10 Signs You’ve Caught the Bitterness Virus

Life is too short to spend it angry and bitter against those who hurt you. Let Go!!!

So my birthday has come and gone (it was on Tuesday 17^th June) and I’m still feeling fresh and new basking in the euphoria of that special day. Special thanks to all those who sent texts, facebook messages, called and gave gifts; and special thanks to my Word WYN pips who came to hang out with me later that day.

“Bitterness” here means anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly. It refers to that point you get to in life when all you think about is who hurt you and what they did over and over again to the point it generates feelings of anger, thoughts of revenge and the wish that something similar or something worse would happen to them. Bitterness is a verrrry crippling emotion that, if allowed to go on unchecked, could lead to the following:

1. Seeking revenge by any means. 
2.  Distaste and HATRED for people of similar gender, tribe, race or age to the one(s) who hurt you.
3. A negative change in your behavior which makes you violent, rude, nasty etc. 
4.  Depression and psychological disorders. 
5.  Loss of zeal and passion for life leading to suicidal thoughts and even suicide itself.

Bitterness is a pit that you don’t want to fall into. Why? Because it twists your life’s focus and gets you to focus on things that will only bring out the worst in you. Unfortunately, for as long as we live, nasty things will always occur that may tempt us to become bitter. And even though we wish we could prevent ourselves from getting hurt, we can’t prevent it all the time. Here are 10 signs that will help you know you’re plagued by the bitterness virus and you need to get help.

Signs that Bitterness has Taken Hold of You

1. You’ve become a shadow of yourself since ____________ happened to you. You’re no longer the joyful, jovial person you once were.
2.  Almost everything around you reminds you about that one incident you’re trying so hard to forget and when things happens you cry and feel rage all over again.
3. Each time you remember what hurt you, you feel the same anger, hurt and disappointment you felt the day it happened, as if it was occurring all over again.
4. You’re looking for a way to revenge and get even with the one(s) who hurt you. 
5.  You now see men/women as dogs, liars, devils etc or you now hate all people of a certain tribe or gender with a passion. 
6.  You no longer feel like living anymore because life has lost its taste.
7. You no longer want to get married or get into a relationship.
8. You punish all other men or women for the sins of the one who hurt you. 
9.  You’ve become hypersensitive; a little action triggers a tornado reaction from you. People have to watch their tongue around you and practically walk on egg shells.
10. You always talk about the fact that you were hurt to anyone who cares to listen, even though it’s been years since it happened.

 Are You Infected by Bitterness?

If you check yourself and you’ve discovered that you’re plagued by bitterness, I’ll like you to know that you need to get help. Bitterness creates an ulcer or wound in your soul and psyche that, if left unchecked, could eat you up gradually and cause you to self-destruct with time. Bitterness is a product not only of being hurt but of not forgiving and letting go of what happened. Yes, you’re right to feel hurt and angry about what happened. Yes those things shouldn’t have happened to you in the first place. But they did anyway and you have to learn to live with them. In the process of learning to walk, kids fall many times and even get wounded some times. But they also learn to rise up from the ground and walk again instead of staying angry and blaming the stone/ground for hurting them.  The #1 antidote to bitterness is forgiveness. Will it be easy? Of course not. Forgiveness is a process that begins the healing of your soul and eventually enables you to get to the point it doesn’t hurt anymore. Will you get to that point? Only if you take the first step - forgiveness. 

It’s a Serious Matter

Bitterness is a slow poison that will poison every aspect of your life if you don’t deal with it. We have to nip it in the bud immediately. Keep a date with me tomorrow as we talk about bitterness, its effects and how to forgive and overcome it. For more on bitterness, click here and here to read similar posts on bitterness.

P:S-Kindly share this post with everyone you think is plagued with bitterness. It will do them a lot of good plus you’ll be saving a life.

Are you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship matters and life in general?  E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.

Follow us on twitter @sister2sisterni and like our facebook page here.

Hallmarks of Maturity: Are you mature???

Your originality is your uniqueness; your uniqueness is your swag. Stay Original.

By now, I’m sure you’ve lived long enough to know that maturity is not a product of age alone. Maturity stems from your exposure, knowledge, understanding, experiences (both the ones that happened to you and those that happened to others) and your ability to put away childishness and allow these things influence you positively. I’m a huge fan of this verse (1 Cor 13:11) that says “When I was a child, I spoke as a child (and acted as one), understood as a child and thought as a child; but when I became a man (in other words, when I became mature), I put away childish things (emphasis + words in bracket mine). Why? It shows me that maturity involves putting away childish ways (thoughts, words, understanding and acts). This means that when we become mature, if we don’t put away childish ways, they will still cling to us. In the youth ministry I belong to (Word WYN), this is our year of maturity; so for a while now, this word has been ringing in my heart.

