5 UNWISE MOVES GUYS MAKE

Hello precious gem,
It's been awhile since I wrote anything on this blog. Reasons? Nothing in particular. I've just been on a "sabbatical leave" of some sort. Anyway, it's good to be back. In the short while I've been off, a lot of things happened but the most important thing is that ALL THINGS are working together for our good by the invisible hand of God.

So today, I'll be sharing a few not so wise moves guys make that are like shooting oneself in the leg. What are they? You're about to find out. Whether you're a lady or a guy, this post will do you a lot of good.
Here we go:

#1. Not declaring your intentions
Hanging around a lady without declaring your true intentions or defining the relationship is a recipe for ending up in "friend zone". This is okay if that's where you want to end up but if you intend to take the relationship beyond friendship level, you have to let her know. Acting caring and being there for her does not spell out your intentions. Most likely, she has other people doing the same thing! Define that relationship now! Tell her your intentions!! That doesn't guarantee that the answer will be yes, but at least, you'll know you gave it a try and it will make her know you're a man who knows what he wants. Shy guys, take note.

#2 - Not supporting her dreams 
Iron sharpens iron. A good relationship should sharpen both parties and make them better. Unfortunately, a good number of guys think that the Woman was created to dance to their whims and caprice; forgetting that she's also a human being with a purpose and dreams too. Not supporting / squashing your woman's dreams makes you an enemy of progress. If she finds someone who loves her and supports her dreams, she'll most likely start tilting to him, no matter the years you've spent together. Even if she stays with you, someday she'll get fed up with everything and that's when midlife crisis sets in (for more on midlife crisis, Google it).

#3 - Not empowering your wife financially 
It is a fact that men have their down moments. Every man goes through a time when their current financial affluence goes back to square zero. You can't escape it. But if you empower your wife financially, when that happens, it will cushion the blow because of the financial support that will come from her. Forget that rubbish about women becoming pompous when they make money. That was what kept your father from rising when he fell financially. The left hand is there to help the right hand for a reason.

#4 - Being in a relationship with too many girls at the same time
There's a proverb my mum was very fond of using - too many heaps  confuses the chicken. When you are in a relationship with more than one girl, you're bound to enter into confusion when you want to choose a life partner. This is because, every one is good in their own way but it's not everyone who is suitable as a helpmeet for you as a person and it's not everyone's weakness that you can manage. It's even worse when you're having sex with them because you'll be creating too many soul ties that will cloud your judgement eventually. Moreover, you're training yourself to become unfaithful maritally because having gotten used to having more than one woman in your life when single, you'll find it difficult to do otherwise even though you're married.

#5 - Fueling your woman's insecurities 
You have the power to feed the Woman in your life so she can become better or fuel her insecurities. Telling the Woman in your life that you like a tall woman when she's short, a hairy woman when she's hairless, a fair woman when she's dark is you fueling her insecurities. You're unknowingly insinuating that you prefer someone else and you are only managing her. The next time she sees you laughing with a tall, hairy or fair lady, she'll start feeling insecure. She may even start accusing you of liking the lady or cheating on her and by then, you'll be wondering why she's acting all hysterical. If she's not good enough for you, leave her alone for someone who will cherish her.

One Love
To my beloved brothers, I write not as an accuser or a judge but as a sister who's sharing with you helpful tips that will make you a better man. So if you find yourself caught up in this move, receive grace from God to become better.
To my sisters, this is not a license to witch-hunt a brother. Just share this post with the brothers in your life to bless them.Xoxo

P:S Do you have any private issues you want to raise or discuss on life, relationships, work etc.? Would you like to advertise with us? I'm just an email away! Email me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com

Evidence Grace is the founder and head-blogger at Sister 2 Sister Nigeria. She's passionate about seeing people get it right in life, destiny and marriage. A woman of many gifts, and talents, she is focused on fulfilling God's purpose for her life, becoming ALL God has fore-ordained her to be and spreading the gospel to the ends of the earth. Her marital status? Keep your fingers crossed.

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For the Guys: 20 Things You Should Know About Her

Hello there, how’s the month going? Like a dream, the month is slowly drawing to an end and so is the year. This post is dedicated to the guys and to everyone in a relationship. In short and concise terms, it gives direct insight that will help you understand the lady in your life and how to handle her. Happy reading!

