While You Wait… (Pt 1)

Source: shadowness.com

Today, I’ll love to say a very big thank you to all faithful readers of this blog. Your words, comments, likes, shares, and retweets on the blog, the facebook pages and twitter encourage me to keep up the good work. This post is dedicated to everyone who’s presently single…

Singleness is a gift; a time for preparation for whatever kind of future you desire. A lot of people waste this period agonizing over their singleness, wishing they were married, praying God to send them a spouse (which is not bad in itself) and dating everyone that comes their way (the good, the bad and the jaga-jaga), forgetting that they need to build and prepare themselves for the future. To reap a good marriage tomorrow, there are seeds you must sow now. The greatest investment you can make for your future is to INVEST IN YOURSELF. Failure to invest in your personal development is to become a thorn in your spouse’s flesh, a toxic parent and a toxic pollutant to what ought to be a blissful marriage. The blissful marriage you desire and seek is not just about finding the right person, it actually STARTS WITH YOU. Here are a few things you need to do while you wait that will not only make you a better person but sow seeds that will make you reap a blissful marriage.

#1 – Master Self Control

When we hear “self control”, the first thing that usually drops into our hearts is control over sexual desires and emotions but it actually goes beyond that. Self control is about having the ability and power to choose the right response in any situation instead of acting based on impulses and emotions (definition mine). Self control includes discipline in spending time and money (yes, both of them are currencies we need to learn to manage), speaking, eating (watching your weight) etc. In case you didn’t know, self control is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit; it is not cultivated by will power (that’s why we keep making decision or resolutions without keeping them) but by the help of the Holy Spirit. So, go to God in prayers concerning everywhere you need self control and he will supply the grace you need.

#2 – Master Trust

Trust is a choice to trust someone, not just because they’re trust worthy but because you understand that it’s a necessary ingredient for the success and enjoyment of any relationship. Yes, they’re many possibilities of what could happen but the truth is that “Except the Lord watches, they labour in vein that watch” (Psalm 127:1). Learning to commit your fears and your spouse to God in prayers to preserve him from wrong influences/impulses and seductive traps, empower him to do the right thing and overcome temptations frees you to give trust and have peace of mind instead of becoming a police/detective unto your spouse. In other words, deal with your trust issues now. Read more about trust issues here and here.

#3 – Forgiveness

Love and forgiveness are two sides of a coin. If you still find it hard to forgive, if you still keep malice and go without talking to those who hurt you for days, if you still do tit-for-tat, you need to deal with it now otherwise it will affect your marriage in future cuz there will always be a need to forgive. Go to God in prayers, ask him to remove the unforgiving heart within you and give you the grace to always forgive just as he always forgives you.

#4 – Doing Things that Aren’t Convenient

Yea, we all prefer to do things that please us and do them when it suits us which is good in its own way but will turn around to sabotage your marriage in future. Love requires sacrifice and sacrifice is not usually convenient. Learning to do things that are not convenient and doing things when it’s not convenient will build your muscles for marriage which requires sacrifice and compromise to succeed.

Source: 1ms.net

#5 – How to Be Angry and Not Sin

Ephesians 4:26 says “Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your anger.” It’s okay to get angry; actually anger is a natural emotion that occurs in response to things that provoke us. But what you do or say in response to it can destroy things if not handled properly. Do everything it takes now to learn how to control your anger instead of letting it control you cuz it is controllable. There’s nothing being a “hot tempered” person will give you except a rocky bitter marriage. “Hot tempered” is actually another word for someone who is immature with regards to anger management.

#6 – How to Abide in Joy and Peace

It is your responsibility to abide in joy and peace. Expecting your spouse to become the source of your joy, happiness and peace is to set yourself up for disappointment. This is unfair because no human being alive has the ability to keep you in perpetual peace and joy; only God has that ability. Abiding in joy and peace means learning to remain joyful and peaceful in the face of things that provoke you to feel otherwise. Your life will eventually become more stressful in future so you need to learn this now.

#7 – Understand Yourself

Find out your temperament, the things that trigger a mood swing in you and provoke you to anger, your love language, your strengths and weaknesses. Understand the things you can and cannot tolerate as a person and in a relationship, understand your sex drive and hot buttons; understand who you are, where you’re going to and the kind of future you want for yourself.

# 8– Understand the Opposite Sex

Understanding the opposite sex, why they act the way they do and their unique behaviours, preferences as well as what makes them tick is also important. Some of this knowledge you can get from casual male friends, from asking your brothers or cousins the right questions and asking older people the right questions; the rest of this you can get from reading books and watching relevant video/audio clips. This understanding will help you and prevent you from getting confused at the “strange displays’ of your future spouse so you don’t begin to think he has a “demon’ or something.

To be continued….

There are still more tips left to go. The sequel to this post comes up on Friday. Do your single friends and siblings a favour by sharing this post with them. Keep a date with us.

P:S – Tomorrow, Twists and Turns, (an interesting episodic fiction story) commences. It will run regularly and be featured here every Tuesday. #anticipate

Got questions, suggestions or private comments? Wanna reach me? Facing a relationship dilemma and in need of counsel? I’m just an email away; email me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com