Maturity is on so many levels: physical, spiritual, emotional, mental, marital and financial. Physical maturity is the most visible kind of maturity and it is the only kind of maturity that happens without our effort; except for the fact that what we eat affects this rate of maturity. The other kinds of maturity all require personal consistent effort to be achieved. They are a product of what we read, see, hear, and experience, how much we allow these things to influence us and how much of our childish (unproductive) ways we choose to give up. In subsequent posts, I’ll be dealing with maturity on each of these levels. But today, let’s take a look at a few hallmarks of maturity; I mean the ones that show your maturity at first glance.  

Sensitivity

Sensitivity is the ability to understand moods and non-verbal communication per time, the ability to know how best to respond to these and act accordingly. We need sensitivity everywhere: in our dealings with people, in our relationships, in making the right decisions and handling disagreements/delicate matters. Sensitivity is a very important key factor to a successful marriage. Sensitivity helps us know when to speak, when to keep silent, when to make a request or give a suggestion. A lot of times, when people speak, there are unspoken messages implied in their tone and even in their silence. In our dealings with God, sensitivity is also required to understand his will and counsel per time and discern matters accurately. Your level of sensitivity shows how mature you are.

Your Knowledge of What to Disclose

No matter your occupation or position in life, your knowledge of what to disclose and what to keep as a secret shows how mature you are. It’s not everything you tell everyone. Even without being told “don’t tell anyone”, maturity and discretion helps you know which issues should be kept secret and from whom. Haba now, there are some things you shouldn’t disclose to the public on facebook, twitter and the likes, even if you’re a celebrity. Even when you’re being interviewed, it’s not every question asked that you should give an answer to. Or haven’t you heard people being interviewed who were asked questions about their private life and they gave answers like “I don’t want to discuss that” or “my private life is not for public consumption”? What about those delicate matters people confide in you on that you disclose blatantly without a moment’s thought?  That’s childishness. Discretion tells you that certain information should be kept private.

How You Handle Anger, Criticism, Scolding and Disagreements

No one likes having to handle and endure anger, criticism, scolding and disagreements, but these are all part of life and we must all learn to deal with them. Inability to handle each of these properly leads to messy situations we would rather avoid. Childish responses to these include: anger (or even rage), self-justification and name-calling, yelling or maybe throwing punches and malice-keeping. Maturity is the ability to feel all these impulses/emotions in these unpleasant settings, resist being controlled by them and do the right thing. Is this easy? Of course not. It’s much easier to cuss their generations out, damn all of them and give it to them fire for fire or even beat the hell out of them. But think about it, if you saw a child trying to act in this same way, wouldn’t you rebuke him/her? Ohooo! Handling all these is actually not so easy but it is possible.

Your Ability to Keep Your Word and Manage Your Finances (Trustworthiness) 

How trustworthy are you? Can your words be trusted? Can you be trusted with money (your money and the money of others)? Boasting and bragging are hallmarks of childishness that need to be put away. Maturity includes saying what you mean and meaning what you say. The natural impulse of children is to spend money (usually on things that satisfy for the moment) on frivolous stuff, as long it is what they desire. As we grow older, we still feel these impulses, but maturity enables us realize that there are priorities and we should pick these over frivolous stuff.  Search yourself today, can you be trusted financially? Can your words be trusted?

Self-Control

This is a very deep one. Self-control is one of the greatest hallmarks of maturity (or should I say the highest) because it encompasses all the other hallmarks earlier mentioned. Self-control is simply your ability to control yourself (your thoughts, words, feelings, emotions, impulses, lust/desires, spending habits etc). He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit is better than he who captures a city (provs 16:32). He who cannot rule over his own spirit (he who lacks self-control) is like a city that is broken down without walls (provs 25:28). Self-control is built gradually over time in diverse areas of our lives. One who lacks self-control has handed the remote control of his life to the things that are able and willing to destroy him/her.

The Road to Maturity

Maturity is actually a journey, not a destination. It’s a process that goes on daily as we trade our childish habits and tendencies for mature ones. It’s not an easy process. But grace on our side to help us, it is possible. What areas of your life currently show maturity? What areas do you need help with? If you’re willing to give up those childish harmful ways, the grace of God is able to help you walk in maturity in all dimensions. What do you stand to gain from all these? A lot, my dear; your maturity affects those around you in more ways than you can imagine. Or have you forgotten “garbage in, garbage out” (or should I say maturity in, maturity out) and “what a man sows, he shall reap”???

Have a smashing weekend.

P.S: At 3:00pm G.M.T (4:00pm Nigerian time) tomorrow, 11th May, 2014, we’ll be commencing an online debate on “maturity” and “dumb moves ladies/guys make”.  

Catch us on our twitter handle @sister2sisterni and our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria to participate. It’s going to be hot and insightful.