SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

The word 'toxic' means anything that's acts like poison or has the effect of a poison. Poison doesn't kill instantly; it takes time before it starts taking effect. However, some poisons are slower than others. There are relationships that are poisonous to your life and destiny. Such relationships gradually eat you up in diverse areas of your life until they succeed in snuffing life out from you. Today, I'll like to open your eyes to this by showing you signs of a toxic relationship.

1.ABUSE AND BATTERY
Abuse does not only refer to physical abuse or battery, it also includes emotional, mental or sexual abuse. Whether you're single or married, continued abuse and battery is toxic to your well being because it erodes your peace, your joy, your sanity, your confidence, your ability to function optimally and stay productive. What's worse, the longer you stay in it the more it destroys you.

2. IT TAMPERS WITH YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS
When you're in a relationship with someone, and you begin to spend less time with God than you used to or your relationship with your family/ friends starts becoming cold, such a relationship (for single people) has become toxic. The right relationship will not reduce your love for God or zeal for his kingdom. It will also not stifle your relationship with your family or friends. It will instead enhance both.


3.SACRIFICING YOUR LIFE'S PURSUIT
Hello!!! There's more to life than dating o. There is a purpose for your life. A toxic relationship puts you in situations that make you sacrifice meaningful, purposeful life pursuits just to keep that relationship. When you're dating someone who clearly has a problem with your life pursuit (purpose/calling), it puts you in a fix where you have to choose between giving up your calling/purpose or lose the relationship. If you ever find yourself in that position, don't think twice before you pull the plug. The person you're dating is trying to become an Idol in your life by resisting God's purpose for your life, when he/she is supposed to be a helper. The last time I checked, God still hates it when we have idols (an Idol is anything or anyone who tries to control you to act in ways contrary to God's word, his ways or purpose). Sacrificing your life's pursuit may bring temporary peace in that relationship, but you will end up full of regrets here on earth and in the world to come.

4. THE RELATIONSHIP SEEKS TO CHANGE YOU TOTALLY
Before I say anything, let me clarify that in a relationship, there is room for helping each other become better people. However, when a relationship seeks to change you into what God did not ordain you to be, it is equal to witchcraft (manipulation). For instance, when the person you're dating keeps complaining that you're too noisy or too friendly and wants you to become as quiet as a graveyard (which is contrary to how God designed you), you're in a toxic relationship. The right person for you will love that aspect of you because he/she has grace for you. The wrong person will keep trying to amend/change everything about you.

5. YOU LOSE YOUR PASSION AND CONFIDENCE OVER TIME
Two things a toxic relationship erode over time are PASSION and CONFIDENCE. Check that relationship; has it drained your passion and confidence or have your passion and confidence increased because of the relationship? Whatever be your answer will let you know if you're in a toxic relationship or not.

SO WHAT NOW?
The essence of this post is to open your eyes to what a toxic (poisonous) relationship looks like. The opposite of a toxic relationship is a healthy relationship. No one eats poison and expects not to be poisoned. The end result of a toxic relationship is quite disastrous. A toxic relationship is not God's will for you. You lose a lot when you remain in such relationships. The best solution to a toxic relationship is to end it (just like the best solution to a drug with adverse reactions is to discontinue it's use). Receive strength and grace to walk out of that toxic relationship in Jesus name.


P.S. Keep a date with us tomorrow for the sequel to this post EFFECTS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.

Are you in a Toxic Relationship? Do you need to talk about It? Or do you desire counsel for one reason or the other? Email me on graceyokoye@yahoo.com

Follow us on twitter here and like our facebook page here.

Listen to online radio stations on riecho.net

Online Radio Portal

6 People You Should Keep at Arms-Length this Season

Yes o! Evil company corrupts good manners (1 Corinthians 15:33). I don’t know about you o. But as for me, I have a destiny to fulfill and a dream/vision to chase till it becomes a reality. The company you keep determines to a very large extent how far you will go/rise to in life. It’s time for you to examine and re-evaluate the people who are around your life to see which ones will remain and which ones you will have to distance yourself from.

To make it easier for you, I made a list of 6 people you should keep far from your life this season. In case you’re wondering what season we’re in, this is the season of fulfilling destiny/purpose. Now to the list…

1) The Discourager

Aha! A discourager is anybody who never encourages you each time you mention your dream/plans. He or she always criticizes your dreams and tells you to “face reality” because “that will never happen” or tells you to move on to more serious things. In fact, the more you hang out with such a person, the more you begin to doubt your dreams and abilities.

2) The Time Waster

Aka Jaiye-Jaiye Prefect. This kind of person is usually a fun person. He or she adds spice to your life bringing fun, laughter and creating wonderful memories. However, when you have serious tasks lined up and a target to achieve or you need quiet time to think things through, such a person usually becomes a time-waster coming up with all sorts of time-wasting activities. What’s more, if you refuse to go with them, they take offense and blackmail you with “Eeeeeh. If it was me, I would have done this for you” until you give in.

3) The Vagabond

This kind of person has no sense of direction presently, hasn’t discovered the purpose for his life, is not chasing any dream and just does whatever he/she can lay his hands on. Each time he/she sees you doing something related to your dream, they sound like this “You and this your ……… sef. Na everyday you dey do this thing. Abeg no kill your sef o. Rest small now”. The fact that you’re focused is a threat to them because it reminds them that they have no sense of direction.

