4 Things You Shouldn’t Be Looking at and Why

You can’t to look anywhere but forward if you must win the race of life. Selah.

Happy weekend to you. I do hope the weekend is treating you real good. A thought entered my head recently that blew my mind and made me scream out and this was what I thought about: the difference between the angle of elevation and the angle of depression is not what is happening around you but what direction you choose to look at. There are things that elevate your spirit when you look at them and there are things that depress you when you look at them. What does this mean? What you look at with your physical eyes, but most especially with your mind’s eye is very important. Today, I’ll like to focus on what you look at with your mind’s eye. So, here are four things you should not be looking at with your mind’s eye and why.

#1- The Past

The past represents everything good, bad and ugly that happened to you or people around you all through time before now. Yesterday is not and will never be today. When all you look at in your mind’s eyes is the unpleasant past it kills your hope for a brighter day, spoils the joy you would have experienced today, and makes you reactive, instead of proactive. Even if the past was very beautiful and blissful, looking at it constantly and wishing you could go back to yesterday is not a proactive thought. As much as we try, we can’t rewind or bring back yesteryears. Looking at how great we looked formally or the wonderful achievements of the past is supposed to be applied to people who are dead and gone while making a tribute to them. You have a future ahead of you and your present life to deal with; look forward.

#2 – Your Mistakes

 No one deliberately sets out to make mistakes. And even though we sometimes wish we never made the mistakes we made, mistakes are a useful part of the school called life. If you ever have to look at your mistakes, glance at it briefly (glance, not look) to take corrections from it and dump it where it should be-buried with the past. You know why? Focusing on the mistakes you made kills your boldness and will to try again. Take a cue from babies learning to walk: even though they fell yesterday, it doesn’t stop them from trying to walk or run again today.

#3- The Chaos Around You

These days we hear a lot of terrible and incredible stories of what people do and what happens to people around us and you will agree with me that these stories sometimes leaves us with goose bumps. In fact, turn up any news channel and the ratio of bad news to good news is quite high. Even with regards to marriage, the gory tales of happenings in marriages as well as the alarming divorce rate is quite depressing. Now I’m not saying turn a deaf ear or stop watching the news but such things are not things you should internalize and stare at continually in your mind. They will only depress you and drain the batteries of your zest for life plus turn you into a cynic, a pessimist and a faithless person.

#4 – The Mountains Before You

By “mountains” I mean challenges; those “what ifs” and difficulties that confront you on the way to achieving your dreams, visions and aspirations. If you’re a goal getter and a vision-chaser like me, then you understand what I mean when I say mountains. Take note of them yes, but not as obstacles or problems; take note of them as challenges that you will surely overcome. The mountains before you are not supposed to form the focus in your mind’s eye; finding the solution to them is supposed to form your focus.

Why Shouldn’t I Look at these Four Things???

It’s simple: these four things are all angles of depression that if you continually stare at them will land you into depression puncture your faith and prevent you from winning in life. Before the aeroplane was made, men never believed it was possible. Before Mount Everest was first climbed by Edmund Hillary from New Zealand and Tenzing Norgay from Nepal, people believed it was impossible.  No one wins a race by running and looking backwards or looking down below; they win it by looking forward, keeping their eyes on the finish line and running. Another direction you need to look at is “upwards”. It is the angle of elevation that will eventually elevate you. Psalm 121:1-2 says “I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth.” 

Miracles still happen, we all need help. What you look at in your mind’s eye affects you and your life seriously. Do a soul-check today and reposition your mind’s eyes. Xoxo. Have a sweet week ahead.

P:S Are you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship matters and life in general?  E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.

Follow us on twitter @sister2sisterni and like our facebook page here.

4 People in Your Man’s Life You Need on Your Side

Love alone is not enough; you need wisdom to sustain and maintain every relationship.

TGIF!!! It’s another Friday and even though I may not be going to some fun place this weekend, just knowing that the weekend is here always creates this feel-good feeling. Aha! I know you’re soooo in love with him and you feel like nothing can come between both of you because of the love you feel. You feel like your love can surmount any obstacles that could ever come your way. All you need is him and all he needs is you…  But in reality, there are four people in your man’s life who you need to get on your side if your relationship or marriage must go smoothly without unnecessary strain here and there. And these people are:

His Mum

Should I shout this or scream this for you to understand? His mum is the number one female in his life and what she says weighs tonnes in the ears of your man. She gave birth to him and nurtured him till this point. She is one strong ally you need for your relationship to last. Why? When she’s on your side, she’ll see to it that he doesn’t bring any other woman home and she’ll rally round the other family members to support you. She’ll encourage him to treat you right and even marry you, emphasizing how much of an angel you are. And when you quarrel, she’ll encourage and prod him to reconcile with you. Also, she knows things about him that you may not presently know and she could give you more tips on how to handle him.

