Is It The Guys I Pick or Is It Me? (pt 1)

Instead of playing the blame game, check to see if you’re responsible for it too…selah

In one of the popular fairy tales (I can’t remember the name, I think it’s the frog prince), a princess kisses a frog and he turns into a sweet handsome prince. Wow! As much as we wish that would happen in real life, most times kissing a frog, so to speak, does not turn him into a prince. Today’s post is dedicated to those who’ve not been so “lucky” in relationships; those who’ve been in a lot of relationships that came to an abrupt end. If this is your story, you’ll agree with me that you get to that point where you begin to wonder: Is it me or is it the guys I pick??? It’s quite easy to blame it on the guys you’ve dated so far by saying “they were not the right one for me that’s why”. But before you give yourself these excuses once again, let’s look at things closely to be sure you don’t have a hand in creating this vicious cycle.

Check out some factors that may be contributing to the vicious cycle of dating all the wrong men still running its course in your life.

Your Love For The “Six Pack”

Yes ke, who doesn’t love the guy with the six-pack (by six-pack here I mean a guy who has a good build and also looks good)? I mean, why shouldn’t we have a crush on him or even love him? The truth sis is: if having a six-pack is your prerequisite for picking a man, then you’ll be hanging out with a lot of six-packed frog princes so to speak. His six-pack doesn’t guarantee that he will treat you right in that relationship. It does guarantee one thing though: you’ll look good in photos and get an award as “the girl friend of the six-packed hunk”. Redo your checklist for picking a prospective partner to include lasting characters that make for a good relationship and you’ll no longer be stuck with kissing six-packed frog princes.

The Places You Go To (Your Social Circle)

Your social circle kind of restricts those you’ll meet. There are certain places you go to that make you prone to meeting guys who are only after having fun, players, low-lifes and the likes (I’ll leave you to figure out such places for yourself). If you keep going to a bad well to fetch water, don’t complain when all you keep getting is dirty water. Sweety, if you’re tired of meeting these unserious and unpleasant people, change the places you go to; change your social cycle.

You Give Your Heart Too Soon

Sometimes, when we feel we’ve found “the man of our dreams”, it fills us with so much joy that we give our heart, love and even our bodies too soon only to discover that he’s not that into us. What started as a prospective wonderful relationship then becomes a nightmare due to unrequited love, cold shoulders from the guy etc. Girl friend, don’t be in a haste to bring out all your wifey skills and switch to wifey mode when a relationship is just starting out. Even though you guys are now dating, it’s not a done deal cuz he’s still observing and rating you to see if he wants to stick with you. So, if he discovers you’re not really what he wants, he may leave you high and dry, despite all the love you’ve been showing him. This could be the reason you’ve been ditched serially all this while.

You’re in Love With “Bad Guys”

Okay, before you accuse me, “bad guys” here means all those fly guys with a lot of swag who know how to put it on you and make you feel great as a lady but also come with a baggage of VICES. The best metaphor to describe them would be buying poison in a cute bottle or can and drinking it only to start feeling the sting afterwards. Ideally, one would think any sane and intelligent lady won’t fall into the trap of these “bad guys” but in reality, MANY cute intelligent ladies get involved with these guys. If you find that you’ve dated more bad guys than you can count, it may be because you’re in ‘love’ with such guys and how they make you feel. To tell the truth, these guys know how to make a lady feel good but when they start dishing out their other side, all we wanna do is RUN! For more on this, click here.

A History of Abuse

When you’ve suffered some form of abuse in your past, especially while growing up either directly or indirectly, you may come to a point where you’re comfortable with enduring nasty treatment in relationships. A history of abuse increases your tolerance (threshold) for nasty treatment in certain aspects and may even create mascochism in your life. If this is your case, you may have found yourself making this kind of excuses:

• He’s the only one who loves me in the world and I don’t wanna lose him

• He’s nasty/abusive to me or beats me I caused it and because he loves me.

• I’ve suffered worse things and they didn’t kill me so I’ll endure it.

And now you’re wondering why all the guys you’ve dated so far have been nasty to you and you’re probably even settling for the idea that love and life is all about pain.

Is That All?

No dear, there’s more to come. Watch out for the rest of the factors (five more actually) that have kept you in the vicious cycle of dating frog princes tomorrow. Keep a date with us for the sequel to this juicy post. xoxo

P.S- Shout out to all the good men who treat their women right; watching you do your gives us hope and makes life beautiful. If you’re reading this from a mobile device, click view web version to see the wonderful features of the blog that are exclusive to the desk-top version.

Are you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship matters and life in general?  E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.