1. Just like the mirror, what you give her is what you get in return. Show her love, she’ll reciprocate; play her, you get played.
2. She might seem hard, aggressive and difficult outwardly, but she needs love, support, encouragement and kindness to tame her.
3. Every good woman longs for a responsible man who will make her feel secure and allay her fears.
4. Give her security and she will pick up a gun to defend you.
5. Every girl deserves a guy who takes her out on a date, and does not touch her anywhere but her heart.
6. Don struggle; when she sees a future with you, she won't care about your past; so, stay you.
7. The best way to bring out her beauty is to give her genuine love and it’ll pop out like fine wine.
8. It's normal for couples to have disagreements but how you handle them shows her how mature you are when misunderstanding arise.

9. Once you make her lose your trust in a relationship, there are ways to get it back.  It just requires patience, time and a true desire to get it back
10. The easiest way to crush trust in your relationship is to compare her with your ex. She is her, and your ex is your ex.
11. Policing a woman is a waste of time; whatever she wants to do, she will do - with or without you.
12. She won't cheat on you not because she is SCARED of you, but because she RESPECTS you and desires to honour your relationship
13. Every woman is a queen. Assume your role as a king and you will be shocked where your queen will emerge from.
14. You have to go through the worst to get the best. Don't expect her to change overnight, wounds don't get healed instantaneously.
15. If you don't see yourself fulfilling purpose with her, she is somebody else's woman.
16. Every shoe comes in pairs. Discover your right co-pair and you’ll sleep on the "softest" pillow ever.
17. Before you met her, she had dreams and aspirations like "sister to sister"; don't kill it selfishly because you are the driver of the relationship. Instead, provide a premise to help her grow her aspirations.
18. Every mature woman needs you to be RESPONSIBLE and not just WEALTHY.
19. Your dress sense can raise a woman’s ego higher than her shoulders.
20. Apply these nuggets and tendencies are she'll love you far better than you ever imagined.


Written by

Tehila Godwin Olofu

Tehila Godwin Olofu is a Nigerian music producer with 360 studios Keffi with a new found passion for writing. He’s been dropping a lot of relationship and life nuggets lately and he will be sharing a few of them right here on the blog. He also has music tracks of his own, majoring mostly in gospel music of the reggae and dance hall genre. Jovial, funny, down to earth and skillful are a few words that best describe him. Plus, he's still single (yea, I just couldn't leave that out *wink*). Keep a date with him for more tips and nuggets on this blog as he will be dropping by more often.

Is It The Guys I Pick or Is It Me? (pt 2)

Frequent soul-searching shows you things you wouldn’t have seen ordinarily.

In the previous edition of this post: Is it me or is it the guys I pick? (pt 1), we talked about five factors that may be contributing to the vicious cycle of failed relationships/dating all the wrong men still running its course in your life. Today, we take another set of factors that may be responsible for you experiencing a series of dead beat relationships. To read the previous edition of this post, click here.

Hosea 4:6 says “my people perish (or they’re destroyed) for lack of knowledge…” You can’t do better than what you know and as long as you don’t know what you may be doing wrong, you may continue suffering failed relationships and keep blaming it on the guys you’ve dated when the fault is yours. In the same way that it takes two to tango/tangle, it takes two people to make a relationship work or go bad so you can’t keep blaming it on “they weren’t the right men for me”. If you’ve been privileged not to be involved with a lot of “frog princes”, you still need this knowledge as well, to prevent you from falling into this vicious cycle. Be open-minded as you read, and do some soul-searching to see which of these factors apply to you.

Your mindset about relationships

Beautiful things are a product of effort; even beautiful relationships. It takes a farmer’s weeding, planting, watering, application of fertilizer and pesticides, plus the process of time to have a harvest. Even a good meal requires preparation, heat and time, combined with the right cooking technique, to become a reality. In the same way, every relationship requires effort for it to work. Most times, we erroneously believe that because we love each other, it’s gonna work out or because you’ve found “the right man”, everything is gonna be perfect. Na! Instead of looking for the right one, why not focus on being the right one? No one wants to stay in an abusive, sadistic and toxic relationship where there’s too much fighting, disrespect, unfaithfulness, nasty and destructive behaviour. Do an autopsy on your past failed relationships again and this time, check to see where you didn’t get it right so you can learn from them.  

