Lies All Those Break Ups Want You to Believe

Wounds of the soul are unseen, yet they require the same attention as physical wounds.

 If only we could go through life without break ups or being hurt….However, that is one wish that can’t be granted on this side of the universe. Most people have experienced a break up at least once in their life time; others have experienced one hurtful situation or the other from friends, family members and loved ones. Such situations sometimes leave us with wounds in form of warped minds, thoughts, attitudes and even patterns of behaviour. In other words, they leave us with side effects that need to be attended to. One major side effect is that they leave us believing lies and the greatest error one can make is swallowing these lies hook, line and sinker, as if they were the truth. Here are a few lies the break ups and hurts you’ve gone through have made you believe.

Lie 1: You’re not good enough/You’re too this or that

Think of it: you never felt you were not good enough till you went through that break up; you never felt you were too tall, short, fat, skinny, noisy, quiet etc till you went through that hurtful situation. And though it’s been months or years since it happened, you still feel like you’re not good enough in those areas. It’s worse when about two or more people who hurt you said the same thing to you. Now, believing this lie has cost you your self esteem in these aspects.

Lie 2: You’ll never find somebody to love you

Thanks to that guy who kept telling you no one would ever love you like he loved you and yet jilted you, you’re now scared that you will never find any one like him. That devil is a liar!!! When he is not Yahweh who has the final say over your life???? The problem is not that he tried to feed you this lie; the problem is YOU BELIEVED IT.

Lie 3: He took my virginity now I’m left with nothing

It may be true that he did take your virginity; that is an error you made in the past but it doesn’t have to be your present. You may not have a physical virginity to offer any more but you have you and all the beautiful aspects of you to offer. Repackage your life; regain your respect, carry yourself with dignity, upgrade yourself and rebuild your confidence; you still have a lot to offer.

Lie 4: Maybe I need to compromise myself/my standards

This lie usually affects those who held on to their standards of sexual purity and were jilted severally by guys who only wanted to sleep with them and guys who lack self control/a value for sexual purity. At some point, such a lady begins to think she should bend her principles to get and keep a man, especially if a lot of people she knew who had been sexually promiscuous or licentious are now married.

Lie 5: May be I should just manage the next guy who comes

This lie plagues ladies who have been jilted repeatedly and now age is “not on their side” so they think “I’ll just manage the next guy that comes”. Hello sis! Don’t even try that. You don’t need someone you will manage; you need someone who you delight in; someone who is suitable for you. Look around and see all the terrible marriages around you which started based on “let me manage him” and you’ll see why this is a dumb move.

Believe the Truth Instead

A lie is still a lie, no matter how it sounds. It is designed to mislead you into believing and acting on falsehood. The truth is that:

• You are fearfully and wonderfully made (psalm 139:14); a unique blend of character traits, made by God, suitable to be a future help for someone and a light to your world.

• None shall lack her mate (Isaiah 34:16); at the appointed time, after God has groomed you, he will bring unto you the one who will forever worship God for blessing him with you and cherish, appreciate as well as celebrate you.

• If God gave Rahab the prostitute and Ruth the Moabite widow (both women were not virgins remember) husbands from his sons in Israel because they identified and chose him as their God, he will do the same for you.

Let God be true, but every man a liar. It doesn’t matter what it presently looks like, only God’s word (the one who holds your tomorrow) over you is true. May God heal you from all these lies and empower you to believe the truth that sets you free.

Did you enjoy this post? Do you have more useful tips on this topic? Feel free to leave your views in the comment section.

P.S- Don’t be stingy; share this post with someone you know who needs it-you’ll be doing them a lot of good. If you’re reading this from a mobile device, click view web version to see the wonderful features of the blog that are exclusive to the desk-top version.

Are you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship matters and life in general?  E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.

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The Gift of Goodbye…

Sometimes, the best and only option is to say good bye and move on.

Hey there! This post is dedicated to those who just lost something; those who just experienced a break up or lost a loved one to death…

Goodbye is not just a word we say when people leave us; it is actually the ability to let go of things or situations when they’ve run their course and have come to an end. As much as we wish that some things, moments, or relationships last forever, in reality things have a time limit and so they eventually come to an end. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the breakup of a relationship/courtship, the drifting apart of a friendship due to distance or something else, or the loss of something you love, you need the gift of goodbye to successfully let go of the loss and move on to better things. Although the loss of a relationship, loved one or something dear to you sometimes feels like the end of the world, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The truth is that there are better days ahead; if you will just get through it, you will come out stronger. Here are a few tips to help you say goodbye to your present losses and move on to better days.

Grieve if You Feel Like It

Now is not the time to form “macho”; if you feel disappointed, hurt and tempted to cry, by all means cry. Lock yourself up in the room and cry to help let out all the anger and hurtful feelings bottled up within you. Research has proved that crying when we’re hurt is quite helpful as it helps let out all the hurt and leaves you feeling lighter. Make it even better by crying unto God, pouring out your heart to him and asking him to heal your heart as well as help you get through this phase of life. You’ll be amazed at how much stronger you’ll feel when you’re done.

Stop the Blame and Wishing Game

When we lose something, someone or a relationship, our natural tendency is to blame it on something, someone or even blame ourselves and wish that so so so thing that led to this thing never happened. Looking for who or what to blame it on and wishing it never happened/wishing you could turn back the hands of time will only leave you feeling depressed and more miserable than you already are. Take a break from psychoanalyzing the whole scenario repeatedly and from asking “why me?” and “why did this have to happen now?” continuously. Those questions are not productive. On this side of the universe, unexpected unpleasant things happen sometimes and we all have to learn to go through them.

Where Possible, Get Help

Involve capable and trusted friends and family members as you go through this grieving process. Let them be your support system. Let them be the hands that hold you when you cry and the lips that intercede for you in prayer when you are too weighed down by sorrow to pray. Believe me, you need all the prayer you can get. Listen to the stories of people who went through similar situations like yours and have come out stronger, it will motivate you a great deal and boost your faith and zest for life. Look for and read helpful books that handle what you’re going through.

Take Each Day as It Comes

Going through a loss/a goodbye moment usually feels like the end of the world even though it isn’t. Instead of wondering if you’ll ever love/trust again and if you’ll ever find anyone like the one you lost to death or a breakup, focus on taking each day as it comes. Wounds heal, tears dry up (cuz no one cries forever), broken hearts heal; you will eventually learn to laugh and smile again. It is the things we go through that make us stronger, wiser and shape us for the better. Don’t shut your heart, don’t become nasty or rigid because of the things that have happened; otherwise you will shut out the good things God has in store for you in the days ahead and guess what, the only person who would lose would be you.

Kathryn Kulhman once said the things we go through can either make us bitter or better; it all depends on the perspective we look at and how we take it. When we focus on “I”, we become bitter; but when we focus of “El-Shaddai”, we become better. Allow this goodbye moment to make you better, not bitter. The end of one chapter is the beginning of another chapter. Your best days lie ahead; say goodbye to what you lost and those that left, move on and catch up with the good days that lie ahead. xoxo

Did you enjoy this post? Do you have more useful tips on this topic? Feel free to leave your views in the comment section.

P.S- Don’t be stingy; share this post with someone you know who needs it-you’ll be doing them a lot of good. If you’re reading this from a mobile device, click view web version to see the wonderful features of the blog that are exclusive to the desk-top version.

Are you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship matters and life in general?  E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.

Follow us on twitter here and like our facebook page here.