Trust Issues: How Did I Get Here???

A relationship without trust is like a car without tyres; it goes no where.

As I promised yesterday, today’s post is dedicated to those who have discovered that they have trust issues and they’re wondering why they find it so hard to trust. For some people, they’ve always found it difficult to trust for as long as they can remember. For most people with trust issues, their inability to trust in relationships arose at some point in their lives due to certain circumstances/situations. In the same way that a diagnosis + lab tests enables a doctor get to the root cause of an illness, this post will enable you discover the root of your current trust issues so you can get help and be free from it. Below are five factors that lead to an inability to trust in relationships (trust issues).

#1-Your ex cheated on you or ditched you for another person

Unfortunately, despite all the sweet words and promises to love you forever, relationships come to an end sometimes because one party cheated or your beau left you for someone prettier, taller, richer etc. When this happens, it leaves you feeling empty and broken hearted with an inability to trust in subsequent relationships. You become suspicious because you usually feel your new beau may cheat on you or ditch you like your previous beau did.

#2-Low self-esteem

When you have a low self-esteem, you feel you’re not good enough for the one you’re dating and constantly feel threatened when a lady you feel is more endowed than you comes around your beau. This in turn leads you to display some or all of the signs that show you have trust issues (click here to read the 5 signs that show you have trust issues). Self-esteem is definitely something every girl needs for all round stability. (click here to read self-esteem: something every girl needs)

#3-Someone close to you has been mistreated in a relationship

This is actually the major root cause of trust issues. A lot of people currently having trust issues witnessed firsthand someone close to them (such as their parent, sibling, friend etc) mistreated in a relationship by a partner who was unfaithful and untruthful to them. Even though they were not directly affected, watching their loved ones go through such a nasty experience has made them develop a defense mechanism to prevent them suffering what their loved ones suffered. This eventually manifests as a high degree of suspiciousness and an inability to trust.

#4-You have been unfaithful

People who have been unfaithful previously in past relationships tend to be very suspicious of their current partner’s moves because of their guilt and experience at cheating. They’re quick to identify and suspect actions similar to the ones they used when they were unfaithful and this makes it difficult to trust because they feel they’re about to get played.

#5-You’re a pessimist

Pessimists, as we all know, are people who generally look on the darker side in every situation. Pessimists tend to focus on the negative probabilities/what ifs that may occur in a relationship. For instance, when they call their beau and he’s not picking the call, instead of thinking up positive excuses such as “he’s too busy to answer”, “he probably isn’t close to his phone” etc, their mind immediately races to thoughts such as “he’s avoiding my calls because he’s with another lady” etc.

You Need a Total Mindset Renewal

Now you can see the root cause of your inability to trust, it makes it easier to deal with it. Instead of making excuses to justify your trust issues, acknowledge it and receive help instead. Let go of all that has happened in the past and discard that suspicious mindset. Give everyone you meet the benefit of the doubt. Stop making Paul pay for the sins of Peter; quit judging everyone you meet by past experiences. Allow them to reveal themselves by their actions and treat them accordingly. Speak with a counselor; ask someone to hold hands and agree with you in prayer. Make up your mind to learn to trust again and gradually, your ability to trust will be restored. Your present beau should not suffer for the sins of the jerks that hurt you in the past. Let go of all your insecurities and receive healing so you can enjoy your current relationship. xoxo                                                                                      

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Are you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship matters and life in general?  E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help. 

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Self-Esteem: Something Every Girl Needs

Look in the mirror: What do you see? What You See Affects How You Act. Selah!

Hello Everyone, how’s the month of July treating you? Fine, I hope? As for me, the month is great and will only get greater as the days pass by, even though I still miss my birth month (June). I wish you a splendid July and a testimony filled 2^nd half of the year. The theme on the blog for this month is SELF ESTEEM and so all through this month, aside from other blogposts, there will be posts on self esteem regularly. I’ll also be releasing the sequel to two interesting old posts “12 Signs You’re Not Ready For Marriage”and “10 Signs You’ve Caught The Bitterness Virus” within the month so keep your fingers crossed. Now to the topic of the day…

Self-esteem and self-confidence are two sides of one coin that every girl needs. They are like a sweet smelling perfume that you need to wear daily otherwise you may become as repulsive as someone with a very bad case of body odour. Self-esteem is defined as “a person’s overall appraisal of his/her own worth” while self-confidence is defined as “a measure of your beliefs about your thinking capacity, skills and abilities” (advancedlifeskills.com). Your self-confidence affects your self-esteem veeeeeeery much. Personally I see self-esteem as a battery that powers our actions and moving with a low-self esteem is like running a mobile phone on low battery; there’s a limit to what you can do with a phone that has a low battery. 

Low Vs High Vs Good Self-Esteem

Too much of everything, they say, is bad and too little of anything is just not enough. Just like having too much salt in a meal makes it almost impossible to eat it and too little salt makes the food bland and simply tasteless, a high or low self-esteem will produce distorted and harmful actions and reactions in your life. One thing an overly high self-esteem does is move you into pride and arrogance. You begin to feel smarter and better than everyone with an “I’m better than you all attitude” and eventually begin to look down on others. A low self-esteem catapults you into shyness and inferiority complex, so you begin to feel you’re not good enough and it eventually zaps you of the confidence you need to succeed in life. A good self-esteem, just like a meal with the right amount of salt and ingredients, is the right kind of self-esteem you need. A good self-esteem is one in which you know that you’re not lesser or greater than anyone but that you’re a unique individual, different from everyone with unique abilities and capabilities. It comes from knowing your strengths and weaknesses and being content with who you are,  knowing that everyone also has strengths and weaknesses, self-respect and also respect for others. I call it the perfect blend.

Why You Need a Good Self-Esteem

A high self-esteem makes you appear proud before others and everyone resists the proud, even God (James 4:6). “Resists” here means that people tend to work against proud people saying things like “who does she think she is? I’ll show her” and God does so too. A low self-esteem makes you appear unintelligent and incompetent and you’ll get passed over most times for tasks or jobs. It also makes you look like an easy target or a prey and so it manipulators and attracts abusers your way. A good self-esteem is simply mwaah! It makes you attractive and confident, easy to roll with and the “darling” of employers. Just like a sweet perfume, it makes you smell nice before the people you interact with. It also affects the way you perceive things and respond to matters by making you know how to handle compliments and criticism. Compliments to someone with a low self esteem sounds like a lie and for those with an excessively high esteem, it puffs them up and makes them more proud. Criticism to those with low self-esteem destroys them completely while it sounds like a lie to those with a high self esteem. Long story short, girl you need to check your self-esteem and make sure it’s not too high or too low.

More on self-esteem as the month rolls by. Stay hooked to the blog. Have a lovely day.

P:S Are you at a crossroad? Do you need advice or counsel on lady issues, relationship matters and life in general?  E-mail me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com and I’ll be glad to help.

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