You don’t have a checklist/standards

Every woman about to enter into a relationship has a desire of the kind of person she wants per time. These desires ought to form your checklist for determining whether or not to get into a relationship with someone. Your checklist should contain your desires; things you consider deal breakers, your standards etc. A good checklist will reduce your chances of getting involved with people that aren’t suitable. However, if you don’t have a checklist or you have an unsuitable checklist, you’ll end up dating too many “frog princes” and face the pain and disappointment that follows. For instance, if all you’ve got on your dating checklist are things like: tall, dark and handsome with a six pack; hot dresser, rich and generous, a good kisser/good in bed, caring etc without lasting criteria such as: not violent, not a flirt, truthful/honest, loves children, focused, destiny-driven, submitted onto God etc, you’re setting yourself for a series of heartache. Long story short: know what you want, prayerfully make it into a checklist and USE YOUR CHECKLIST; don’t be carried away by the superficial things like “he bought me…”, “he’s cute” etc.

You don’t understand who you are

A popular cliché goes thus: “when the use of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable”. When you don’t understand your worth and value as a person, you sell yourself short by getting involved with “low-lifes” and people that do not value you. Matt 7:6 says “Do not give what is holy (precious to God) to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet and turn around and tear you in pieces”. Hellur (in Madea accent)! In case you do not know it, you’re holy (precious to God) and more valuable than pearls. Stop giving yourself to “pigs and dogs” who will only trample you under feet (devalue you) and turn round to tear you in pieces (hurt you) with their destructive behaviour. Don’t be eager to give your heart and self out too soon. Despite what you may think, there are good men out there; you just have to watch out for their fruits to know it.

A poor sense of judgement

If you’ve been serially deceived into destructive and dead beat relationships, it may be due to a poor sense of judgement of the displays, motives and characters of the opposite sex which is acquired via experience (both yours and that of other people), knowledge (from books, audio/video files etc) and wisdom.  If this is your story, not to worry; James 1:5 says “if any of you lack wisdom, ask of God that gives to all men liberally without reproach, and it will be given him”. Proverbs 4:7 says “wisdom is the principal (main) thing; therefore get wisdom and with all thy getting, get understanding”. Instead of running around looking for who to get involved with, why not focus on getting wisdom and understanding for your life and for relationships first? It would save you a lot of pain. Get on your knees and ask God for all round wisdom that will keep you from unproductive relationships; he’s more than willing to grant your request. 

Destructive behaviours

There are a wide range of destructive behaviours which, if you exhibit, may trigger the vicious cycle of botched relationships in your life. These behaviours are relative and may include unfaithfulness, disrespect, verbally insultive tendencies, violent tendencies, vices such as smoking, alcohol and other addictions, lack of a future ambition, nastiness to your family members and people in general (yeah, that’s right), shopaholic tendencies (ahn!) etc. Before you blame it on those who left you and justify yourself by saying they never deserved you, search your life for destructive and repulsive behaviours. You can’t blame them for leaving when all you’ve been doing is dishing out repulsive behaviours.

To be continued…

The third part of this series continues when? Well you just have to stay hooked to this blog to find out. Have a fulfilled and testimony filled last quarter of the year. xoxo

P.S- Shout out to all the good men who treat their women right; watching you do your gives us hope and makes life beautiful. If you’re reading this from a mobile device, click view web version to see the wonderful features of the blog that are exclusive to the desk-top version.

Are you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship matters and life in general?  E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.

Follow us on twitter here and like our facebook page here.

Is It The Guys I Pick or Is It Me? (pt 1)

Instead of playing the blame game, check to see if you’re responsible for it too…selah

In one of the popular fairy tales (I can’t remember the name, I think it’s the frog prince), a princess kisses a frog and he turns into a sweet handsome prince. Wow! As much as we wish that would happen in real life, most times kissing a frog, so to speak, does not turn him into a prince. Today’s post is dedicated to those who’ve not been so “lucky” in relationships; those who’ve been in a lot of relationships that came to an abrupt end. If this is your story, you’ll agree with me that you get to that point where you begin to wonder: Is it me or is it the guys I pick??? It’s quite easy to blame it on the guys you’ve dated so far by saying “they were not the right one for me that’s why”. But before you give yourself these excuses once again, let’s look at things closely to be sure you don’t have a hand in creating this vicious cycle.

