Man Check: Is he who you think he is???

Shout out to all the wonderful people reading this post. See y’all in the month of May.

And the beautiful month of April comes to an end…I do hope the month was nice to you. Today, I’m doing the second part to a post I did days ago titled Man Check: Do you have a check list. It’s actually meant for those who are in a relationship or about to go into one to do a routine check on the man they’re dating. Today, we’re doing a routine check to be double sure he is who you think he is. Why? Because you don’t want to go into marriage thinking you’re with Angel Johnny only to wake up and discover you just married Demon Johnny, lol, your worst nightmare.

Have you ever fallen into a pot-hole or gutter before you, not because you were blind, but because you were gisting with someone, talking on the phone, thinking of something else or because it was dark and you had no flash light? Yes, right? Now I’ll like to ask a question. Did you fall because you were blind? Of course not. Your eyes were functioning properly but some other factors prevented you from seeing well enough so you entered the pit. In the same way, no one deliberately wants to date or marry Demon Johnny. They usually pick him thinking he’s Angel Johnny only to discover he’s something else. So today, I’ll be giving you a few pointers to use in checking if he is who you think he is.

Pointer 1: His Friends

Who are those he calls his friends? Who does he listen to, confide in, run to when in trouble and take advice from? Whether we admit it or not, the friends we keep influence us a lot, so a wise person ought to choose his/her friends wisely. We may argue that we’re not easily influenced but it is a proven fact that evil company corrupts good manners. No one chooses when or how to be influenced, but we can choose who influences us. If your man has friends who you’re not comfortable with because they have vices, you should be concerned. For instance, if he has friends who constantly drink, womanise, cheat on or beat up their girl friends/wives, and he’s comfortable with them, those are danger signs. All it takes is for them to steadily keep cajoling him and for both of you to have a squabble in the relationship and he’ll be walking down that road in no time. What about those he hangs out with regularly? Even if he doesn’t call them his friends, the fact that he spends time with them regularly opens him to their influence. What’s the bottom line, you know a lot about him when you watch the company he keeps.

Pointer 2: His Version of “Unwinding”

Where does he go to when he wants to unwind? What does he do if he wants to unwind? I’m not here to condemn any one’s version of unwinding but if what he does to unwind is not in line with who he is or who he says he is, you gotta watch closely. If his version of unwinding is strip clubs and he says he’s a Christian or he’s God-fearing or whatever, you better wake up. Girl, he’s just a church-goer. A God-fearing man wouldn’t have that on his list of how to unwind not to talk of actually going there.

Pointer 3: The Way He Treats Sub-Ordinates, His Siblings and His Mother

This is a veeeeery huge pointer. If your Mr. Lovey-dovey treats people under him with inhumane actions and nastiness without provocation, if he treats his siblings too harshly all the time or treats his mother harshly, disrespectfully, and doesn’t show her love, its points to very deep things. It shows he’s actually a harsh man and all that lovey-dovey he’s showing you are just an act to get you. It’s only a matter of time (when he eventually gets too familiar with you) and you’ll start seeing his harsh side. Also, the way he treats house keepers, waiters, and people beneath his status who do menial jobs for him tells you if he’s arrogant, bossy, dehumanizing etc.

Pointer 4: His Anger

Everyone gets angry. Everyone feels like beating or strangling people when angry. But guess what, not everyone kills people when angry. Why? Mature people learn to handle and control their anger. If he’s always quick to fly into a rage and can’t seem to control his anger with people around him, you should be concerned. There is no way you will hang with him and not get him angry someday. Can you endure such angry outbursts? He may be treating you like an angel now but what will you do when the demon of his anger descends on him and he beats you up claiming “it was the devil”?

Pointer 5: Random Statements He Makes

Oh yes, you can discover a lot about the man you’re dating from the random statements he makes. I’m talking about those unplanned statements he makes in unguarded moments like “My wife won’t work o! I don’t want her to suffer” or, “I don’t want a career woman” or “If my wife ever tries that, I’ll beat her black and blue” or “I don’t want a woman who wears ……., fixes ….., uses ….. I want a woman who is natural” etc. Of course he’s entitled to his opinion and preferences and who are we to deprive him of that but these unguarded statements are pointers to the deep volcano rumbling within his personality.

