5 Dumbest Moves Ladies Make

Shout out to all the wonderful people reading this blog

Sometimes in life, even the smartest people make not so smart moves. Reasons include ignorance, feelings and emotions, adventure, trial and error, feeling like your case is gonna be different and all. And even though we don’t want to admit it, we’ve all made dumb moves at different points in our lives (me too) and done things we’re not so proud of. However, there are some dumb moves that are common to us ladies. Why are they common? Because a lot have ladies have made these moves in the past and a lot of them still keep making these same moves presently.

Now I’m not here to judge anyone or call anyone dumb. Just wanna show you a few of the dumbest moves we ladies make with the hope that the vicious cycle of these heart breaking moves comes to an end (so help me God). In no particular order, let’s check out these dumbest moves.

#1 Dumbest Move – Giving Sex to Get Love or Keep Him

Yea, right. Ladies have done this and keep doing this. Some ladies try to use sex to get a guy-and it actually gets some of them.  The problem is, it usually gets you the wrong kind of guy: the sex maniac, the serial cheat, the chronic bachelor with no intentions of settling down or Mr. Booty Call. Some ladies give sex to “keep” the guy. Usually, it’s because he has been saying things like “We’re going to get married anyways, why hold back?”, “If you love me, show me that you love me”, “Honey, do you want me to go after other ladies out there? Why are you my girlfriend?”, “Just one time, pleeeeease. It will bring us closer” and so many other pick up lines. 

Other ladies give sex thinking it will make the guy love them more and stay faithful to them. But unfortunately, sex doesn’t make a guy love you, love you more, stick with you or stay faithful to you. Those things are a product of personal choice (the guy’s personal choice). The media and pop culture has taught us otherwise so we keep making these dumb moves.

#2 Dumbest Move – Playing House

Playing house means playing “husband and wife” by moving into his house. At first, things seem rosy and great until the “see-finish syndrome” sets in. You know that point he begins to take you for granted and doesn’t appreciate you anymore. That point where you begin to demand more commitment and he keeps putting it off. That point where he wonders to himself how you didn’t have high standards for choosing to move in with him; that point where the fights increase daily and he doesn’t care if you move out of his house because he’s tired of you anyways. Ladies still keep making this dumb move. Except you don’t intend to do anything serious with him, moving into his house is a dumb move that won’t make him marry you.

#3 Dumbest Move – Changing Yourself in Order to Get or Keep Him

He told you he likes a girl that does this or does that; he wants to get married to a girl that acts like this or that. So you start “remixing” yourself to become his ideal woman, the girl of his dreams. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with upgrading yourself and continuous self-improvement. But losing your identity and changing to become someone else will not profit you. In the end, you lose your uniqueness becoming someone else. What happens when the relationship eventually ends and you’ve acquired habits or should I say vices that cause trouble for you in subsequent relationships???

#4 Dumbest Move – Asking Guys Out

Before you crucify me, hear me out. In our age and time, it’s not uncommon for girls to ask guys out. Why? Because they’ve got the boldness and they can. You may be thinking “what’s wrong with that” but I dare say everything is wrong with it. Not every guy is mature enough to handle that (some guys turn the fact that you asked them out into public gist). Guys also like to choose for themselves-not the other way round. If you’re so eager to get a guy to notice you or date your, there are other subtle ways to drop a hint that shows you like him or you’re open to a relationship which will save you the flipside of asking him out. What is the flip side? That moment when he feels he’s seen a girl that he wants and decides to move on telling you “after all, I didn’t ask you out…”

#5 Dumbest Move – Missionary Dating

Missionary dating means dating someone whose character you’re not presently comfortable with the hopes of “changing” him. We’re so guilty of this. Yes, no one is perfect and it is possible to influence another person to change, but trying to change another person will only lead you to frustration. If you don’t like him the way he is, why are you with him? I hear ladies say things like “I’ll change him”, “I’ll make him do …”. So they think they can nag, cajole or threaten the guy to change. No man likes to be nagged, to feel controlled or to feel like you’re trying to change him. Actually, no one does. Smart guys just go with the flow pretending to change just to get you to fall even deeper and later show you their true colour. Missionary dating never changes anyone, except God decides to use you to influence a change in his life but that is only possible if the guy himself is willing to change because we all have a free will. Save yourself the heart break, girl.