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3 Misconceptions People Have About Starting a Business

The shortest way to successfully build anything is to start and continue till you finish it.

 Written By: Tammy Bankins (Guest Blogger)

This post began as a question someone asked which went thus: “are there any shortcuts in business?” The question got me laughing a little and of course, my answer was “no, there aren’t any shortcuts in business”. This question stems from a lot of misconceptions people have about starting a business; a by-product of the get-rich-quick / be-my-own-boss syndrome that often hits a lot of us. I have seen a countless number of people jump into business, abandoning their current jobs, hoping for better times only to get disappointed along the line. Some of them even ended up losing all their life savings in the process. Usually, the million dollar question that pops up in their minds at that point is: “what happened?” Most times, when a lot of people get in the world of business, they have their mind centered on how much profit they would make and how soon these profits would start rolling in; totally oblivious of the fact that every business has its risks, low moments and high points. 

You see, business isn’t like preparing noddles! Neither is it like art where a mistake can become an extension of the artist’s creativity and probably even hit the jackpot! Business is a process!  It’s like building a house and it requires that you commit to it for the long haul otherwise, all you’ll be left with is a trail of abandoned projects (businesses). Sincerely speaking, the whole process of building a business can be quite tasking and boring, especially at the initial stage. Here are 3 out of the many misconceptions people usually have about starting a business.

#1-It’s My Passion So It’s Going To Be Easy

It’s okay to get into a business simply because you have passion for it. But, if you think the process of getting that business established is going to be an easy one simply because it’s your passion, then you’ll be in for a shocking surprise. I hear people say “this is something I have passion for so it’s not gonna take me time to make it in this business." But the truth is that in business, your passion is the weakest guarantee of a quick rise. Why? Because passion cannot withstand the heat of business! Passion cannot confront or withstand the boredom/down moments that accompany business (a basic component of all businesses). Passion gives you momentary excitement which is good because it enables you kick-start the business. However, it is commitment, tenacity and diligence that get you through in the long run. The same thing also applies to talent; neither passion nor talent alone is sufficient to make you last in business. Tiger Woods may have been a born golfer, yet, he worked harder than average golfers to rise to his current position. Even if the business idea burning in you is something inborn, to become a high flyer, you must pay the price to make it work just like a person who wasn’t born with such a gift.

#2-It’s All About the Daily or Monthly Cash Flow

The thought of having something (a business) that generates extra income is quite an exhilarating one; a propelling force for most people’s attempt at business. Talk about having multiple streams of income…I mean, who doesn’t need the extra cash every now and then? We all do!  But before you get so excited because you heard your friend boast about how he makes N30,000 every day from starting with just a N10,000 capital, the question you should be asking them is how long it took them to get to that point and the things they had to endure or go through. Mind you, most people boast about gross earnings not their net earnings after salary deductions, tax, maintenance costs and even tithe! How much a business generates daily or monthly shouldn’t be your strongest motivation for plunging into it. This mindset of what you stand to gain opens the door and makes you vulnerable to fraudsters who are out to get you and your money with sweet promises of a quick return on your capital (profit). If all you want is to make money fast, there are two places I guarantee this way of thinking will lead you to: the police cell across the street and a hospital bed at the clinic closest to you.

#3-Huge Capital = Large Scale Profits

One popular misconception people have about business is that starting a business on a large scale with a huge capital guarantees huge profit margins instantly. With this in mind, they raise a large amount of money and start big only to end big and in pieces! The fact that you have all the capital it takes to start is a good thing, but that is no guarantee for quick returns. As you learn to master the ropes of your new business, you’ll only be making the expected errors on a larger scale which equals larger losses. You don’t need to borrow huge sums of money borrow or empty your life savings to start a business (especially if it’s a business you’re not so familiar with or you’re new in business) just because you want to hit it big instantly. Start with what you have and make mistakes on a small scale while you learn from them and your business eventually grows stronger, making more profit with time.

A Few More Words

• Make out time to nurture whatever you’ve invested your money into.

• Don’t be in a haste to “hammer” or make it big instantly.

• Follow the process, stick with the boredom and learn to become better at the business.

All through my business career, I have learnt the hard way that not all businesses make you profit from the first shot. Some businesses you venture into will build your creativity, others will build your persistence and aggression, then suddenly, the money begins to flow in and you become what people erroneously call an "overnight success". You are a success story waiting to happen. Just hang in there; learn all you can and don’t look for any shortcuts to success/making it big because there are none.

Tammy Bankins is a young Nigerian business man who has a passion for business and helping those who want to start their own business with useful tips garnered from his experience in the world of business.

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Got any questions on business for our guest blogger? E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com

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