12 Signs You’re Not Ready For Marriage PT 2

This is a sequel to a post I did months ago on this blog. In the previous post, I shared the first six signs that show you’re not ready for marriage and today, I’ll be sharing the remaining six signs. To view the first part of this blogpost, click here. Without much ado, let’s dive into it.

#7- You’re not Ready to Take S**t

 You remember all those rantings of yours that sound like this “I’m not going to take s**t from anyone oooo” and “if my husband/wife tries that eh, I’ll beat the hell out of him/her or give it to him fire for fire”? Those things are what single people say until they get married and discover that to stay married, you have to learn to be tolerant and that involves putting up with a lot of s**t from your spouse, in-laws and even your kids. No one is perfect on this side of the universe, everybody comes with a dose of s**t that they dish out from time to time. People who are ready to get married learn to live with such.

#8- You’re Waiting for A Perfect Man

Oya ooo, no shoot me abeg. I know you want to find the man that is perfect for you but that is different from wanting to find a perfect man. There is no perfect man or woman anywhere, waiting to find one will have you waiting for eternity. Everyone, as good as they are, comes with weaknesses and if you take them, you must take them with both their good and not so good sides. In case you’ve forgotten, you’re not perfect yourself.

#9- You’re Not Ready to be Responsible

Why do you think they use the phrase “settle down” to refer to marriage? Because marriage is for mature people and it requires you being responsible. You’ve got to be ready to have and raise kids, handle the bills and attend to all the responsibilities that come with marriage. It’s not enough to be called the man or woman of the house, you gotta act like one. Your spouse, kids, family and even in-laws start looking up to you when you get married and you gotta be prepared to act accordingly.

#10- Not Ready To Be Faithful

Now this one is a biggie. One of the core demands of marriage is faithfulness. No one likes their spouse cheating on them. If you’re planning to have your cake and eat it in marriage by being unfaithful then you’re definitely not ready for marriage. And before you start complaining about how hard it is to stay married to the same person for life and be faithful, ask those who have gone ahead of you and they’ll give you useful tips.

#11- Not Ready To Be Open

If you’re planning to get married and not be open, you’ll be starting on a wrong footing. While you may want to cite stories of people who tried to be open to their spouses and it only brought trouble, why not focus on your life and leave other peoples ish alone instead. It is in your power while dating/courting to learn how to be open and encourage your would-be spouse to be open. It is only people who have and intend to have more skeletons in their cupboard that go into marriage seeking to hide stuff and keep secrets.

#12- You Have Trust Issues and Can’t Control Your Jealousy 

No relationship or marriage can succeed where trust is broken. If you have trust issues, get the needed help so you can learn to trust again. All that excessive display of jealousy will only weary out whoever you’re with. You can’t tie your spouse down in marriage or stop him/her from relating with the oppose sex. You guys will have to move to Mars or Jupiter where there is no other human being. The ability to trust and control your jealousy is a hallmark of maturity that you must have for a successful marriage.

Voila! C’est fini! Now that you’ve read all the twelve signs that show that you’re not ready for marriage, do some soul searching to remove the beam in your eyes while I do likewise. God help us all.

P.S: Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked. Xoxo

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Hallmarks of Maturity: Are you mature???

Your originality is your uniqueness; your uniqueness is your swag. Stay Original.

By now, I’m sure you’ve lived long enough to know that maturity is not a product of age alone. Maturity stems from your exposure, knowledge, understanding, experiences (both the ones that happened to you and those that happened to others) and your ability to put away childishness and allow these things influence you positively. I’m a huge fan of this verse (1 Cor 13:11) that says “When I was a child, I spoke as a child (and acted as one), understood as a child and thought as a child; but when I became a man (in other words, when I became mature), I put away childish things (emphasis + words in bracket mine). Why? It shows me that maturity involves putting away childish ways (thoughts, words, understanding and acts). This means that when we become mature, if we don’t put away childish ways, they will still cling to us. In the youth ministry I belong to (Word WYN), this is our year of maturity; so for a while now, this word has been ringing in my heart.