His Favorite Female Sibling(s)

After his mum, another strong ally you need on your side is his favorite female sibling e.g his sister or cousin. I’m talking about that sibling he loves so much whose words, opinion and counsel he values. Why? He’s most definitely going to ask them what they think or feel about you and if they’re on your side, they help reinforce his feelings for you by letting him know how blessed he is to have you. If they’re not on your side, all they’ll point out when he asks them what they think of you are your flaws and all the reasons why you’re not good enough for him.

His Best Buddy

I’m sure he has a lot of buddies as you’ve come to know, but if you know him well enough, you’ll know that there’s one out of them who he considers to be his best buddie. I’m talking about that one friend whose counsel and opinion he values and to whom he runs when he’s got a few issues and needs help. You need to have a cordial relationship with this buddy of his. Why? When he’s on your side, you’re no longer just his friend’s girl/wife but “our girl/wife” so when they’re out, he’ll defend your cause before eager, seductive, man-hunting females and gladly let them know he’s taken or married.

His Pastor or Mentor

His pastor or mentor plays a huge role in his life too especially with regards to his future pursuit. Your man most likely values his pastor/mentor’s counsel and though this does not determine his love for you, it will affect any future steps he may intend to make with you (especially with regards to marriage).

The Ball is Now in Your Court

Yes dear, the ball is now in your court. Proverbs 13:15 says “Good understanding wins favour…” Nothing just happens; favour doesn’t just come, how you behave towards these people also affects if they will treat you with favour or not. You need to consciously and prayerfully seek their favour if your relationship with him must last and experience minimal troubles. “Who cares? I don’t need them anyways. We love each other and that’s all that matters”, goes the thought in your heart. Girl, that’s a very naïve thinking and that can only be possible if he doesn’t have this four classes of people in his life or if he has no regard for them. These people are the key players in your man’s life and just like pulling off any deal requires the support of key players, you require them to be on your side. Ask any mature married female and she’ll give you a better picture of what I mean. The good news is, with God on your side, prayers and wisdom plus good behavior, it’s a win-win for you all the way. You know why you need God? Because “When a man’s ways please the Lord, he causes even his enemies (those who dislike him) to be at peace with him” (proverbs 16:7). Addios bebes!

P:S: If you’re a guy reading this, the people in your girl’s life you need on your side are her parents, her siblings, the people whose opinion and counsel she values, and most especially, her pastor/mentor. Have a fulfilling weekend.

Are you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship matters and life in general?  E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.

Follow us on twitter @sister2sisterni and like our facebook page here.

10 Signs You’ve Caught the Bitterness Virus

Life is too short to spend it angry and bitter against those who hurt you. Let Go!!!

So my birthday has come and gone (it was on Tuesday 17^th June) and I’m still feeling fresh and new basking in the euphoria of that special day. Special thanks to all those who sent texts, facebook messages, called and gave gifts; and special thanks to my Word WYN pips who came to hang out with me later that day.

“Bitterness” here means anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly. It refers to that point you get to in life when all you think about is who hurt you and what they did over and over again to the point it generates feelings of anger, thoughts of revenge and the wish that something similar or something worse would happen to them. Bitterness is a verrrry crippling emotion that, if allowed to go on unchecked, could lead to the following:

1. Seeking revenge by any means. 
2.  Distaste and HATRED for people of similar gender, tribe, race or age to the one(s) who hurt you.
3. A negative change in your behavior which makes you violent, rude, nasty etc. 
4.  Depression and psychological disorders. 
5.  Loss of zeal and passion for life leading to suicidal thoughts and even suicide itself.

Bitterness is a pit that you don’t want to fall into. Why? Because it twists your life’s focus and gets you to focus on things that will only bring out the worst in you. Unfortunately, for as long as we live, nasty things will always occur that may tempt us to become bitter. And even though we wish we could prevent ourselves from getting hurt, we can’t prevent it all the time. Here are 10 signs that will help you know you’re plagued by the bitterness virus and you need to get help.

Signs that Bitterness has Taken Hold of You

1. You’ve become a shadow of yourself since ____________ happened to you. You’re no longer the joyful, jovial person you once were.
2.  Almost everything around you reminds you about that one incident you’re trying so hard to forget and when things happens you cry and feel rage all over again.
3. Each time you remember what hurt you, you feel the same anger, hurt and disappointment you felt the day it happened, as if it was occurring all over again.
4. You’re looking for a way to revenge and get even with the one(s) who hurt you. 
5.  You now see men/women as dogs, liars, devils etc or you now hate all people of a certain tribe or gender with a passion. 
6.  You no longer feel like living anymore because life has lost its taste.
7. You no longer want to get married or get into a relationship.
8. You punish all other men or women for the sins of the one who hurt you. 
9.  You’ve become hypersensitive; a little action triggers a tornado reaction from you. People have to watch their tongue around you and practically walk on egg shells.
10. You always talk about the fact that you were hurt to anyone who cares to listen, even though it’s been years since it happened.

 Are You Infected by Bitterness?