Check out some factors that may be contributing to the vicious cycle of dating all the wrong men still running its course in your life.

Your Love For The “Six Pack”

Yes ke, who doesn’t love the guy with the six-pack (by six-pack here I mean a guy who has a good build and also looks good)? I mean, why shouldn’t we have a crush on him or even love him? The truth sis is: if having a six-pack is your prerequisite for picking a man, then you’ll be hanging out with a lot of six-packed frog princes so to speak. His six-pack doesn’t guarantee that he will treat you right in that relationship. It does guarantee one thing though: you’ll look good in photos and get an award as “the girl friend of the six-packed hunk”. Redo your checklist for picking a prospective partner to include lasting characters that make for a good relationship and you’ll no longer be stuck with kissing six-packed frog princes.

The Places You Go To (Your Social Circle)

Your social circle kind of restricts those you’ll meet. There are certain places you go to that make you prone to meeting guys who are only after having fun, players, low-lifes and the likes (I’ll leave you to figure out such places for yourself). If you keep going to a bad well to fetch water, don’t complain when all you keep getting is dirty water. Sweety, if you’re tired of meeting these unserious and unpleasant people, change the places you go to; change your social cycle.

You Give Your Heart Too Soon

Sometimes, when we feel we’ve found “the man of our dreams”, it fills us with so much joy that we give our heart, love and even our bodies too soon only to discover that he’s not that into us. What started as a prospective wonderful relationship then becomes a nightmare due to unrequited love, cold shoulders from the guy etc. Girl friend, don’t be in a haste to bring out all your wifey skills and switch to wifey mode when a relationship is just starting out. Even though you guys are now dating, it’s not a done deal cuz he’s still observing and rating you to see if he wants to stick with you. So, if he discovers you’re not really what he wants, he may leave you high and dry, despite all the love you’ve been showing him. This could be the reason you’ve been ditched serially all this while.

You’re in Love With “Bad Guys”

Okay, before you accuse me, “bad guys” here means all those fly guys with a lot of swag who know how to put it on you and make you feel great as a lady but also come with a baggage of VICES. The best metaphor to describe them would be buying poison in a cute bottle or can and drinking it only to start feeling the sting afterwards. Ideally, one would think any sane and intelligent lady won’t fall into the trap of these “bad guys” but in reality, MANY cute intelligent ladies get involved with these guys. If you find that you’ve dated more bad guys than you can count, it may be because you’re in ‘love’ with such guys and how they make you feel. To tell the truth, these guys know how to make a lady feel good but when they start dishing out their other side, all we wanna do is RUN! For more on this, click here.

A History of Abuse

When you’ve suffered some form of abuse in your past, especially while growing up either directly or indirectly, you may come to a point where you’re comfortable with enduring nasty treatment in relationships. A history of abuse increases your tolerance (threshold) for nasty treatment in certain aspects and may even create mascochism in your life. If this is your case, you may have found yourself making this kind of excuses:

• He’s the only one who loves me in the world and I don’t wanna lose him

• He’s nasty/abusive to me or beats me I caused it and because he loves me.

• I’ve suffered worse things and they didn’t kill me so I’ll endure it.

And now you’re wondering why all the guys you’ve dated so far have been nasty to you and you’re probably even settling for the idea that love and life is all about pain.

Is That All?

No dear, there’s more to come. Watch out for the rest of the factors (five more actually) that have kept you in the vicious cycle of dating frog princes tomorrow. Keep a date with us for the sequel to this juicy post. xoxo

P.S- Shout out to all the good men who treat their women right; watching you do your gives us hope and makes life beautiful. If you’re reading this from a mobile device, click view web version to see the wonderful features of the blog that are exclusive to the desk-top version.

Are you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship matters and life in general?  E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.

Follow us on twitter here and like our facebook page here.