Pointer 6: His Beliefs and Values

I’m not referring to the cultural beliefs and values of the place he comes from. He may be from a particular place but may not accept some aspects of the cultures and values of his people. I’m talking about his personal beliefs and values. What beliefs and cultural values does he hold dear? What are the things that mean the most to him? You can tell these from the random statements he makes, as I earlier mentioned.

Pointer 7: Is He Submitted To God?

I had wanted to tag this pointer “his relationship with God” but I felt it would create some confusion and probably mislead you, so I chose “Is he submitted to God instead”. I’m not asking if he goes to church, prays, fasts, sees visions, prophesies, speaks in tongues, is born again etc. I’m referring to someone whose life is submitted to God, who allows the word and spirit of God direct and rule his life. Why? You can never go wrong with someone who is submitted to God. How do you know he’s submitted to God? From the steps he takes and how he takes them. Or have you forgotten that it is written, by their fruits, you shall know them?

So What Next?

Now you’ve read all these pointers, use them to do the necessary check on the man in your life and be sure he’s who you think he is. The ball is now in your court. Like I said in the first sequel of the post series titled "Man Check", if you’re just dating him for dating sake, you may not need what all these. But if you intend to take the relationship to the next level, probably switch gears to courtship/marriage, then you should do some serious man check.

P.S: Thanks so much for reading. Don’t forget to share this post with all the pips in your life. Happy New Month. See ya in the month of May. Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked.

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5 Things You Should Understand About Relationships

Thank God It’s Friday!!!

There’s this feeling of ease that comes when you check the date and discover it is Friday. Anyways, today I’ll like to share with you five things you should understand about relationships. Have fun reading and a happy weekend to you.

No one is perfect

It’s okay to have expectations and preferences of what you would love to see in who you eventually date. But you must understand that on this side of the universe, no one is perfect. Everyone has flaws and so do you. So in case you’re looking for Mr. Perfect who’s got no flaws or weaknesses, you may end frustrated except you have to create him yourself. Understanding this keeps you from having unrealistic expectations and helps you enter the relationship with the right mindset.

Love is not all that matters

Before you skin me alive, please hear me out first. If by love you mean those warm fuzzy feelings running through you and you think those feelings are the only criteria for getting into a relationship, then you’re wrong. Compatibility also matters. No matter how much you’re in love, without compatibility, you’ll struggle a lot in that relationship and may eventually break up. Compatibility is on different levels: physically, emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually. Your level of compatibility on each of these levels matters a lot and eventually affects the relationship no matter how much in love you are.

It’s important to define it

“As you make your bed, so you lie on it” goes a popular saying. If you take yourself seriously, then you can’t be getting into a relationship without properly defining it. Are you guys just friends, getting to know each other, dating, courting exclusively or just “catching fun”? Whatever be the case, define the relationship. Otherwise in your head, you’ll be thinking “He’s my man” and in his head he’ll be thinking “She’s just a friend”. The fact that he’s calling you sweet names, going to places with you and doing whatever with you may not mean he’s your man. Safe yourself the heart break. As the necessary questions that will let you know what you mean to him and define your relationship.

There will be disagreements and quarrels

No matter how much you love each other, there will reasons to disagree or quarrel. That’s why you need to get conflict management skills because it’s not the disagreements that breed problems, it’s the way you handle it. So instead of wishing or hoping you guys never fight, start prepping yourself for conflict management instead. Decide ahead that there will no name calling, outbursts of rage, malice keeping or throwing of punches. Choose to forgive, overlook and sort out your differences amicably instead.

It takes two to tango

The success of any relationship requires both your efforts. “Two cannot walk together except they agree”. Problems usually arise when one person is working to make the relationship better and the other is non-challant.

P.S: Life is beautiful. Enjoy the relationships in your life. Create happy memories every day. No relationship works by default. You gotta work hard to make it work. Xoxo

Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked. xoxo

Follow us on twitter @sister2sisterni and like our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria

Man Check! Do You Have a Checklist???