If you check yourself and you’ve discovered that you’re plagued by bitterness, I’ll like you to know that you need to get help. Bitterness creates an ulcer or wound in your soul and psyche that, if left unchecked, could eat you up gradually and cause you to self-destruct with time. Bitterness is a product not only of being hurt but of not forgiving and letting go of what happened. Yes, you’re right to feel hurt and angry about what happened. Yes those things shouldn’t have happened to you in the first place. But they did anyway and you have to learn to live with them. In the process of learning to walk, kids fall many times and even get wounded some times. But they also learn to rise up from the ground and walk again instead of staying angry and blaming the stone/ground for hurting them.  The #1 antidote to bitterness is forgiveness. Will it be easy? Of course not. Forgiveness is a process that begins the healing of your soul and eventually enables you to get to the point it doesn’t hurt anymore. Will you get to that point? Only if you take the first step - forgiveness. 

It’s a Serious Matter

Bitterness is a slow poison that will poison every aspect of your life if you don’t deal with it. We have to nip it in the bud immediately. Keep a date with me tomorrow as we talk about bitterness, its effects and how to forgive and overcome it. For more on bitterness, click here and here to read similar posts on bitterness.

P:S-Kindly share this post with everyone you think is plagued with bitterness. It will do them a lot of good plus you’ll be saving a life.

Are you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship matters and life in general?  E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.

Follow us on twitter @sister2sisterni and like our facebook page here.

By Their Fruits, You Shall Know Them

Actions speak louder than words; you’ll perceive in actions what you couldn’t perceive in words.

In case you haven’t yet noticed, humans are actors by nature (and I mean all human beings including yours truly). We may feel something but act in a totally different manner. We say things we don’t really mean for reasons know to us and even make empty exaggerated promises. Wouldn’t it be a lot easier if we all acted the way we truly felt and said what we truly meant? Sorry to burst your bubble…it wouldn’t be any easier or why do you think people do things just to “fulfill all righteousness” or to “let peace reign”?

Some folks call ladies “gullible” because they say we believe what we hear blindly, especially in matters of relationship. As derogatory as that sounds, I guess what they mean is that we sometimes believe what we hear and see without reading between the lines (watching out for unspoken gestures and reflex actions). Anyone can say anything, make promises or even swear to you by God. Anyone can fake words and even actions sometimes but you’ll never go wrong watching their spontaneous, unplanned, reflex actions and non-verbal communicative gestures.

What Do I Mean By Fruits?

The title of this blogpost is actually the bible (actually Matthew 7:16). “Fruits” in this context mean unplanned words, actions and reactions and even gestures. If you understand how fruits grow on trees, fruits don’t show up immediately, they show up after a period of time. The fruits of a tree tell us two things:

• The identity of the tree

• How fruitful the tree is

What does this mean? If you’re not going to end up “gullible”, “deceived” and “hood winked”, then you need to watch of for the fruits of the people you interact with. This in turn will help you know:

• Who they really are and not who they say they are.

• How they respond and act in different situations.

• If they keep their words and promises can be trusted, and you can view them as men or women of their words.

You Need the Gift of Time

Time is such a gift; time proves all things. If only you would give it more time to be sure who they are and if they can be trusted, then you’ll be saving yourself a lot of trouble and heartache. What am I saying? I’m not saying you shouldn’t give people the benefit of the doubt, by all means do. But while you listen to what they say, allow the gift of time reveal things about them that are carefully hidden. 

Everyone puts their best foot forward in the early stages, but time reveals the other not so good foot. Don’t be in haste; and just like a rotten fish that has no hiding place, you’ll get to discover the true colour with time. To be in a haste to give all your trust without checking the trustworthiness of who you’re dealing with is to be in a haste to be deceived, hurt, and heartbroken. Matt 10:16 says…”be wise as serpents and gentle as doves…”  Hello!!! You gotta watch out for the fruits always in everything you do; before you make decisions, before you call that person “friend”, before you call him “my man”.

You Need to Use Your Intuition

Ladies are naturally gifted with an accurate intuition. The problem is, we hardly listen to it. Have you ever felt somehow about something or someone and dismissed your feelings as unreal only to discover after all that you were right from the beginning? You actually disregarded your intuition. Pay attention to how your intuition works over time and learn to trust it. It may be a feeling, a knowing or a feeling of repulsiveness…whatever it is, watch it and learn to trust it. However, your intuition may sometimes be coloured by feelings of fear, jealousy, suspicion and past experiences. Make sure to question where what you feel is coming from to make sure it is not affected by any of these.

The Holy Spirit is Higher than Your Intuition

In the game of life and knowing people by their fruits, if intuition is effective, the Holy Spirit is much mooooooore effective than the sharpest intuition. He is a revealer of secrets; even the most carefully hidden secret masked by skillful acting. Get to know him, follow his subtle promptings, and trust him even more than you trust your intuitions. For more help on not falling prey to deceitful actions, click here to read “Before you reveal that secret” and here to read “Man Check: Is he who you think he is”.

P:S Have an awesome weekend. On the 17^th of June, Yours Truly will be a year older. Can’t wait to pop the poppables on that day for the gift of life. Birthday countdown loading…

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