Trade the Dumb Moves

If you’re presently making such dumb moves I’m here to tell you this: all you’re gonna get is frustration. Make a detour; many have failed and are still failing for applying these moves. Trade the dumb moves for smarter moves. Do the opposite. Don’t be deceived: a guy will stay with you and be faithful to you if he chooses, not because he’s had sex with you. Moving into his house or changing yourself won’t help either. Having a penchant for asking guys out or missionary dating will only get you hurt many times over.

P.S. These are the 5 dumbest moves I think ladies make. Can you think of more?

Keep your eyes glued to our twitter handle @sister2sisterni and our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria for more interesting updates this month. We’ve got a lot of interesting stuff coming up this month.

Man Check! Do You Have a Checklist???

Shout out to all the wonderful people reading this!!!

Man Check, one two, one two! Testing the Man in your life, one two, one two! Hehehehe. Just following the regular routine used to check out microphones if they work properly, but today of course, it’s the men in our lives we’re checking. Now if you’re just dating him for dating sake, you may not need what I’m about to say. But if you intend to take the relationship to the next level, probably switch gears to courtship/marriage, then this post is for you.

There are two mistakes common to us ladies:

It’s either we’re carried away with being his “chosen girl” that we don’t check to see if he’s the right kind of man for us

Or

We haven’t rightly set our priorities and don’t have a checklist. And even when we have a checklist, it’s not good enough.

Why Do I Need A Checklist? Love is all that Matters After All.

Are you serious? Wake up and smell the coffee. People who love each other to pieces break up every day because of incompatibility. This is usually because they didn’t check properly before they went so far into the relationship.

A checklist is the list of things you should be looking out for in something. After making a product, manufacturers use a checklist to ensure the every part of the product is functioning as it ought to. The list helps them ensure that all aspects of the product are properly checked without omitting any. Even when you go to buy shoes, you do have an idea of what you want which helps you in your search. After you’ve found the perfect shoe, you still have to wear it on your legs to be sure it suits you before you finally buy it, don’t you? 

To decipher if the present guy suits who you are, where you’re going to in life and if you should change gears in your relationship, you need to use your checklist! Period!

What Should Your Checklist Contain?

Your checklist should contain qualities you need from your man, qualities you can put up with even if you don’t like it and deal breakers (things you can’t put up with). Now make a list of qualities the guy has been displaying, both good and bad. This will help you know if you should switch gears or take a bow. 

 What you have in your checklist matters a lot. Even in business deals, some things are negotiable and some are non-negotiable. What is negotiable for me may be non-negotiable for you. On your checklist, determine which ones are negotiable and which are non-negotiable; which ones you can accept, manage or just not put up with.

Time For A Man-Check

We all have a mental picture of what we want from our relationships but it’s time to put that on paper, analyse the relationship you’re in, check that man in your life and be sure he’s exactly what you need. A lot of times, we start a relationship due to some nice things we saw in the person only to discover that we’re not compatible. We allow “Love” (what we feel presently) blind us and overshadow our sense of judgement until we finally wake-up in a marriage or relationship we can’t wait to break out from. But you don’t have to let it come to that. Do that man check today. Only a careless sound engineer sets up sound equipment without testing it. Only a careless person flys into marriage on the wings of love without a doing a proper check. Selah.

P.S: This post is actually the first in a series of posts I will be doing titled “Man Check”. Keep your eyes glued to this blog for the sequels to this post. You know I love y’all. Xoxo

Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked. xoxo

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3 Things You Need To Get Before You Get a Man…

Shout out to all the wonderful people reading this!!!

Before I get into the post of the day, I’d like to say a huge thank you to the readers of my blog. You make me know I’m not wasting my time or energy. I guarantee you; it’ll only get better as the days pass by. Now, to the post of the day…

Have you ever heard the phrase “Get a Life”? Well, this phrase is a very important one. On the staircase of life, some steps come before others. Even when we describe the steps to getting or doing something, there’s always a step 1, then a step 2 and other relevant steps. No one moves from the cradle to the university. You first have to go through kindergarten / nursery school. In the same way, before you think of getting a man/boyfriend or getting into a serious relationship, there are some things you need to get or do first.