4) The Idea-Thief

Or should I say stealer..lol. This is that person in your life who “copies” every idea you come up with. He/she has copied many of your little concepts and ideas in the past. Now that you’re ready to move higher, expect more copying and idea-stealing on a higher and more painful level.

5) Non-Supportive Boyfriend

With all the hostility around us as we chase our dreams and fulfill destiny, who needs a non-supportive boyfriend who adds salt to injury? We need the people closest to us and the people who mean the most to us to support our dreams. Having a boyfriend who’s also an “enemy” of your dreams or destiny is heart breaking. Despite all your pleas for his support, if he has chosen to be a non-supportive boyfriend, you should have a re-think on his status as your boyfriend.

6) Tale-Bearers 

Aha! I’m talking about all those people who always bring stories of “he said, she said” to you. They always seem to hear when people talk about you and have commissioned themselves as tale-bearers to faithfully bring such info to you. What’s more, they know how to amplify the story and spice it up till you’re all worked up with rage and ready to declare war. You don’t need all that info. You have a race to run and a destiny to fulfill. Preserve your ears and energy for better things.

Why Do I Need To Keep Them at Arms-Length

What?!! Didn’t you know already? It’s because they are not helpful but toxic to your purpose, dreams and destiny. The more you hang around them, the more your strength and zest for life and destiny is depleted. Hebrews 12:1 says “...let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily besets us and run with patience the race set before us”. All these people are currently weights in your life that make running on the tracks of destiny more difficult than it should be. Now I’m not asking you to start keeping malice with them but you need to put some distance between you and them if you must make progress. Find a way to control and minimize your contact with them. If can’t do that, protect your dreams from them. Stop telling them stuff related to your dreams since you know they always discourage you or try to steal your ideas. And when they bring all those dem-say dem-say gist or time-wasting gimmicks, tell them you no longer have time for that.  

What about those you need to surround yourself with if you must achieve your dreams and fulfill destiny, we’ll talk about that some other time. Till then, xoxo.

P.S: Stinginess is when you read this and refuse to share it with those you know. Foolishness is when you read it and don’t apply it to your life. Wickedness is when you don’t tell someone how much you’ve been blessed so far by this blog. And I know you’re not stingy, foolish or wicked. xoxo

Follow us on twitter @sister2sisterni and like our facebook page: Sister 2 Sister Nigeria

Posted via Blogaway

6 Things You Should Not Hide From The Guy You’re Getting Serious With

Shout out to all the wonderful ladies (and guys) reading this post.

Every relationship has stages. As each day passes, the relationship grows and eventually gets to the stage where you guys become “serious” with each other. What do I mean by serious? I mean that point where his interest in you gets deeper, you’re considering dating each other exclusively and moving from dating to courtship level. As happy as you are that your relationship has gotten to this point, there are some “secrets” about you which if you leave them undisclosed, may turn around to bite you hard. These are things about you (they mustn’t be bad stuff) that he needs to know and decide if he’s ready to live with before the relationship becomes too serious. Check them out below:

Health Challenges/Peculiarities 

You should tell him your health challenges or peculiarities so he can decide if he has the capacity and patience to live with you that way. If you’re AS or SS, you should let him know. Are you asthmatic, HIV+ or allergic to something? Did you undergo a surgical procedure or suffer any injury/illness that affected any part of your body? You should let him know.

Sleeping Pattern

 

If for some reason, you snore when you sleep (yes, some ladies snore), you should let him know. Snoring is not a big deal to some people but to others, it is. Anyways, this helps you both decide how best to manage the situation when you eventually live together.

Your Passion, Purpose and Long Term Goals

 

Of course since he met you, he must have noticed some aspects of your passion and purpose. But if there are some aspects that he is not yet aware of, make them known to him. He should be fully be aware what he’s going in for in the long run. Make sure he’s Ok with your passion, purpose and long term goals, except they do not mean much to you.

Unpleasant Past

When we don’t deal with the past, they come back to haunt us. If you had a baby outside wedlock, got imprisoned, got into trouble that led to a public scene or disgrace and any other dark secrets you may have, hint him. I’m not asking you to give him a step-by-step account of your past, but at least he should get a hint of it from you. It never augurs well when he eventually hears it from someone else. If he loves you, he’ll appreciate the fact that you were sincere and truthful and not focus on the past.

Family Peculiarities

Now I’m not saying you should dish out all your family’s dirty laundry, but if there are any family peculiarities that if discovered later on may cause a strain, you should let him know. Some of them may include your parents’ preference for a particular tribe, their ancestral history, family jinx etc.

Things You Are Not Willing To Deal With

Now that you guys are serious, he has finally earned the right to know the things you can’t deal with (your deal breakers) in marriage so he can decide if he can adjust to those or not. If you can’t deal with keeping late nights, drinking, smoking etc, this is the point where you should raise such issues and see if you can come to an agreement on it.

But I’m Scared…

Yea! Me too. It’s scary when it occurs to you that if he hears these things, he may change his mind. It’s even scarier when you’ve tried it before and a guy actually left you. But the deal is this: It’s better if he hears them from you at this point when the relationship hasn’t gotten too serious so you can both decide if you’ll continue or have a rethink. Or do you prefer he hears it from those enemies of yours who can’t keep their mouth shut a few days to the wedding and calls it off because he feels you deceived him???

These are just a few things you should let him know now that you guys are getting serious. What’s more? It works both ways. You should ask him to answer these questions too.