Maturity is on so many levels: physical, spiritual, emotional, mental, marital and financial. Physical maturity is the most visible kind of maturity and it is the only kind of maturity that happens without our effort; except for the fact that what we eat affects this rate of maturity. The other kinds of maturity all require personal consistent effort to be achieved. They are a product of what we read, see, hear, and experience, how much we allow these things to influence us and how much of our childish (unproductive) ways we choose to give up. In subsequent posts, I’ll be dealing with maturity on each of these levels. But today, let’s take a look at a few hallmarks of maturity; I mean the ones that show your maturity at first glance.  

Sensitivity

Sensitivity is the ability to understand moods and non-verbal communication per time, the ability to know how best to respond to these and act accordingly. We need sensitivity everywhere: in our dealings with people, in our relationships, in making the right decisions and handling disagreements/delicate matters. Sensitivity is a very important key factor to a successful marriage. Sensitivity helps us know when to speak, when to keep silent, when to make a request or give a suggestion. A lot of times, when people speak, there are unspoken messages implied in their tone and even in their silence. In our dealings with God, sensitivity is also required to understand his will and counsel per time and discern matters accurately. Your level of sensitivity shows how mature you are.

Your Knowledge of What to Disclose

No matter your occupation or position in life, your knowledge of what to disclose and what to keep as a secret shows how mature you are. It’s not everything you tell everyone. Even without being told “don’t tell anyone”, maturity and discretion helps you know which issues should be kept secret and from whom. Haba now, there are some things you shouldn’t disclose to the public on facebook, twitter and the likes, even if you’re a celebrity. Even when you’re being interviewed, it’s not every question asked that you should give an answer to. Or haven’t you heard people being interviewed who were asked questions about their private life and they gave answers like “I don’t want to discuss that” or “my private life is not for public consumption”? What about those delicate matters people confide in you on that you disclose blatantly without a moment’s thought?  That’s childishness. Discretion tells you that certain information should be kept private.

How You Handle Anger, Criticism, Scolding and Disagreements

No one likes having to handle and endure anger, criticism, scolding and disagreements, but these are all part of life and we must all learn to deal with them. Inability to handle each of these properly leads to messy situations we would rather avoid. Childish responses to these include: anger (or even rage), self-justification and name-calling, yelling or maybe throwing punches and malice-keeping. Maturity is the ability to feel all these impulses/emotions in these unpleasant settings, resist being controlled by them and do the right thing. Is this easy? Of course not. It’s much easier to cuss their generations out, damn all of them and give it to them fire for fire or even beat the hell out of them. But think about it, if you saw a child trying to act in this same way, wouldn’t you rebuke him/her? Ohooo! Handling all these is actually not so easy but it is possible.

Your Ability to Keep Your Word and Manage Your Finances (Trustworthiness) 

How trustworthy are you? Can your words be trusted? Can you be trusted with money (your money and the money of others)? Boasting and bragging are hallmarks of childishness that need to be put away. Maturity includes saying what you mean and meaning what you say. The natural impulse of children is to spend money (usually on things that satisfy for the moment) on frivolous stuff, as long it is what they desire. As we grow older, we still feel these impulses, but maturity enables us realize that there are priorities and we should pick these over frivolous stuff.  Search yourself today, can you be trusted financially? Can your words be trusted?

Self-Control

This is a very deep one. Self-control is one of the greatest hallmarks of maturity (or should I say the highest) because it encompasses all the other hallmarks earlier mentioned. Self-control is simply your ability to control yourself (your thoughts, words, feelings, emotions, impulses, lust/desires, spending habits etc). He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit is better than he who captures a city (provs 16:32). He who cannot rule over his own spirit (he who lacks self-control) is like a city that is broken down without walls (provs 25:28). Self-control is built gradually over time in diverse areas of our lives. One who lacks self-control has handed the remote control of his life to the things that are able and willing to destroy him/her.

The Road to Maturity

Maturity is actually a journey, not a destination. It’s a process that goes on daily as we trade our childish habits and tendencies for mature ones. It’s not an easy process. But grace on our side to help us, it is possible. What areas of your life currently show maturity? What areas do you need help with? If you’re willing to give up those childish harmful ways, the grace of God is able to help you walk in maturity in all dimensions. What do you stand to gain from all these? A lot, my dear; your maturity affects those around you in more ways than you can imagine. Or have you forgotten “garbage in, garbage out” (or should I say maturity in, maturity out) and “what a man sows, he shall reap”???

