Things that Make Her Lose Respect for You

Today’s blogpost is dedicated to the guys as an eye opener...


It has become a widely accepted fact that men desire to be respected and cannot tolerate continued disrespect, especially from the woman in their life. A lot of times, relationships start out sweet and exhilarating but eventually turn out sour with time for different reasons. One of these reasons is disrespect. I’m not here to justify sudden disrespect in a relationship but to show you the seemingly little things that trigger disrespect in relationships, especially when it’s coming from the woman to the man. You can call them the little triggers that lead to disrespect in a relationship/marriage. For every action, they say, there is a corresponding reaction. Instead of accusing the woman in your life for the sudden attitude of disrespect, you may need to take an x-ray look at yourself to see if you’re triggering disrespect from your woman via your actions.

#1 – You’re Lazy
By “lazy” here, I mean you lack a drive to do what is necessary to advance and improve your social and financial status. And it has nothing to do with being jobless or not having enough money. A woman may be willing to start a relationship with you when you’re jobless or earning peanuts in the hopes that you’ll keep going after better opportunities and someday soon, the story will change for the better. She will even go to the extent of supporting you financially. However, her respect for you will dwindle if you have traded job-hunting and advancement in your career/purpose for sleeping all day and living of her money/stagnation. It’s verrrrryyy difficult for a woman to respect and stay with a lazy man, except if she’s a cougar, of course.


#2 – You’re Inconsiderate
One of the things women love is the ability to be considerate. To be considerate means
- to be careful not to inconvenience others;
- to be thoughtful;
- to think about the rights, needs, and feelings of others;
- to respect other people’s feelings, circumstances etc.
When you’re inconsiderate, you’re the opposite of all these. People who are inconsiderate are brash, tactless, and insensitive in their dealings, so they end up leaving a trail of offences. No matter how much she loves you, if you make being inconsiderate a lifestyle, you will no longer get the best from the woman in your life and by the law of seed time and harvest, you will eventually start reaping disrespect and harshness from your once caring woman.

#3 – You’re Fond of Passing on Your Responsibilities to her
The woman who loves you will be more than willing to assist you and fill in for you with regards to handling your responsibility when the need arises. However, if you make a habit of passing on your responsibilities to her because you’re simply stingy or your continued laziness has made you permanently incapable of handling them, you will have a resentful woman on your hands. Also, when you insist on sharing ALL financial responsibilities with the woman in your life 50-50, you’re gradually eroding her respect for you. Nothing makes you blossom in your woman’s eyes like when you handle your responsibilities like man that you are.

#4 – You Have No Drive to Improve
A woman, by divine design, is designed to beautify, enhance, and transform everything she comes in contact with, and that includes you. Just as she is able to transform a plain house into a magnificent home, raw food stuff into a delicious meal, and sperm cells into a baby, God has placed her in your life to influence, encourage and spur you into become the best you could ever be. If you allow her, she will push you to greater heights in life and destiny. However, nothing is as frustrating to a woman as a man who doesn’t want to improve or rise up the ladder of success. And unfortunately, it erodes her respect for you and that’s when you begin to hear things like “your mates are doing this and that but you refuse to improve”.

#5 – Your Lack of Self-Control
Hmmmmmm!!! Do I need to explain this one? Okay. I will. Most women acknowledge that it is not easy for men to stay faithful these days; however, they also know it is not impossible, especially with God’s grace. Cheating on her once, is a mistake. Cheating on her twice may still be considered as a mistake. But cheating on her thrice makes it a habit, an addiction or a character flaw. Even with a thousand apologies, bribery gifts or i-love-yous, the respect and trust escapes. All she sees you as is a randy he-goat who will probably give her an STD or HIV soon. It’s hard for women to respect a man without self-control, even though they may tolerate him or stay with him because of the kids or the money.


To the men
What you sow, you shall reap. If you keep sowing these actions, you will continually reap disrespect from the woman in your life via words, actions, or outbursts. Even if she is the most patient woman on the earth, she will get to a breaking point eventually and you will not like the outcome. Tie up these loose ends and you won’t be leading her into the temptation to disrespect you.