1) Discover Who You Are

It’s important you get to understand who you are before you hook up with anyone. Self-discovery doesn’t come in one day. We discover who we are overtime. Get to know your likes, dislikes, preferences, preferences in a man, deal breakers (things you can’t take in a relationship), weaknesses, boiling points, temperament plus the kind of woman you are. When you discover who you are, it becomes easier to know what kind of man will suit you best.

2) Discover Your Career Path, Purpose or Destiny

What career path will you be taking? What’s your purpose or destiny? You need to have an idea of these. Why? It helps the man coming into your life know if he can accept you knowing fully well that you’ll be doing those things. What one man can handle may be unbearable for another man. What’s more? It saves you the stress of starting a relationship and breaking up simply because he’s not comfortable with your career/purpose.

3) Understand What a Relationship Entails

Getting into a relationship has its own demands, rules and all. You need to understand these and be sure you’re ready for such before you get into one. 

While You Wait, Get a Life

I can’t emphasize this enough. Don’t loaf around like someone with no future just waiting for a man to come and rescue you. Be useful, add value to yourself.  No man wants a “useless” woman (no offence meant; “useless” here refers to one who is not useful for anything) and you don’t wanna become a liability eventually. While you wait, use your life and strengths well. Get a career, get that education, start that business, be good at what you do. Pursue the path of continuous self-improvement, improve your culinary skills.

The Irony of Life

In this time and age we’re in, with all the stuff we see around us and on TV, when we’re young, all we wanna do is jump into a relationship. So, we grab the nearest person who looks cute enough and fulfills our fantasy so we can proudly blab to our peers about the relationship we’re in. But if you’re done with all that hopping from one relationship to the other and you’re finally taking your life and future seriously, then you need to get these three things before you get a man. xoxo

P.S: Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked. xoxo

Follow us on twitter @sister2sisterni and like our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria

NowThat You’re Single Again…

Shout out to all those who just became single recently.  

Being in a relationship has its good and fun side. It also has its benefits: someone to laugh with, a shoulder to cry one, someone who loves and cares for you, the hangouts, the fun moments, the precious memories and all. What’s more, the Bible even says “two are better than one…” (Ecclesiastes 4:9). Truth be told, most of us would naturally pick being in a relationship than being single. 

So you’ve been in a relationship with this guy for a while (months or maybe even years) and things were going smoothly. But somehow, something happened and you’re back to square one: you’re now single. Whether or not the reason for the end of the relationship was caused by you, becoming single after being in a relationship for a while feels like losing the use of your legs due to an accident and having to re-learn how to walk again. No more calls/texts, no more hangouts, no more affection from the person etc. If you’re not careful, you could hook up with anyone who comes your way just to numb the emptiness you feel due to your present single status. But is this the solution?

Before we talk about the solution, let’s look at a few things you may be experiencing now that you’re single:

Mood Swings: Yea, yea! The more you think about the relationship, the good and bad times you had, the reasons for the break up or death of the relationship, your emotions enter a roller coaster and you start having mood swings. You find yourself happy at one moment and sad the next moment.

Anger and Bitterness: When you began that relationship, you had high hopes that it would last and now it’s broken. You may find yourself feeling angry and bitter over wasted time especially if you were not the cause of the break-up.

Fear: “Once beaten, twice shy” goes a popular English saying. Depending on the circumstances that led to your present single state, you may find yourself feeling afraid of having to go through the dating game and find a new person.

Tired of Relationships: Depending on the things you went through in the last relationship, you may find yourself completely tired and wanting nothing to do with having a relationship.

What’s the First Step?

Now that you’re single again, what’s the first step? ALLOW YOURSELF TO HEAL. Do not be in a haste to date anyone new. Have a good cry. Cry out your pain till you feel better. Research shows that crying does a lot of good by helping you release pent up emotions. Do a post-mortem on the relationship. Think through and see where and how things deteriorated before you eventually broke up. Find out where you got it wrong so when you eventually have another relationship, you may get it right. 

If you ask me, I’ll suggest you stay six months to one year before you plunge into another relationship. Why? So your heart can heal well enough. Otherwise, you’ll just carry baggage from the past and end up destroying the new relationship.

