5 Signs He’s Not the Man for You

Hello Sis,

How’s the cold weather treating you? Hope it’s not causing you any trouble. I’m enjoying the weather cuz this is my favourite season of the year. You know why? It does my complexion much good *wink*. Today’s post is dedicated to all those ladies who are already in a relationship and don’t know for sure if you’re with the right man. Not to worry. Here are 5 signs that will help you know if the man you’re with is good for you or not.

#1 -   He can’t handle your weaknesses

Every human on the earth has weaknesses. The right man for you is specially graced by God and experiences to handle, tolerate and love you with your weaknesses. He will be kind to you and patient with you in the areas of your weaknesses as he encourages you to get better. Your weaknesses are not a deal breaker for him. He knows them well and accepts you the way you are. He even adapts to you by becoming a help in the area of your weakness. For instance, if he knows your weakness is late coming, he devices ways to ensure you come early by waking up hours ahead and when you occasionally slip, he won’t kill you for it.

#2 -   He can’t handle your dreams

If you’re an ambitious woman or a woman with dreams, the right man for you is one who celebrates and supports your dreams. He is not threatened or intimidated by what you have achieved or will achieve. He constantly finds ways to support the advancement of your dreams. The wrong man for you is anyone who has a preset view on what a woman should do and is trying to remake you into his dream woman. For example, some men believe a woman shouldn’t work; others believe she should leave whatever she is doing and manage one of his business outlets, become a nurse or anything that he chooses. They have no respect or regard for your dreams/purpose. If you value your dreams, you shouldn’t be with such a man because he will just end up choking you to death.

#3 – He can’t handle your temperament

Everyone has a temperament; some other people call it personality. The wrong man always complains about the things in your temperament that makes you who you are. God made us all who we are. Our background and experiences also contributes to who we are. When I say temperament here, I mean those aspects of you that are natural or core to you. For instance, if you’re a naturally reserved person, the wrong man for you is one who complains that you’re too quiet. If he wants a boisterous person, he should simply go for one! If you’re a lively person, the wrong man is one who complains that you’re too lively. The right man loves you the way you are; whether you’re lively or reserved. He may complain if you take it out of proportion, but he basically accepts you as you are.

#4 – Fans you into foolishness

The wrong man for you is any man who encourages you to do stupid and foolish things that are against your personal principles and bring out the worst in you. If he always unconsciously or consciously brings out the worst in you, he is not good for you. Check your life since you met him; has he brought out the best, the worst or the foolishness in you? The answer will tell you if he is the man for you or not.

#5 – Does not contribute to your improvement

Iron sharpens iron; the right man’s presence in your life over time will make you a better, more refined, more fruitful woman. A man of worth will add to you tremendously with time and I’m not referring to money. If all he is contributed to your life so far is getting you addicted to booze, clubbing, sex, twerking etc., sister, he’s not good for you.

Please note that every man is good, but not every man is good for you as a person. You may like him a lot and he may love you to pieces but you may both be unsuitable for each other. Water and fire are good individually. However, both do not mix because one quenches the other. The wrong man may not be bad or nasty as a person but when the two of you come together, the combination is unsuitable or sometimes lethal. When you let go of the wrong man, you open the door for God to lead you to the right one.

P:S – Over to you dear reader. Can you think of any other signs? Add them in the comments section. 

Do you have any private issues you want to raise or discuss on life, relationships, work etc.? Would you like to advertise with us? I'm just an email away! Email me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com

 

Evidence Grace is the founder and head-blogger at Sister 2 Sister Nigeria. She's passionate about seeing people get it right in life, destiny and marriage. A woman of many gifts, and talents, she is focused on fulfilling God's purpose for her life, becoming ALL God has fore-ordained her to be and spreading the gospel to the ends of the earth. Her marital status? Keep your fingers crossed.

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5 Reasons Why a Good Man Will Leave You

Happy weekend to all newbies and faithfuls of the blog! This post is actually a sequel to an earlier juicy post 5 reasons a good woman will leave you. As I promised, in this post, the guys are letting us understand the reasons why a good man will leave you while yours truly will keep her lips sealed and listen (yes today I’m a student on this post). Two guest bloggers Hussein Jethro Sule and Dalan Cbn Dalan will give us their 5 reasons why a good man will leave any woman. Not only that, the views of a few guys on the matter that were kind enough to give us their responses will also be featured here. Have fun reading this eye opening post.

Warning: It’s gonna be a long read because of the views of different guys sampled here but I guarantee you, you won’t regret reading it one bit. So, brace yourself up and read, read, read!