Shout out to all the wonderful people reading this!!!

Man Check, one two, one two! Testing the Man in your life, one two, one two! Hehehehe. Just following the regular routine used to check out microphones if they work properly, but today of course, it’s the men in our lives we’re checking. Now if you’re just dating him for dating sake, you may not need what I’m about to say. But if you intend to take the relationship to the next level, probably switch gears to courtship/marriage, then this post is for you.

There are two mistakes common to us ladies:

It’s either we’re carried away with being his “chosen girl” that we don’t check to see if he’s the right kind of man for us

Or

We haven’t rightly set our priorities and don’t have a checklist. And even when we have a checklist, it’s not good enough.

Why Do I Need A Checklist? Love is all that Matters After All.

Are you serious? Wake up and smell the coffee. People who love each other to pieces break up every day because of incompatibility. This is usually because they didn’t check properly before they went so far into the relationship.

A checklist is the list of things you should be looking out for in something. After making a product, manufacturers use a checklist to ensure the every part of the product is functioning as it ought to. The list helps them ensure that all aspects of the product are properly checked without omitting any. Even when you go to buy shoes, you do have an idea of what you want which helps you in your search. After you’ve found the perfect shoe, you still have to wear it on your legs to be sure it suits you before you finally buy it, don’t you? 

To decipher if the present guy suits who you are, where you’re going to in life and if you should change gears in your relationship, you need to use your checklist! Period!

What Should Your Checklist Contain?

Your checklist should contain qualities you need from your man, qualities you can put up with even if you don’t like it and deal breakers (things you can’t put up with). Now make a list of qualities the guy has been displaying, both good and bad. This will help you know if you should switch gears or take a bow. 

 What you have in your checklist matters a lot. Even in business deals, some things are negotiable and some are non-negotiable. What is negotiable for me may be non-negotiable for you. On your checklist, determine which ones are negotiable and which are non-negotiable; which ones you can accept, manage or just not put up with.

Time For A Man-Check

We all have a mental picture of what we want from our relationships but it’s time to put that on paper, analyse the relationship you’re in, check that man in your life and be sure he’s exactly what you need. A lot of times, we start a relationship due to some nice things we saw in the person only to discover that we’re not compatible. We allow “Love” (what we feel presently) blind us and overshadow our sense of judgement until we finally wake-up in a marriage or relationship we can’t wait to break out from. But you don’t have to let it come to that. Do that man check today. Only a careless sound engineer sets up sound equipment without testing it. Only a careless person flys into marriage on the wings of love without a doing a proper check. Selah.

P.S: This post is actually the first in a series of posts I will be doing titled “Man Check”. Keep your eyes glued to this blog for the sequels to this post. You know I love y’all. Xoxo

Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked. xoxo

Follow us on twitter @sister2sisterni and like our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria

3 Things You Need To Get Before You Get a Man…

Shout out to all the wonderful people reading this!!!

Before I get into the post of the day, I’d like to say a huge thank you to the readers of my blog. You make me know I’m not wasting my time or energy. I guarantee you; it’ll only get better as the days pass by. Now, to the post of the day…

Have you ever heard the phrase “Get a Life”? Well, this phrase is a very important one. On the staircase of life, some steps come before others. Even when we describe the steps to getting or doing something, there’s always a step 1, then a step 2 and other relevant steps. No one moves from the cradle to the university. You first have to go through kindergarten / nursery school. In the same way, before you think of getting a man/boyfriend or getting into a serious relationship, there are some things you need to get or do first.

1) Discover Who You Are

It’s important you get to understand who you are before you hook up with anyone. Self-discovery doesn’t come in one day. We discover who we are overtime. Get to know your likes, dislikes, preferences, preferences in a man, deal breakers (things you can’t take in a relationship), weaknesses, boiling points, temperament plus the kind of woman you are. When you discover who you are, it becomes easier to know what kind of man will suit you best.