To the single women
If you’re dating a man whom you’re having difficulties respecting due to these factors, find a suitable time and talk to him about it. Pray for him too, because the ability to change comes from God. Then give him the allowance of time to change/improve. However, if you’ve done both and he still isn’t changing, and you can’t see yourself marrying him like that, you may consider ending the relationship.

To the woman married to a man who she can no longer respect
You’re in for the long haul so there is no going back. I know it’s currently hard to respect him now, considering all that has happened. But there is grace (ability) available in God to honour and respect that man you married, even though he’s not worthy. That same grace is able to transform him into the man you will be proud of. Take your frustration to God in prayer. Tell him how hard it is to respect your husband and ask him for grace to do what is right (respect your husband). Pray that God will help your husband overcome his weaknesses.

Evidence Grace is the founder and head-blogger at Sister 2 Sister Nigeria. She's passionate about seeing people get it right in life, destiny and marriage. A woman of many gifts, and talents, she is focused on fulfilling God's purpose for her life and becoming ALL God has fore-ordained her to be and spreading the gospel to the ends of the earth. Her marital status?Keep your fingers crossed.

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Got questions, observations or comments, email me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com 

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Getting the Best Out of Your Man

 A well is useless only if you don’t have what it takes to draw out the water.

My pipo! I greet una oooooooooo. Hope say this 2015 dey make sense for una well well. Api new month. Dis month, I pray say you go march on top everything wey bin dey march you befor in Jesus name. (Pidgin mode deactivated)

Today’s post is dedicated to those who have a man in their life, whether married or single. If you don’t have a man in your life, no kwalms; you can still learn a thing or two from it and store it up for future purposes. It’s one thing to have a man; it’s a totally different thing to know how to get the best from him by drawing out the well of virtue within him. If you don’t know how to do this, you will end up like one who has a high-tech smart phone that can do lots of things but only ends up making only phone calls with it simply because she doesn’t know how to use it. Here are a few tips that will enable you get the best from your man. If you’re a man and you’re reading this, the same thing applies if you want to get the best from your woman.

Let Go of all Pre-Conceived Notions about Men

We all have pre-conceived notions about the opposite sex which we have garnered over time from family and friends, relationships, personal and peoples experiences, and even movies. To get the best from your man, you have to let go of these notions and watch him to know the kind of man he is. This will enable you to see the areas where he conforms to your general knowledge about men and areas where he is unique without prejudice. Without this, your mind will be filled with stereotypes (usually negative) that will blind you from seeing him for who he is or pervert your understanding of him. This step is an important prerequisite to getting the best from him.

Know and Understand Him

The key word here is “observe”. This is not the time to tell him how you think he ought to act or to judge him; it’s time to observe/watch him closely to know him. This is not an overnight process; it takes time and requires different scenarios for you to observe him better. As you get to know him, you will then get to understand him too. Observe how he relates with God and the things of God, how he does his things, how he relates with people, how he expresses anger, how he handles disappointments, his core values, how he responds to authority etc. As you observe him, take a step further towards understanding him by asking him why he acts the way he does. This will teach you how to relate with him and if he is too much for you, it will also let you know if you need to end the relationship.

Adapt where Possible

After you’ve come to know and understand him via continuous observation, adapt your behavior to suit him where possible. Two cannot walk together except they be agreed (Amos 3:3). See areas where you can modify your conduct and habits to accommodate and suit him. For example, if he doesn’t like peppery food and you’re a pepper person, find a way around it. If he prefers you wearing more of gowns, see if you can accommodate this. Going the extra-mile by adapting is something he will definitely notice and appreciate you even more for. If you value the relationship, then this is a crucial step.

