to defend you.
5. Every girl deserves a guy who takes her out on a date, and does not touch her anywhere but her heart.
6. Don struggle; when she sees a future with you, she won't care about your past; so, stay you.
7. The best way to bring out her beauty is to give her genuine love and it’ll pop out like fine wine.
8. It's normal for couples to have disagreements but how you handle them shows her how mature you are when misunderstanding arise.

9. Once you make her lose your trust in a relationship, there are ways to get it back.  It just requires patience, time and a true desire to get it back
10. The easiest way to crush trust in your relationship is to compare her with your ex. She is her, and your ex is your ex.
11. Policing a woman is a waste of time; whatever she wants to do, she will do - with or without you.
12. She won't cheat on you not because she is SCARED of you, but because she RESPECTS you and desires to honour your relationship
13. Every woman is a queen. Assume your role as a king and you will be shocked where your queen will emerge from.
14. You have to go through the worst to get the best. Don't expect her to change overnight, wounds don't get healed instantaneously.
15. If you don't see yourself fulfilling purpose with her, she is somebody else's woman.
16. Every shoe comes in pairs. Discover your right co-pair and you’ll sleep on the "softest" pillow ever.
17. Before you met her, she had dreams and aspirations like "sister to sister"; don't kill it selfishly because you are the driver of the relationship. Instead, provide a premise to help her grow her aspirations.
18. Every mature woman needs you to be RESPONSIBLE and not just WEALTHY.
19. Your dress sense can raise a woman’s ego higher than her shoulders.
20. Apply these nuggets and tendencies are she'll love you far better than you ever imagined.


Written by

Tehila Godwin Olofu

Tehila Godwin Olofu is a Nigerian music producer with 360 studios Keffi with a new found passion for writing. He’s been dropping a lot of relationship and life nuggets lately and he will be sharing a few of them right here on the blog. He also has music tracks of his own, majoring mostly in gospel music of the reggae and dance hall genre. Jovial, funny, down to earth and skillful are a few words that best describe him. Plus, he's still single (yea, I just couldn't leave that out *wink*). Keep a date with him for more tips and nuggets on this blog as he will be dropping by more often.

TWISTS AND TURNS - Episode 2

Episode 2

Iye watched Bukky with interest as she scooped the ice cream as if her life depended on it. She dropped the novel in her hand, picked the pillow beside her and curled herself up on the bed in the most suitable position that would enable her listen to the lamentations that would soon follow the aggressive ice cream licker.

"You know, I can't still believe he had the heart to leave me. It’s my fault of course; I’m always the fool who gives keep giving men as many chances to break my heart.", said Bukky as she dropped the plate of ice cream and furrowed her brows in concentration.

"Iye look at me now, I am beautiful and smart; I’m a natural for any musical instrument. I’m sound academically, even though I don't have the nerdy look. Is it wrong for me to want a guy that is not only interested in all the goodies I come with, but is also interested in wanting me as a person? Is it wrong for him to be a real gentleman and respect my standards and preferences? I don’t get it! Why is it that every guy I date can’t wait to fly into bed with me all in the name of love? Iye, this is the fourth serious relationship that is crashing; it’s beginning to look like I need deliverance or something. Maybe God will understand if I bend the rules a bit." Her face was twisted in agony as she expressed her bitterness.

Iye eyed her friend in pity as she thought about what she said. It’s just sooo unfortunate that good men are very scarce these days; men that would respect sexual purity in a relationship. “Why in the world would a man insist on making love to a lady who respects her chastity? Where are the days where virgins are respected and sought after like a priced jewel?”, she thought to herself. God forbid that she advice her friend to give in. There’s nothing cool about giving into sex simply because you’re pressured by a so-called boyfriend except for a truck load of regrets when the relationship eventually gets sour. Without saying a word to her friend, she turned and glanced with nostalgia at the beautiful picture on the wall. It was her six year old daughter Mimi smiling happily at the camera, looking beautiful and happy as always. Sadly, as happy as she looked in the picture, she had recently been taken away forcefully without her mother’s consent by her biological father and his people amidst all kinds of threats if Iye tried anything funny. Mimi, her precious little princess, was proof of what one foolish unplanned action and one wrong decision could result in...