2) Discover Your Career Path, Purpose or Destiny

What career path will you be taking? What’s your purpose or destiny? You need to have an idea of these. Why? It helps the man coming into your life know if he can accept you knowing fully well that you’ll be doing those things. What one man can handle may be unbearable for another man. What’s more? It saves you the stress of starting a relationship and breaking up simply because he’s not comfortable with your career/purpose.

3) Understand What a Relationship Entails

Getting into a relationship has its own demands, rules and all. You need to understand these and be sure you’re ready for such before you get into one. 

While You Wait, Get a Life

I can’t emphasize this enough. Don’t loaf around like someone with no future just waiting for a man to come and rescue you. Be useful, add value to yourself.  No man wants a “useless” woman (no offence meant; “useless” here refers to one who is not useful for anything) and you don’t wanna become a liability eventually. While you wait, use your life and strengths well. Get a career, get that education, start that business, be good at what you do. Pursue the path of continuous self-improvement, improve your culinary skills.

The Irony of Life

In this time and age we’re in, with all the stuff we see around us and on TV, when we’re young, all we wanna do is jump into a relationship. So, we grab the nearest person who looks cute enough and fulfills our fantasy so we can proudly blab to our peers about the relationship we’re in. But if you’re done with all that hopping from one relationship to the other and you’re finally taking your life and future seriously, then you need to get these three things before you get a man. xoxo

P.S: Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked. xoxo

Follow us on twitter @sister2sisterni and like our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria

6 People You Should Keep at Arms-Length this Season

Yes o! Evil company corrupts good manners (1 Corinthians 15:33). I don’t know about you o. But as for me, I have a destiny to fulfill and a dream/vision to chase till it becomes a reality. The company you keep determines to a very large extent how far you will go/rise to in life. It’s time for you to examine and re-evaluate the people who are around your life to see which ones will remain and which ones you will have to distance yourself from.

To make it easier for you, I made a list of 6 people you should keep far from your life this season. In case you’re wondering what season we’re in, this is the season of fulfilling destiny/purpose. Now to the list…

1) The Discourager

Aha! A discourager is anybody who never encourages you each time you mention your dream/plans. He or she always criticizes your dreams and tells you to “face reality” because “that will never happen” or tells you to move on to more serious things. In fact, the more you hang out with such a person, the more you begin to doubt your dreams and abilities.

2) The Time Waster

Aka Jaiye-Jaiye Prefect. This kind of person is usually a fun person. He or she adds spice to your life bringing fun, laughter and creating wonderful memories. However, when you have serious tasks lined up and a target to achieve or you need quiet time to think things through, such a person usually becomes a time-waster coming up with all sorts of time-wasting activities. What’s more, if you refuse to go with them, they take offense and blackmail you with “Eeeeeh. If it was me, I would have done this for you” until you give in.

3) The Vagabond

This kind of person has no sense of direction presently, hasn’t discovered the purpose for his life, is not chasing any dream and just does whatever he/she can lay his hands on. Each time he/she sees you doing something related to your dream, they sound like this “You and this your ……… sef. Na everyday you dey do this thing. Abeg no kill your sef o. Rest small now”. The fact that you’re focused is a threat to them because it reminds them that they have no sense of direction.

4) The Idea-Thief

Or should I say stealer..lol. This is that person in your life who “copies” every idea you come up with. He/she has copied many of your little concepts and ideas in the past. Now that you’re ready to move higher, expect more copying and idea-stealing on a higher and more painful level.

5) Non-Supportive Boyfriend

With all the hostility around us as we chase our dreams and fulfill destiny, who needs a non-supportive boyfriend who adds salt to injury? We need the people closest to us and the people who mean the most to us to support our dreams. Having a boyfriend who’s also an “enemy” of your dreams or destiny is heart breaking. Despite all your pleas for his support, if he has chosen to be a non-supportive boyfriend, you should have a re-think on his status as your boyfriend.

6) Tale-Bearers 

Aha! I’m talking about all those people who always bring stories of “he said, she said” to you. They always seem to hear when people talk about you and have commissioned themselves as tale-bearers to faithfully bring such info to you. What’s more, they know how to amplify the story and spice it up till you’re all worked up with rage and ready to declare war. You don’t need all that info. You have a race to run and a destiny to fulfill. Preserve your ears and energy for better things.