Hold on Girl! It Gets Easier as Each Day Passes

I know it doesn’t look like that now, but the truth is, time does heal wounds…but only when you take time to bind and treat those wounds. All the hurt and anger you feel towards the male folk will fade away with time. You’ll learn to love again, only if you give yourself time to heal. Take one day at a time. You’ll get stronger as the day passes.

Are you single because he died? May God comfort you. Asking God why he allowed him die will only make you more miserable than you should be. Take rest in Romans 8:28 “…all things (even things that hurt us and things we never expected) work together for good to them that love God…” Even though it doesn’t look like it now, all things are working together for your good.

P.S: Do you know anyone who just became single again? Share this post with them. They’ll be glad you did. xoxo

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12 Signs You’re Not Ready For Marriage

Ouch! Did she just say that?  Oh yes I did. A lot of times we think we’re ready for marriage simply because we’re a certain age, we’ve made money, we know how to cook etc. Now don’t get me wrong, these things are part of it, but they are not the only yardsticks for one’s readiness for marriage. Today, I’m looking at readiness for marriage from the maturity angle. Marriage is not for “kids” neither is it “child’s play”. It’s for two willing and mature adults. It takes a lot more than “love”. Maturity is also important. Again, maturity is not a product of age but your mindset, understanding and exposure.  Join me as we do a little soul searching to see just how ready we are for marriage. Happy Reading!!!

   1)    You Always Want Things to Go Your Way

  

For real? Is she serious? Oh yes I am. Only babies insist on having their way all the time. And when things don’t go their way, they pout, whine, throw tantrums and become unbearable. Insisting things must be done just the way you like it all the time is childishness. Grow up! Learn to reason things with the other person and reach a compromise for the good of both of you. Marriage is all about compromise you know.

  2)  You Can’t Handle Your Anger

   

Conflicts, disagreements and quarrelling are part of life, relationships and yes, marriage. They will always arise. Maturity is the ability to handle these without the relationship being destroyed. Anger management is serious business. If you still go haywire destroying things and beating people up in the name of anger, you’re obviously not ready for marriage. Your spouse and kids will do many things to offend you when you eventually get married, what will you do then? Beat them up to death???

  3)  You Still Find it Hard To Forgive

   

For any relationship or marriage to stand the test of time, it needs a lot of forgiveness. Let’s face it, like Jesus said, “offences will come”. You will offend your spouse many times unintentionally and vice versa. If you’re still into keeping malice for days, getting even (revenge/do me, I do you) and always digging up past issues, all these will eventually destroy your marriage. Still find it hard to forgive? God gives grace to those who ask.

 4)  You Use “It’s Over” at the Slightest Provocation

    

This one is a big no no! If you find that at the slightest provocation in your relationships, you use words like “it’s over”, “I’m done”, “Get out of my life”, “I hate you” etc, you’re not ready for marriage one bit. Why must every disagreement you have end with these words? When you eventually get married it will graduate to “I’m divorcing you”. Delete these nasty words from your vocabulary. Mature people try to settle their differences. They do not bail out at the slightest provocation.

  5)  You’re Not Ready To Give Up Your Freedom

   

Bombshell! Is marriage a prison yard then? Before you crucify me, hear me out. Being in a relationship/marriage with someone has its own rules. It’s different from being single. When you’re single, you can do whatever you like without considering anyone’s feelings, needs etc. Relationships/marriage have side effects (some amount of your freedom). You can’t make certain decisions without letting the other party know. You can’t stay out late or make certain journeys without having someone ask you why (sometimes it feels like interrogation lol). If you’re not ready for these side effects, you’re definitely not ready for marriage.

  6)  You’re Not Ready To Share

Marriage requires sharing on a largeeeee scale. You share your space, time, money, ideas, body etc with your spouse and eventually your kids. Some people want to share their time but not their money and vice versa. Wake up! If you’re not ready to share, you might as well remain single. Mature people understand that love is sharing and sharing means sharing everything.

And this is where the soul searching for today ends. So you said 12 signs…where are the remaining six? Easy! Watch out for the remaining six. Or how do they say it: to be continued….(lol). Just chew on these six for now. Search your soul and see where you need to make adjustments. xoxo

PS: Wickedness is when you read this and refuse to share it. You never can tell who’ll be needing it. So share! Share! Share! Comments are always welcome.

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