Hussein Speaks…

A good man is a man that is good and if a good man is dating any woman I do not see any reason why he would leave her except she is so carnally minded. But here are some tips to help the ladies:

1. When you do not support his vision: A man who has vision will always desire a woman who can support that vision not destroy it. But where the woman is always kicking against his vision via words and actions, he’ll stop discussing it with her and that’s a sign that she is on her way out of his life. 
2. When you are troublesome: If you always nag, quarrel and get angry with your man at every instance, get ready to leave his life. The bible says it in these words “it’s better to dwell in a corner of a house top, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” You don’t need to contend with your man, understand him and you will know how to handle him. 
3. Pride and selfishness: If you are a proud woman and not ready to change, you will soon fall because pride goes before a fall. If you always go to the extent of exhibiting pride to him and you’re too obstinate to give in to change; he might just let you be. So also, if all you think about is “me, myself and I” you will soon lose him. This attitude makes him so sure you’ll be selfish to your own family and extend it to his family too and ultimately, his children and this is one thing he won’t take from you. 
4. Lies: If you are fond of lies, a good man will leave you. A good man is a man who loves God; God hates lies and a good man hates lies too. When you lie about virtually everything; you lie about your whereabouts, you lie about what’s happening, you lie about what you are doing. Aahh! Woman you are not just a liar, you are a LIE. 
5. Infidelity: If you want to “spread your hands and taste the waters” then be ready to lose your man. You can’t be jumping from one bed to another and expect to settle on the bed of a good man. He will never allow you. Marriage is not the cure for fornication; renew your mind and stay with God, not another relationship. If you still want to keep measuring/tasting men or looking for a suitable match for yourself; you will not get a good man and if you do, your character will not keep him.

I want to believe that this has taught you a good lesson; note your weaknesses and work on them. God’s mercy erases all messes; if you’re guilty of any of these. Ask God for His mercy, ask him to forgive you and help you now and always. 

Dalan Cbn Dalan speaks…

Let me begin by saying that whenever a discussion or debate on relationships between young men and women comes up, I don't waste time trying to paint or add cosmetics to it. I always tell singles like me that relationships that would lead to marriage ought to be practical and being practical in this context means 'DOING THE RIGHT THING'. Having said all this, here are some of the Reasons why good and God-fearing men leave their women.

•  Lack of Respect:The truth is that men generally are egoistic. In other words, they have this pride in them that should be respected (privately or publicly) by their girlfriend or wife. You know what, either the late Bob Marley or Lucky Dube (I’m not certain now) said something very profound, which is that where there is respect, then there is love. On the other hand, where there is love without respect, it amounts to hypocrisy. So, women who fail to respect their men may end up losing them to other women who know this secret. I believe that respect is reciprocal but women should learn to respect the man in their life.

•  Nagging: Personally, I don't like a nagging woman and I pray + hope I don't meet one as my future wife. So, women should learn to make their men happy, cheerful and use diplomacy when trying to ask them for something.

• Unfaithfulness: Any woman who keeps more than one relationship may end up losing all of them. Remember, a bird at hand is worth thousands in the bush. So, ladies should learn to keep one relationship and nurture it. Failure to do this would make her man look elsewhere.

• Lacking in Initiative: Initiative is the ability to do the right thing without being told. For instance, cooking an irresistibly delicious meal for him, washing some of his clothes some times, supporting him financially when he is down temporarily, giving him a warm hug whenever you meet him, praying for him, advising him to support his family, especially his mum and siblings, treating his family with courtesy and respect, praying sincerely for him are all things a sensitive and wise woman ought to do. Where a lady does all this without being told, it’s hard for a man to ever think of leaving her and where he does leave her, then he is a fool forever and nemesis will catch up with him. But if she does not have the initiative, then her man would be forced to look elsewhere.

Other things are gossip, too much pretence and being lousy.

Now let’s see what the other guys have to say….

Paul speaks…

My 5 reasons why a good man will leave a woman include:

-Lack of personal vision or dreams on the part of the woman

-Unwillingness to support my dreams/God’s calling for my life

-In ability to trust

-Lies

-Disobedience

Nathan speaks…

My 5 reasons why a good man will leave a woman include:

-Too materialistic and worldly

-Spiritually inconsistent

-Does not support my dreams/aspirations and is not comfortable with it or supportive

-Lies and inability to trust

-She doesn’t have dreams and aspirations of her own

Andrew speaks…

My 5 reasons why a good man will leave a woman include:

-Too cheap

-Always nagging and trying to cajole me into proposing to her

-Unserious with her life and life in general

-Exhibits bad character such as rudeness, arrogance, disrespect etc.

Chibuzo speaks…

My 5 reasons why a good man will leave a woman include:

-She’s self-willed and hard headed; she feels she can do whatever she likes

-Unfaithfulness

-Neglects the words of the man and takes him for granted

-Doesn’t know how talk (lacks manner of approach)

Elijah speaks…

No relationship ever breaks up due to too much RESPECT. The major reason a good man will leave a woman is if she’s DISRESPECTFUL. Ladies should learn to boost their man’s ego VERY IMPORTANTLY.