Have a smashing weekend.

P.S: At 3:00pm G.M.T (4:00pm Nigerian time) tomorrow, 11th May, 2014, we’ll be commencing an online debate on “maturity” and “dumb moves ladies/guys make”.  

Catch us on our twitter handle @sister2sisterni and our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria to participate. It’s going to be hot and insightful.

12 Signs You’re Not Ready For Marriage

Ouch! Did she just say that?  Oh yes I did. A lot of times we think we’re ready for marriage simply because we’re a certain age, we’ve made money, we know how to cook etc. Now don’t get me wrong, these things are part of it, but they are not the only yardsticks for one’s readiness for marriage. Today, I’m looking at readiness for marriage from the maturity angle. Marriage is not for “kids” neither is it “child’s play”. It’s for two willing and mature adults. It takes a lot more than “love”. Maturity is also important. Again, maturity is not a product of age but your mindset, understanding and exposure.  Join me as we do a little soul searching to see just how ready we are for marriage. Happy Reading!!!

   1)    You Always Want Things to Go Your Way

  

For real? Is she serious? Oh yes I am. Only babies insist on having their way all the time. And when things don’t go their way, they pout, whine, throw tantrums and become unbearable. Insisting things must be done just the way you like it all the time is childishness. Grow up! Learn to reason things with the other person and reach a compromise for the good of both of you. Marriage is all about compromise you know.

  2)  You Can’t Handle Your Anger

   

Conflicts, disagreements and quarrelling are part of life, relationships and yes, marriage. They will always arise. Maturity is the ability to handle these without the relationship being destroyed. Anger management is serious business. If you still go haywire destroying things and beating people up in the name of anger, you’re obviously not ready for marriage. Your spouse and kids will do many things to offend you when you eventually get married, what will you do then? Beat them up to death???

  3)  You Still Find it Hard To Forgive

   

For any relationship or marriage to stand the test of time, it needs a lot of forgiveness. Let’s face it, like Jesus said, “offences will come”. You will offend your spouse many times unintentionally and vice versa. If you’re still into keeping malice for days, getting even (revenge/do me, I do you) and always digging up past issues, all these will eventually destroy your marriage. Still find it hard to forgive? God gives grace to those who ask.

 4)  You Use “It’s Over” at the Slightest Provocation

    

This one is a big no no! If you find that at the slightest provocation in your relationships, you use words like “it’s over”, “I’m done”, “Get out of my life”, “I hate you” etc, you’re not ready for marriage one bit. Why must every disagreement you have end with these words? When you eventually get married it will graduate to “I’m divorcing you”. Delete these nasty words from your vocabulary. Mature people try to settle their differences. They do not bail out at the slightest provocation.

  5)  You’re Not Ready To Give Up Your Freedom

   

Bombshell! Is marriage a prison yard then? Before you crucify me, hear me out. Being in a relationship/marriage with someone has its own rules. It’s different from being single. When you’re single, you can do whatever you like without considering anyone’s feelings, needs etc. Relationships/marriage have side effects (some amount of your freedom). You can’t make certain decisions without letting the other party know. You can’t stay out late or make certain journeys without having someone ask you why (sometimes it feels like interrogation lol). If you’re not ready for these side effects, you’re definitely not ready for marriage.

  6)  You’re Not Ready To Share

Marriage requires sharing on a largeeeee scale. You share your space, time, money, ideas, body etc with your spouse and eventually your kids. Some people want to share their time but not their money and vice versa. Wake up! If you’re not ready to share, you might as well remain single. Mature people understand that love is sharing and sharing means sharing everything.

And this is where the soul searching for today ends. So you said 12 signs…where are the remaining six? Easy! Watch out for the remaining six. Or how do they say it: to be continued….(lol). Just chew on these six for now. Search your soul and see where you need to make adjustments. xoxo

PS: Wickedness is when you read this and refuse to share it. You never can tell who’ll be needing it. So share! Share! Share! Comments are always welcome.

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