Learn to Overlook

Emphasis on the word “learn”. Overlooking someone’s faults and mistakes is a learned behaviour; it’s not a default behaviour so it doesn’t come naturally. It’s easier to make a fuss over every little matter than it is to overlook. Not everything is worth raising dust over. He will offend you many times over knowingly and unknowingly and so will you. Proverbs 19:11 says “It is to the glory of man to overlook an offence”; that tells you how valuable learning this skill is. For instance, most men will forget your birthday at least once in your lifetime not because they no longer value you but because they were caught up in something and were not conscious of the date. The natural impulse of a woman is to crucify him for it but this could be avoided if you just remind him. The most important thing is that deep down, he loves you. Learn to overlook such things.

Confront with Love

Confrontations are dicey to handle because if they’re not handled correctly, they could lead to quarrelling or even full blown fighting. But it is still possible to confront with love without getting things messy. Find the right moment when he’s calm and relaxed mentally, emotionally and physically to confront him. If you do it when he’s stressed out on any level, the internal stress may lead to him misinterpreting your statements and next you know, you have a fight on your hands. The tone and manner of expression you use also matters. Confrontation is not just about expressing yourself to him; it’s about getting him to understand you. Do a research on handling disagreements in relationships, anger management and speaking the truth in love to get better skills on how to confront with love.

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Influence

Influence is God’s gift to women; every woman has the power to influence her man and her world. Influence is a subtle form of leadership and it always gets the job gone better than giving orders (dictatorship). Men use more of dictatorship and it works for them but as a woman, if you try to use the same method on a man, it will bounce back on you. You will never get the best from your man if you give orders to him or use a harsh/condescending tone. When you do this, you switch yourself to mama mode and the last time he checked, you’re his lover/wife, not his mama. Influence via politeness (in voice tone and choice of words), sensitivity and wisdom. Do a research to understand more about influence and tap into this power.

Do your Job Always

 You are not in your man’s life as a trophy, monument, drainage system, or a demanding child who only knows how to take and take and take. You’re in his life to HELP him. Observe his life and use your intelligence to see where he needs and provide it. That’s why you’re in his life. The usefulness of a phone is that it does what it is wired to do. The moment the phone stops functioning, no matter how beautiful it is, it becomes useless and is ready to be discarded and replaced. You retain your usefulness in your man’s life when you keep functioning.

Leave the Rest to God

There are some aspects in that man that only God can handle. When you’ve done your best, commit the rest to God and ask for his intervention. Your prayers for your man truly do go a long way before God; they open the door for his intervention and guarantee victory eventually.

Go out there, use these tips and get the best out of that man. The best lies within him already; it’s only when you use a suitable tool to draw water from a well that you get the water you need.

Questions? Suggestions? Private comments? Facing a relationship dilemma and in need of counsel? I’m just an email away; email me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com

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It's this weekend and You're Invited

Where Are All The Good Men???

Dedicated to all those who wonder where all the good men are and whether they still exist.

As we go through life meeting diverse kinds of people (the good, the bad and the ugly), it affects us in many ways, especially with regards to our perspective about life and people. Not only that, the experiences we watch people around us go through also affect our perspective greatly that you begin to buy into stereotypes such as “all men are…..”, “love is…”, “marriage is…”, “all the good men around are taken” and many more. It’s true that you are entitled to your own opinion considering the wealth of experiences and proofs you may have to back up these stereotypes but the truth in life is: there are always exceptions to every rule.

In 1^st Kings 19:13-14, Elijah goes before God and complains that all the good men and prophets have been killed and he is the only one left. From his point of view he was right. But God answers him in 1^st Kings 19:18 by saying that he has about 7000 people left who haven’t worshipped baal. Imagine that…a whopping 7000 people. What’s my point? That view of yours that there are no longer any good men or women is as false as Elijah’s view that he was the last good man standing. It’s a viewpoint born out of the nasty things you’ve personally experienced or watched others experience and it’s quite an incorrect one. 