Justice speaks…

My opinion on this is:

Lack of humility, dirtiness, unintelligence, the habit of over-demanding and stinginess as well as lack of sexual skillfulness are the reasons a man will leave a woman he feels deeply for. 

Oya now! You’ve heard it from the guys themselves. Oh men, na waoh. I notice some issues were kinda recurrent like disrespect, infidelity, and pride/lack of humility. Ladies, I trust that this post has opened your eyes in many ways. It will be wise if we all search ourselves to see if we’re guilty of any of these things before the good men in our lives start thinking of taking a hike. But seriously, what’s your opinion? Guys, do you agree with what they said? Ladies, let me know what you think. Comments Please! Have a lovely weekend.

Got questions, suggestions or private comments? Wanna reach me? Facing a relationship dilemma and in need of counsel? I’m just an email away; email me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com

Follow us on twitter here and like our facebook page here. 

HusseinJethro Sule is the brothers coordinator and training coordinator of Word WYN. He lives in Abuja.

Dalan Cbn Dalan studied at Nigerian Law School, Kano and lives in Jos.

6 People You Should Keep at Arms-Length this Season

Yes o! Evil company corrupts good manners (1 Corinthians 15:33). I don’t know about you o. But as for me, I have a destiny to fulfill and a dream/vision to chase till it becomes a reality. The company you keep determines to a very large extent how far you will go/rise to in life. It’s time for you to examine and re-evaluate the people who are around your life to see which ones will remain and which ones you will have to distance yourself from.

To make it easier for you, I made a list of 6 people you should keep far from your life this season. In case you’re wondering what season we’re in, this is the season of fulfilling destiny/purpose. Now to the list…

1) The Discourager

Aha! A discourager is anybody who never encourages you each time you mention your dream/plans. He or she always criticizes your dreams and tells you to “face reality” because “that will never happen” or tells you to move on to more serious things. In fact, the more you hang out with such a person, the more you begin to doubt your dreams and abilities.

2) The Time Waster

Aka Jaiye-Jaiye Prefect. This kind of person is usually a fun person. He or she adds spice to your life bringing fun, laughter and creating wonderful memories. However, when you have serious tasks lined up and a target to achieve or you need quiet time to think things through, such a person usually becomes a time-waster coming up with all sorts of time-wasting activities. What’s more, if you refuse to go with them, they take offense and blackmail you with “Eeeeeh. If it was me, I would have done this for you” until you give in.

3) The Vagabond

This kind of person has no sense of direction presently, hasn’t discovered the purpose for his life, is not chasing any dream and just does whatever he/she can lay his hands on. Each time he/she sees you doing something related to your dream, they sound like this “You and this your ……… sef. Na everyday you dey do this thing. Abeg no kill your sef o. Rest small now”. The fact that you’re focused is a threat to them because it reminds them that they have no sense of direction.

4) The Idea-Thief

Or should I say stealer..lol. This is that person in your life who “copies” every idea you come up with. He/she has copied many of your little concepts and ideas in the past. Now that you’re ready to move higher, expect more copying and idea-stealing on a higher and more painful level.

5) Non-Supportive Boyfriend

With all the hostility around us as we chase our dreams and fulfill destiny, who needs a non-supportive boyfriend who adds salt to injury? We need the people closest to us and the people who mean the most to us to support our dreams. Having a boyfriend who’s also an “enemy” of your dreams or destiny is heart breaking. Despite all your pleas for his support, if he has chosen to be a non-supportive boyfriend, you should have a re-think on his status as your boyfriend.

6) Tale-Bearers 

Aha! I’m talking about all those people who always bring stories of “he said, she said” to you. They always seem to hear when people talk about you and have commissioned themselves as tale-bearers to faithfully bring such info to you. What’s more, they know how to amplify the story and spice it up till you’re all worked up with rage and ready to declare war. You don’t need all that info. You have a race to run and a destiny to fulfill. Preserve your ears and energy for better things.

Why Do I Need To Keep Them at Arms-Length

What?!! Didn’t you know already? It’s because they are not helpful but toxic to your purpose, dreams and destiny. The more you hang around them, the more your strength and zest for life and destiny is depleted. Hebrews 12:1 says “...let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily besets us and run with patience the race set before us”. All these people are currently weights in your life that make running on the tracks of destiny more difficult than it should be. Now I’m not asking you to start keeping malice with them but you need to put some distance between you and them if you must make progress. Find a way to control and minimize your contact with them. If can’t do that, protect your dreams from them. Stop telling them stuff related to your dreams since you know they always discourage you or try to steal your ideas. And when they bring all those dem-say dem-say gist or time-wasting gimmicks, tell them you no longer have time for that.  

What about those you need to surround yourself with if you must achieve your dreams and fulfill destiny, we’ll talk about that some other time. Till then, xoxo.

P.S: Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked. xoxo

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