A well is useless only if you don’t have
what it takes to draw out the water.
My pipo! I greet una oooooooooo. Hope say
this 2015 dey make sense for una well well. Api new month. Dis month, I pray
say you go march on top everything wey bin dey march you befor in Jesus name.
(Pidgin mode deactivated)
Today’s post is dedicated to those who
have a man in their life, whether married or single. If you don’t have a man in
your life, no kwalms; you can still learn a thing or two from it and store it
up for future purposes. It’s one thing to have a man; it’s a totally different
thing to know how to get the best from him by drawing out the well of virtue
within him. If you don’t know how to do this, you will end up like one who has
a high-tech smart phone that can do lots of things but only ends up making only
phone calls with it simply because she doesn’t know how to use it. Here are a
few tips that will enable you get the best from your man. If you’re a man and
you’re reading this, the same thing applies if you want to get the best from
your woman.
Let Go of all
Pre-Conceived Notions about Men
We all have pre-conceived notions about
the opposite sex which we have garnered over time from family and friends,
relationships, personal and peoples experiences, and even movies. To get the best
from your man, you have to let go of these notions and watch him to know the
kind of man he is. This will enable you to see the areas where he conforms to
your general knowledge about men and areas where he is unique without
prejudice. Without this, your mind will be filled with stereotypes (usually
negative) that will blind you from seeing him for who he is or pervert your
understanding of him. This step is an important prerequisite to getting the
best from him.
Know and Understand
Him
The key word here is “observe”. This is not the time to tell him how you think he ought
to act or to judge him; it’s time to observe/watch him closely to know him.
This is not an overnight process; it takes time and requires different
scenarios for you to observe him better. As you get to know him, you will then
get to understand him too. Observe how he relates with God and the things of
God, how he does his things, how he relates with people, how he expresses
anger, how he handles disappointments, his core values, how he responds to
authority etc. As you observe him, take a step further towards understanding
him by asking him why he acts the way he does. This will teach you how to
relate with him and if he is too much for you, it will also let you know if you
need to end the relationship.
Adapt where Possible
After you’ve come to know and understand
him via continuous observation, adapt your behavior to suit him where possible.
Two cannot walk together except they be agreed (Amos 3:3). See areas where you
can modify your conduct and habits to accommodate and suit him. For example, if
he doesn’t like peppery food and you’re a pepper person, find a way around it.
If he prefers you wearing more of gowns, see if you can accommodate this. Going
the extra-mile by adapting is something he will definitely notice and
appreciate you even more for. If you value the relationship, then this is a
crucial step.
Learn to Overlook
Emphasis on the word “learn”. Overlooking someone’s faults and mistakes is a learned behaviour; it’s not a default
behaviour so it doesn’t come naturally. It’s easier to make a fuss over every
little matter than it is to overlook. Not everything is worth raising dust
over. He will offend you many times over knowingly and unknowingly and so will
you. Proverbs 19:11 says “It is to the
glory of man to overlook an offence”; that tells you how valuable learning
this skill is. For instance, most men will forget your birthday at least once
in your lifetime not because they no longer value you but because they were
caught up in something and were not conscious of the date. The natural impulse
of a woman is to crucify him for it but this could be avoided if you just
remind him. The most important thing is that deep down, he loves you. Learn to
overlook such things.
Confront with Love
Confrontations are dicey to handle because
if they’re not handled correctly, they could lead to quarrelling or even full
blown fighting. But it is still possible to confront with love without getting
things messy. Find the right moment when he’s calm and relaxed mentally,
emotionally and physically to confront him. If you do it when he’s stressed out
on any level, the internal stress may lead to him misinterpreting your
statements and next you know, you have a fight on your hands. The tone and
manner of expression you use also matters. Confrontation is not just about
expressing yourself to him; it’s about getting him to understand you. Do a
research on handling disagreements in relationships, anger management and
speaking the truth in love to get better skills on how to confront with love.
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Influence
Influence is God’s gift to women; every
woman has the power to influence her man and her world. Influence is a subtle
form of leadership and it always gets the job gone better than giving orders
(dictatorship). Men use more of dictatorship and it works for them but as a
woman, if you try to use the same method on a man, it will bounce back on you. You
will never get the best from your man if you give orders to him or use a harsh/condescending
tone. When you do this, you switch yourself to mama mode and the last time he
checked, you’re his lover/wife, not his mama. Influence via politeness (in voice
tone and choice of words), sensitivity and wisdom. Do a research to understand
more about influence and tap into this power.
Do your Job Always
You are not in your man’s life as a
trophy, monument, drainage system, or a demanding child who only knows how to
take and take and take. You’re in his life to HELP him. Observe his life and
use your intelligence to see where he needs and provide it. That’s why you’re
in his life. The usefulness of a phone is that it does what it is wired to do.
The moment the phone stops functioning, no matter how beautiful it is, it
becomes useless and is ready to be discarded and replaced. You retain your
usefulness in your man’s life when you keep functioning.
Leave the Rest to God
There are some aspects in that man that only
God can handle. When you’ve done your best, commit the rest to God and ask for
his intervention. Your prayers for your man truly do go a long way before God;
they open the door for his intervention and guarantee victory eventually.
Go out there, use these tips and get the
best out of that man. The best lies within him already; it’s only when you use
a suitable tool to draw water from a well that you get the water you need.
Questions?
Suggestions? Private comments? Facing a relationship dilemma and in need of
counsel? I’m just an email away; email me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com
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