God still has thousands of good men and women reserved; it’s just that you haven’t met them…yet. Instead of holding onto the mindset that there are no longer any good men in existence (a lie which the enemy and situations around you so much wants you to believe), why not ask the Lord who knows where these men/women are hidden to send one into your life??? Ask him to order your steps to meet one and he’ll surely grant your request. But first of all, you must, let go of the stereotype in your mind that there are no good men anywhere for it is the veil that will prevent you from meeting one or discerning when one comes your way. The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord… Ps 37:23. Have a sweet weekend.

Are you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship matters and life in general?  E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.

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Excerpts of Word WYN Ladies Conference Pt 1

You are what you hear and what you read; garbage in-garbage out.

So I’m a huge fan of positive self-improvement and I love attending seminars and conferences; anything that makes me a better person and a better woman. On the 17^th of May 2014, Word WYN had ladies conference I was privileged to attend and speak in. I had promised to share excerpts from the day but hadn’t gotten around to it. I’m quite glad I get to post the excerpts today 

The conference had a morning and evening session. The excerpts I’m about to post come from the evening session and it was handled by the President of Word WYN (Word Warring Youth Newtwork, it's a youth ministry) himself, Pastor Jessy Danladi, whom we fondly call “Sir Jay”. He spoke on “the woman’s place in relationships and marriage”. Grab a pen and let’s dive into the juicy excerpts right away.  

Sir Jay Speaks…

A woman is a company, a helper, a home maker. These are the core roles of women in relationships and marriage. A lot of women dream about having a man they can’t handle. Before you consider getting married, ask yourself this question: “am I marriable?” Men and women have different viewpoints and react differently. Understanding these differences will help you understand the opposite sex and have a better relationship.

Men are logical and factual; they mostly respond to facts by reasoning them out logically. Women are emotional and intuitive; they respond spontaneously to situations. They analyse things based on their intuition and emotions per time.

Men and Women’s Needs

In relationship and marriage, men and women have different needs. If you don’t understand the needs of a man, you’re gonna have problems in your relationship/marriage. Every man has natural needs that you’re in his life as his wife to satisfy. 

	Men’s Needs	Women’s Needs
1	Sexual fulfillment (not sex but sexual fulfillment)	Affection
2	Admiration	Conversation
3	Need to feel always that their wives are attractive	Need total openness and honesty from her husband
4	Domestic security; being able to provide for his family. A man feels lesser when he can’t provide for his family.	Financial and emotional security; the knowing that they will be catered for financially and emotionally.
5	A submissive and respectful woman. Submission means empowering your husband to be the leader. It also means bringing your mission under his mission.	A loving, caring and thoughtful husband.

Important: Do not marry a man that disrespects you and does not value you. Do not seduce or manipulate a man into marrying you.

Communication Skills are Crucial

Communication is the key to a successful relationship and marriage. You have to learn basic communication skills. If marriage was to be a human being, then communication would be the blood. If marriage was to be a car, then communication would be the fuel. 

Communication has two parts: listening and speaking. Two people talking at the same time is confusion. Two people listening at the same time is silence. One person has to speak per time while the other listens. The essence of communication is to ensure that there is understanding. Until the other person has understood clearly what you just said, communication is not achieved.

Communication skills may be good, average or poor. If your parents have a history of bad communication skills, it is most likely that by association, you may have absorbed these. If that’s the case then you have to unlearn these and learn good communication skills.

Wrong Reasons to Get Married

Peer Pressure- Getting married because your “mates” are getting married.

Parental Pressure-Getting married because one’s parents and family members are saying you ought to be married.

Panic- Panic because it just dawned on you that you getting older and still not married.

Physical Involvement-Getting married because you have been physically/sexually involved with the person.

Last Bus Stop-Last bus stop refers to when you’re at your wits end with looking for a husband and feel like the man you just found is your final opportunity to get married.

Some other ministers at the event...

Hope you’ve learnt a lot from these excerpts. You can follow Word WYN on twitter @wordwyn1 and join their facebook group on WORD WYN

P:S-Hearing or reading alone is not enough, you gotta apply what you’ve learnt to your life. Take action. Xoxo

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