Why Do I Need To Keep Them at Arms-Length

What?!! Didn’t you know already? It’s because they are not helpful but toxic to your purpose, dreams and destiny. The more you hang around them, the more your strength and zest for life and destiny is depleted. Hebrews 12:1 says “...let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily besets us and run with patience the race set before us”. All these people are currently weights in your life that make running on the tracks of destiny more difficult than it should be. Now I’m not asking you to start keeping malice with them but you need to put some distance between you and them if you must make progress. Find a way to control and minimize your contact with them. If can’t do that, protect your dreams from them. Stop telling them stuff related to your dreams since you know they always discourage you or try to steal your ideas. And when they bring all those dem-say dem-say gist or time-wasting gimmicks, tell them you no longer have time for that.  

What about those you need to surround yourself with if you must achieve your dreams and fulfill destiny, we’ll talk about that some other time. Till then, xoxo.

P.S: Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked. xoxo

Follow us on twitter @sister2sisterni and like our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria

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NowThat You’re Single Again…

Shout out to all those who just became single recently.  

Being in a relationship has its good and fun side. It also has its benefits: someone to laugh with, a shoulder to cry one, someone who loves and cares for you, the hangouts, the fun moments, the precious memories and all. What’s more, the Bible even says “two are better than one…” (Ecclesiastes 4:9). Truth be told, most of us would naturally pick being in a relationship than being single. 

So you’ve been in a relationship with this guy for a while (months or maybe even years) and things were going smoothly. But somehow, something happened and you’re back to square one: you’re now single. Whether or not the reason for the end of the relationship was caused by you, becoming single after being in a relationship for a while feels like losing the use of your legs due to an accident and having to re-learn how to walk again. No more calls/texts, no more hangouts, no more affection from the person etc. If you’re not careful, you could hook up with anyone who comes your way just to numb the emptiness you feel due to your present single status. But is this the solution?

Before we talk about the solution, let’s look at a few things you may be experiencing now that you’re single:

Mood Swings: Yea, yea! The more you think about the relationship, the good and bad times you had, the reasons for the break up or death of the relationship, your emotions enter a roller coaster and you start having mood swings. You find yourself happy at one moment and sad the next moment.

Anger and Bitterness: When you began that relationship, you had high hopes that it would last and now it’s broken. You may find yourself feeling angry and bitter over wasted time especially if you were not the cause of the break-up.

Fear: “Once beaten, twice shy” goes a popular English saying. Depending on the circumstances that led to your present single state, you may find yourself feeling afraid of having to go through the dating game and find a new person.

Tired of Relationships: Depending on the things you went through in the last relationship, you may find yourself completely tired and wanting nothing to do with having a relationship.

What’s the First Step?

Now that you’re single again, what’s the first step? ALLOW YOURSELF TO HEAL. Do not be in a haste to date anyone new. Have a good cry. Cry out your pain till you feel better. Research shows that crying does a lot of good by helping you release pent up emotions. Do a post-mortem on the relationship. Think through and see where and how things deteriorated before you eventually broke up. Find out where you got it wrong so when you eventually have another relationship, you may get it right. 

If you ask me, I’ll suggest you stay six months to one year before you plunge into another relationship. Why? So your heart can heal well enough. Otherwise, you’ll just carry baggage from the past and end up destroying the new relationship.

Hold on Girl! It Gets Easier as Each Day Passes

I know it doesn’t look like that now, but the truth is, time does heal wounds…but only when you take time to bind and treat those wounds. All the hurt and anger you feel towards the male folk will fade away with time. You’ll learn to love again, only if you give yourself time to heal. Take one day at a time. You’ll get stronger as the day passes.

Are you single because he died? May God comfort you. Asking God why he allowed him die will only make you more miserable than you should be. Take rest in Romans 8:28 “…all things (even things that hurt us and things we never expected) work together for good to them that love God…” Even though it doesn’t look like it now, all things are working together for your good.

P.S: Do you know anyone who just became single again? Share this post with them. They’ll be glad you did. xoxo

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