"Iye I am not comfortable seeing you hang around that boy, he is not good for you. I didn't train you to be that way", her mum scolded in her usual manner. But of course Iye waved off such words like the humming of a nasty mosquito whispering in her ears, after all, she was not doing anything bad.

"Mum please, I am not a kid anymore. Dave is just a friend. Stop listening to those jobless neighbours around that don't have any other business other than gossiping about me and..."

"Shut up my friend”, her mother scolded even more, adding a slap on Iye’s cheek to further drive home the point which Iye narrowly dodged. “Instead of you to be praying that your admission comes through you are busy following boys all around the area abi? That useless boy who can barely feed himself, who doesn’t know what he wants in life…Just be careful o! You know how your father is, if you come home carrying another man's bastard, just forget about anything spelt SCHOOL; that is if you survive what he will do to you.

"God forbid! Haba mummy, Dave is just my friend. We don't do such things and in fact I would never give him room to try such. I am not a bad girl now. It’s just that he’s funny and very sweet. He says encourages me and helps me in many ways and..."

“If I hear one more word from you…”, her mother interjected grabbing one of Iye’s ear and winding it with all her might while Iye winced in pain as she struggled to free herself from her mother’s grip. "That is how it usually starts and the next thing follows is a big belly."

"Oooooh! Mummy naaaaa, is that why you want to remove my ears?”

"You see that stupid grin on your face, that adoration in your eyes when you were talking about him? That is how it begins and before you know it, you won't just be opening your teeth smiling, you will be opening your legs too and by then, it would be too late. I’m not itching to be a grandma yet." Her mother said with all the seriousness she could muster.

"Ahn! Ahn! Mummy, is that a curse or what? I reject it o. Andy wouldn't try such a thing; I trust him. Besides, he respects me and knows I’m not the type", she said in self defense.

"Oh, really! Well, since you have refused to be reasonable, let's do it this way. If you know I am your mother that carries you for nine months, and if you know you sucked this breast…”, she said beating her chest, “…I don't want you to see that boy again; not in my house or anywhere else. Is that clear? I won't stand here and watch you mess your life up. You are my only daughter for heaven's sake" she lamented.

"Mum that is not fair, it’s just not fair. Is it a crime to have a friend? Please mummy", she pleaded.

"Capital NO! I hate to see you sad but I have a bad feeling about this guy. There will be many more guys in future but not this one please and not now. Promise me you won't see him again..."

Iye grudgingly promised to do as her mum said, a promised she didn’t to intend to keep, which eventually led to a series of events which she didn’t want to remember. That line of thought would have to wait until a later date because Bukky needs her help now.

“Iye!!! You’re not saying anything. Or am I talking to myself?”

Gathering herself out of her walk down memory lane, Iye sighed deeply and looked into her friend’s pretty face. "Bukky, I know what bending the rules means and believe me sweety, it’s not a road you wanna walk through. You and I know the repercussions for bending the rules is even more painful in the long run than the pain of doing what everyone else feels has become old fashioned. The fact that Osas, or whatever his name is, said its over does not mean it is over with your life. You have to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and move on."

Bukky paced the length and breadth of the room like someone whose family member was in the labour room.

"That is exactly what I do not want to hear. Where has holding on to standards and principles taken me? I’ll tell you where; it has taken me through three break ups and if care is not taken, a fourth one is on the way. It’s not like it’s officially over, but it’s almost as good as things being over between Osas and I. You know I love him very much and I don't want to lose him. He is everything I desire in a man and he is even talking about marrying me. But recently, he gave me a condition and I guess you know what it is but my question is, will doing it be as bad as they always tell us? Don't you think there’s no harm in doing it, after all we love each other and will be getting married anyways? And..."

"Bukky”, Iye said placing a hand on Bukky’s shoulder to get her to stand still, “I understand how you feel but sweetheart, do you really think it’s okay to dump all you stand for just to keep a man? No matter what I say, you know the right thing to do and the choice is yours to make. I can’t make a decision for you, you have to think about it yourself." She picked her novel and continued reading.

To be continued…

P.S: Twist and Turns continues next Tuesday. Read, invite friends to read and share cuz it's only gonna get hotter. 

Read Older Episodes Here 

Episode 1

Pheobe Omiwole is a motivational speaker and a talented writer who uses her pen and voice to affect the world and the lives of men. She also has a personal blog where she writes really inspiring stuff. Check out her blog on  http://www.pheobeomiwole.WordPress.com